| Welcome to Mahora Academy. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| The Sum of All Moments; SetsuKono oneshot shortfic | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 17 2005, 04:58 AM (1,930 Views) | |
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 04:58 AM Post #1 |
![]() ![]()
|
The Princess sat in the top of the tower, waiting, listening to the sounds of battle outside the tiny window in the stone. Was she coming? Would she make it through the hundreds of guards? Would she survive a thousand traps placed in her way? The Princess knew that her Knight was strong, but could not help but worry, her brow crinkling cutely as she listened to the sounds of chaos get closer and closer. Then, all of the sudden, they stopped. The Princess held her breath, waiting for a sound, any sound… and was startled when the door shook in its hinges, once, twice, and then the door was down, her Knight planting her foot atop it in a small crater formed by said foot, sword held tightly in one hand. The Princess’ heart leapt for joy when her Knight appeared, looking at her with relief. The Knight steps over to her Princess, her feet moving with a will of their own as she slumps down to her knees and puts her hands on the shoulders of her Princess to confirm that she is real, that no illusion blinds her sight. She is assured a moment later when the Princess puts her arms around her Knight and grasps her tightly, the Knight forced to return the gesture by the force of it. Tears threaten her own eyes when the Knight feels her chest become wet and the Princess grasp tighter. A low, sinister chuckle sounds through the room, interrupting their reunion. The Knight’s head snaps up to glare at the Villain with hatred. She puts her hands on the Princess’ shoulders and gently pushes her back, beginning to speak, “Ojou-sama, get to…” but her words are interrupted as she feels the Princess tense under her hands, and as her head turns to see what the problem is, their eyes meet. In that one moment, the windows of their eyes become crystal clear. The Knight feels her Princess’ worry at the thought of leaving her side again, her joy at being together, and feels her hands tighten their embrace. The Princess feels her Knight’s worry for her, the joyful relief of finally finding her. But beneath all their anxiety and relief, each feels the love of the other, the Knight’s warm, tender glow perfectly complimenting the Princess’ blazing inferno, the combination threatening to overwhelm all other thought and emotion as their very souls seemed to connect. Each leans forward, the world disappearing around them in that one perfect moment where nothing mattered but each other, their eyes closing as their lips meet. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then their eyes were worth a million, and the kiss stretched on to infinity, speaking what they had not said, could not say in words. They separated slowly, their eyes never moving away from the other’s as they opened. They smile, their hearts warmed by each other’s love, never to be cold again with loneliness. The Princess nods and steps aside, giving the Knight swinging room, their eyes never separating until the Knight turns, smile still in place, to face the Villain, sword held at the ready. The Villain snarls, angry at the love he sees in the Knight’s eyes; no desire for his demise, no anger at his actions, no worry of failure, only love for the person she defends with her life forevermore. |
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 12:25 PM Post #2 |
![]() ![]()
|
sheesh *grumbles* I was hoping for at least one response before I explained myself... http://www.geocities.com/chibi_secchan/negima/vol5_1.gif That pic inspired this fic, as the only people that would probably read this already know... The idea, the vision of a single scene came to me when I saw that pic, which lead to the writing of the above fic. I didn't use any names, and I assumed a few metaphors, but I believe it shouldn't be too hard to tell that it was Setsuna and Konoka. The reason the tile is 'The Sum of All Moments' is because eventually I'll have enough of these single-scene shots that I'll put them all together and post them as a series on fanfiction.net or something, just single scenes that pull at the heartstrings, y'know? This is the first. Once the series gets farther along, or even sooner than now, I have another little idea that may be added to the series of Moments, with the same characters, though far less generic. Personally, I think this is the best romantic scene I've written so far, and I'd really like to know what someone else thinks about it so I can guage how good I am at them. Really good romance scenes are hard to write, I think, because you're attempting to put into words what cannot be described... that's true for any really emotional scene where that emotion is Everything to the scene... Also, I'm thinking about turning this into a longer fic, going into all the background details and everything, but considering my track record for actually finishing longer fics... I don't know if I wanna get anybody's hopes up. Well, tell me what y'all think if you've got the time, and be honest. Oh, wait... *puts on his Armor of Criticism Protection +5* there we go, now hit me with whatever you've got! |
![]() |
|
| OkashiraShinomori | Apr 17 2005, 12:54 PM Post #3 |
![]()
Magister Magi
![]()
|
I love it! I think you captured the moment perfectly. ![]() I'm not used to reading this style of writing (is that 2nd person?) but I liked reading this. I hope you make it longer. I'd like to know who the Villian is. All I can think of is this old western comedy called the Villian...and it's not fear inspiring. ![]() I really hope you make this into a series.
|
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 01:07 PM Post #4 |
![]() ![]()
|
Herm... I think I'd call it '3rd person nonspecific' since it's more a coherent series of observations by an all-knowing observer in an odd order... Kinda like you'd write a dream sequence, I think. Before I try to extend this little scene, I need to try to come up with a real basis... which is eluding me at the moment, hmm... got any ideas? |
![]() |
|
| OkashiraShinomori | Apr 17 2005, 01:12 PM Post #5 |
![]()
Magister Magi
![]()
|
Ah. Yes, I think you're right. Hmm....a real basis? Ah. How about Konoka, Setsuna, Negi, and Asuna are all playing a board game, and the particular scene you just mentioned occured in their game, and Setsuna had taken to imagining how it would play out in real life. Maybe. Perhaps it would be better if it was Konoka imagining. Or maybe the whole idea's bad. |
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 01:18 PM Post #6 |
![]() ![]()
|
Perhaps that would work for an intro, or maybe as an epilouge to make poeple mad that it was all just a fantasy ![]() But I mean an extention in that it would go through the whole story behind it, why the Princess had been kidnapped, the battles on the way, friends, enemies, the whole schmorgasboard.(sp?) It'll probably end up fairly generic, as adventure stories go, but I have a hunch that I'll come up with at least a few things to make it unique... |
![]() |
|
| OkashiraShinomori | Apr 17 2005, 01:24 PM Post #7 |
![]()
Magister Magi
![]()
|
Ah, I see what you mean. I'll have to think about that... Perhaps The Princess was being escorted to another country by The Knight, to be wed, reluctantly, to keep peace between two kingdoms. The poor Knight obviously has feelings for the Princess, but refuses to act out of them for the sake of peace. The Princess also has feelings for the Knight, but feels obligated to her duty. Neither know of their feelings for the other. A third party captures the Princess so as to keep peace from settling over the country-side. Thus we have our beautiful Knight on a mission to rescue her forbidden love. That's probably too generic... |
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 01:38 PM Post #8 |
![]() ![]()
|
No, actually that's an excellent way to start it off. The best way to write a story you don't have any ideas for is to take a generic idea, start writing, and let it develop into something amazing. I've started writing the lead-in, their first meeting as children(which will be about the same as the original) and I'm going to skip around the years a bit until the ending of the lead-in(probably that'll be the first chapter). Thanks for the advice of how to start the action. It's hard to not give spoilers of the little suprises I'm gonna try to use
|
![]() |
|
| OkashiraShinomori | Apr 17 2005, 01:40 PM Post #9 |
![]()
Magister Magi
![]()
|
I'll give any advice you want as long as I can hear more of the story. I'm lookin' forward to it.
|
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | Apr 17 2005, 02:03 PM Post #10 |
![]() ![]()
|
herm, I need a few more fighters to join the Knight of her quest, perhaps a mercenary from the ninja clans? A martial artist from the west? A wandering witch? Whaddya think? |
![]() |
|
| Kiru | Apr 17 2005, 03:09 PM Post #11 |
![]()
High Schooler
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
That was really good you did capture the esscense(sp?) of the moment. And for the next fighter person, you should either get a martial artist or a witch =p. |
![]() |
|
| OkashiraShinomori | Apr 17 2005, 07:16 PM Post #12 |
![]()
Magister Magi
![]()
|
Perhaps Eva-chan.... |
![]() |
|
| Kiru | Apr 17 2005, 11:06 PM Post #13 |
![]()
High Schooler
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Eva-Chan would be funny to see in the fan fic. Or you could have Kuu Fei and she could be all crazy. Either way I like the way you're going. |
![]() |
|
| Motoko | Apr 30 2005, 09:06 PM Post #14 |
|
I see what you did there, Richard Nixon!
![]()
|
Wow, this is very VERY good Wonderful fic <3 |
![]() |
|
| Xingyi Zhang | May 21 2005, 09:43 AM Post #15 |
![]() ![]()
|
No, I'm not dead, and as soon as I get my net access back at home, I already have up to chapter three just about done, so as soon as I get access, chapter one and two will be posted. Man, has this place grown since I was gone... I've got too damn much catching up to do T_T;;; |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
![]() ZetaBoards gives you all the tools to create a successful discussion community. Learn More · Register for Free |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Fan Fiction · Next Topic » |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2














![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)

7:21 PM Jul 10