Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Mahora Academy. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Negima Radiodrama; o_0 Is that a further update!!!?
Topic Started: Jul 6 2007, 03:11 AM (3,407 Views)
lord_lir
Member Avatar
MASTER OF FLAMES AND DARKNESS
[ *  *  *  * ]
Title: Negima Radio Drama
Author: Lord_Lir
Rating: M (for the usual ecchi-themed stuff)

Authors Note: This is just my first chapter, I'll post this one and the others on fan-fiction.net (the user is lord_lir).

***********************************************
Period 1: The Great Love Debate of Class 3-A!!!
***********************************************


3-A's HOMEROOM~~


Kazumi: Greetings all you crazy otaku-types out there, I'm Kazumi Asakura of the Mahora Paparazzi, and it's my pleasure today to chair the first ever ~official~ Class 3-A Love Debate!!!

Yue: Aren't you taking this a little far, Asakura-san?

Kazumi: Shove a sock in it Yuecchi! As a reporter, it's my duty to bring the people what they want!!!

Yue: <sigh> Why's my class made up of a buncha idiots...?

Kazumi: <continuing her spiel> none other than our beloved Sensei will chair Today’s debate: NEGI SPRINGFIELD!!!

Girls: Shriek! Yay!, Hohoho!, Eeek!, etc.

Negi: Now girls, let's have a nice, clean debate here. There's absolutely no cause for any form of violence... I'm looking at you Iincho-san!

Iincho: Negi-sensei, I would never behave in a barbaric and uncivilized manner! Especially if it upsets you, my beloved...

Kazumi: Today's participants are: Iincho-san, who's obsession with Young Boys (especially Negi) is legendary here at Mahora Academy, Nodoka "Bookstore" Miyazaki, Iincho-san's rival for Negi-sensei and confirmed Boy-o-phobe, Setsuna Sakurazaki, an advocate for the freedom of love-

Setsu: WHAAAA!!!! I keep telling you all, that my feelings for ojou-sama are perfectly normal!

Kono: Hee hee, silly Se-chan!

Setsu: Wh-when I agreed to do this ojou-sama, I had no idea what it would be about!

Kono: It's just harmless fun... or don't you like me anymore?

Setsu: Ggh <conflicted>

Kazumi: Deep in denial, that one. Our final member in the debate is Asuna Kagurazaka, who's filling in for Makie-san, who had to pull out because Iincho-san pushed her down a flight of stairs.

Iincho: Lies and slander! I would never behave in such a disorderly manner (that'll teach that slut to try and come between my and Negi-sensei's love! Hohoho!)

Chisame: Crazy much, Iincho-san?

Yue: Idiot...

Negi: I had no idea you were going to participate Asuna-san. I'm so touched.

Asuna: Hmpf! Don't kid yourself Negi, I just don't want Ayaka to get her obsessed hands on you.

Negi: Of course ;)!

Asuna: I don't know what perverted fantasies you've concocted about us, you little runt, but I ain’t in love with a 10-year old! (Probably that perverted ermine’s influence...)

Paru: Okay Nodoka, you're gonna have to take this seriously, ya got me!? If you show any sign of weakness, you'll lose Negi-kun forever!

Nodoka: F-f-forever? (Oh dear...)

Paru: Now, Iincho'll give you some trouble, but she's bound to slip up eventually, and when she does, GO FOR THE JUGULAR!!!

Nodoka: Puu!!! Don't you think that's a bit much!?

Kazumi: If everyone would take their places, we'll get this thing under way!

Negi: All right debaters, here's your first question! "Is it wrong to love a... 10-year old teacher?" ASAKURA-SAN, WHAT SORTA QUESTIONS ARE THESE!!!!?

Kazumi: Don't look at me, Chamo-kun wrote 'em!

Asuna: Pervin'-Ermine... I shoulda known...

Iincho: Oh-oh-oh! I think it's perfectly fine Negi-sensei!!! In fact, if you'd just step outside the Classroom, we could discuss the matter in detail... at a restaurant... our faces lit only by the light of the Moon...

Nodoka: U-u-um...

Paru: IT'S FINE BY NODOKA TO, NEGI-SENSEI!!!

Setsu: Pass.

Kono: Awww... you're no fun at all Se-chan!

Kazumi: We're waiting for your answer Asuna.

Asuna: Well... I couldn't care... I mean, I s'pose if... not really... I kinda... not that I'm into...

Iincho: ...we'd hold each others hands, and gaze longingly into each others eyes, saying any little thing, lost in the melody of each others voice...

Kazumi: Why're you blushing Asuna? Oh, you too Negi-sensei?

Negi: Ah... <cough> I think its time for the next question. Okay... "Can a girl have a girl for a Partner?" Well... that one isn't so bad... (at least it doesn't involve me...)

Kazumi: Iincho-san, your answer?

Iincho: ...we'd take a long moonlit walk in the Park, holding hands and laughing...

Negi: ...

Kazumi: ...

Asuna: ...

Paru: ...

Nodoka: ...

Yue: Idiot...

Iincho: <just realizing> What? I'm so sorry Negi-sensei, could you please repeat the question?

Kono: Ooo! Ooo! Let Se-chan answer it!

Setsu: Ojou-sama, I really don't think that's a good-

Kazumi: Well, can a girl be a girls Partner?

Setsu: Well... under certain circumstances, I believe it would be acceptable (as long as they don't kiss with tongues...)

Paru: Awww, Setsuna-san's broken her silence at last!

Setsu: No, no! I wasn't... that is to say... (now I've put my foot in it...)

Kono: Why're you blushing Se-chan?

Asuna: Next question runt! And make this one a good one!

Negi: Perhaps you're right... Okay, here's Question Number 3!! <pause> Perhaps we'll move on to Question Number 4...

Kazumi: Whoah! You gotta read all of them, Negi-sensei!

Negi: <gulp> "H-h-have you e-ever w-w-wanted t-t-to h-h-have s-se-"

Asuna: DON'T EVEN DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE, NEGI, OR I *WILL* HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OUT YOUR SPINE!

Kono: Calm down Asuna!

Iincho: If I may answer that question, Neg- Ooof! <Asuna belts her upside her head> What is your problem, Asuna! I was simply answering Negi-sensei's question!

Asuna: Only you would, you perverted child-molesterer!

Iincho: Hah, big words coming from an uneducated, retarded Orangutan like you Asuna!

Negi: P-p-please don't fight...

Kazumi: *ahem* If we could get back to the debate...

Negi: Actually I think this has gone far enough. I declare this debate officially OVER! (I'm gonna pop an artery here... hoo-boy!)

Iincho: B-but I haven't answered your- Ooof! <Asuna belts her upside her head, again> That's it, now you die, you red-haired, bell-wearing she-witch!

Asuna: Bring it on!

Nodoka: ...I've wanted to Negi-sensei... <blush>

Setsu: <frantic> I think we should talk about this some other time, Ojou-sama!!!

Kono: But Se-chan (we should get this out in the open now...)

Yue: ...idiots...

Chisame: I hear ya!

********************************************************
Eva: Chachamaru, what exactly is that ridiculousness above us!?

Chachamaru: That would be a line of asterisks mistress. Would you like me to remove them for you?

Eva: What on earth are you talking about, you dumb robot?

Chachamaru: They signify a change in scene.

Eva: And where exactly are we then?

Chachamaru: This is a mini-scene inserted between scenes for comic purposes.

Eva: Comic? What's funny about a conversation surrounded by asterisks?

Chachamaru: The humor stems from our awareness of our 'fantasy-reality'. The author informs me that it is, in fact, hilarious.

Eva: The things that pass for humor, now a days...

Chachamaru: Have I displeased you somehow, Mistress?

Eva: Shut up Chachamaru.

********************************************************
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Manori
Member Avatar
Middle Schooler
[ *  * ]
Funny; cute. Nicely done so far ^_^.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
mirokulover21
Member Avatar
Grade Schooler
[ * ]
hahahahaha :lol: very funny~is this a 1shot or a continuation~those parts w/ setsuna and konoka were kewt! nice :fist:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
lord_lir
Member Avatar
MASTER OF FLAMES AND DARKNESS
[ *  *  *  * ]
It's not a one-shot, but I'm still working on the next bit. I'll also post this up on Fanfiction.net when I can remember my password (grrr...)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
758759754
Grade Schooler
[ * ]
Pretty good so far! Please try to continue it...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
lord_lir
Member Avatar
MASTER OF FLAMES AND DARKNESS
[ *  *  *  * ]
Here's the next Episode. The evil robot-teacher is based on my Maths Teacher (many of the lines are actual direct quotes). I wanted to include Chachamaru in a story, which is the main driving force behind this episode. Hope you like!

*************************************************************
Period 2: The Substitute-sensei, and the First Date from Hell
*************************************************************


3-A's HOMEROOM~~


Sakurako: What do you mean Negi-kun!?

Negi: I'm sorry class, but there's no getting out of it.

Fuka: Say it ain't so, Negi!

Fumika: How could you abandon us!

Ako: We *need* you!

Negi: Now, now girls, I'll only be away for one week (Personal Development Camps are undertaken by all Staff-Members).

Makie: Bu-u-ut Negi-ku-u-un!!!

Negi: There's some good news, however! I've managed to rig you up with, what I am assured is, an excellent substitute teacher!

Hakase: That's right, Negi-sensei! For the next week, Class 3-A will be taught by the Robotics Clubs newest invention, the Teach-Master 3000!! <lightning> Mwahahahaha!

Fuka: The lightning and evil laughter aren't exactly selling the idea, Hakase-san...

Chisame: <grumble> Great, first we're lumped with a stupid kid teacher, then we get a ROBOT of all things when he can't make it... I hate this school...

Negi: Now, I'm sure you'll all be on your best behavior while I'm away, so.... SEE YA!!! <dashes out the door>

Iincho: W-wait! I already miss you, Negi-sensei! <blubber>

Akira: Astounding self-control there, Iincho-san.


MAHORA ACADEMY (HALLS):


Negi: You think they bought the Personal Development Camp, Chamo-kun?

Chamo: 'Course they did, Aniki! No one could possibly suspect that you're going away on an assignment to the East for the Headmaster!

Negi: I'm not so sure... some of them are quite perceptive... not to mention Asuna-san... Do you think I should've told her the truth?

Chamo: No point in making her worry.

Negi: You're right! Besides, I can't let Asuna-san get into any danger! (Then again, she did fly off the handle last time I didn't include her...)


3-A's HOMEROOM~~


Yue: So, Asuna-san... did you buy that whole "Personal Development Camp" crap?

Asuna: Hell no! That Negi's up to something again, I can sense it!

Nodoka: W-why wouldn't Negi-sensei include us... (Doesn't he trust us anymore?)

Setsu: I'm sure it's nothing... he probably just didn't want to worry us.

Asuna: But where meant to PROTECT the stupid little runt! (How can we do that when we're stuck in class?)

Yue: Speaking of being stuck in class, I wonder when that idiotic robotic teacher who's subbing for Negi-sensei is going to show up?

Asuna: Y-yeah! Hey Hakase, if this Teach-Whatsit 3-something's so great, why's it late for class?

Hakase: I-I'm not sure... (It was programmed to enforce all the school rules to the letter...)

Fuka: Hey guys, somethin's comin'!!!

Kaede: Ooo, what's with the freaky beeping sounds???

Hakase: Mwahahahaha! Teach-Master 3000 is HERE!!!!

Chisame: Sheesh, talk about crazy... (I hate this class...)

TM3000:
<entering the class> APOLOGIES FOR UNWARANTED TARDINESS <STOP> SENSEI HAD TO DEAL WITH STUDENT CUTTING CLASS <STOP> SHE HAS BEEN LIQUIDATED <STOP>

Makie: WHA-A-AT!!!? You killed a student!!? That's BARBARIC!

TM3000: STUDENT NUMBER 16, MAKIE SASAKI, UNDERMINING SENSEI'S AUTHORITY <STOP> CALCULATING APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT <STOP>

Makie: Eeek! I-I'm s-s-sorry sensei! (It won't happen again!)

TM3000: APOLOGY NOTED <STOP> HOWEVER, I AM PROGRAMMED TO ENFORCE THE RULES TO THE LETTER <STOP> AS PUNISHMENT, YOU ARE SENTENCED TO AN ETERNITY OF ALGEBRA EQUATIONS <STOP> YOU WILL BE TRANSPORTED IMMEDIATELY TO THE DETENTION CENTRE! <Fires a laser at Makie, who is promptly teleported out of the classroom>

Makie: Nooooo... I hate Math!!!

TM3000: ALL STUDENTS ARE TO NOTE, THAT ANY MISBEHAVIOUR RESULTS IN IMMEDIATE DETENTION <STOP> NOW THAT CORDIAL CONVERSATION HAS BEEN COMPLETED, ALL STUDENTS ARE TO SIT AND TURN TO PAGE 150 OF NEO-HORIZON TEXTBOOK <STOP>

Iincho: Um... excuse me Robot-sensei... (is that what you should be called?) But, we're not actually up to that section of the textbook, so-

TM3000: I AM THE TEACHER, YOU ARE THE STUDENT <STOP> YOU WILL DO AS I COMMAND, OR BE PUNISHED <STOP>

Iincho: That's all very well and good, but- Eeek! <TM3000 fires transportation laser at Iincho, who is instantly transported to Detention>

TM3000: MY STUDENTS WILL NOT UNDERMINE ME <STOP> AS PUNISHMENT, THE CLASS SHALL COPY OUT THE COPYRIGHT INFORMATION OF THE TEXTBOOK 600 TIMES <STOP>

Class: WHAA----AAAT!!!?

TM3000: <glare> BEGIN AT ONCE <STOP>


3-A'S HOMEROOM (AFTER CLASS)~~


TM3000: THE PERIOD DESIGNATED "RECESS" HAS BEGUN <STOP> YOU HAVE EXACTLY 2-MINUTES TRAVEL TIME TO LEAVE THE CLASSROOM <STOP> ANYONE REMAINING AFTER THIS TIME IS UP, WILL BE SUBJECT TO IMMEDIATE DE-RESOLUTION (UHHH... I MEAN DETENTION, OR COURSE...) <TM3000 leaves the classroom>

Asuna: HAKASE!!! Can we have a word with you???

Hakase: I know, I know! You all wanna congratulate me on my excellent invention!

Ku: No, but we smack you upside your head a little!!

Fuka: Yeah, Hakase! That wasn't a teacher (more like some sort of Robo-Hitler!)

Fumika: WAAH! I miss Negi-sensei!

Eva: <to Chachamaru> Nothing like watching the class squirm like that, eh Chachamaru!?

Chachamaru: ...

Eva: What on earth is the matter, ya dumb robot?

Chachamaru: ...If they hate TM3000, then does that mean they hate me...

Eva: GAWD! I can't believe this... (Now's no time to get insecure, you over-emotional-robot, you!)

Chachamaru: E-excuse me, I have an errand to run... <dashes out of the room>

Setsu: What was that all about Eva-san?

Eva: ...I don't know...

Kono: Oooo! Se-chan! Let's go have fun at recess!!! <squoosh>

Setsu: <shriek> Ojou-sama, please don't grab me there! (It's highly inappropriate!)

Eva: Hmpf! Children...


STAFF ROOM~~


TM3000: GOOD AFTERNOON, TAKAHATA-SENSEI <STOP> MY PROGRAM INSTRUCTS ME THAT DURING RECESS IT IS MY DUTY TO CONVERSE AT A SOCIAL LEVEL WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF THE STAFF <STOP> SO, DID YOU HAPPEN TO WATCH THE SPORTING EVENT THAT WAS TELEVISED RECENTLTY?

Takahata: Uh... what exactly are you?

TM3000: I AM TEACH-MASTER 3000, A PROTOTYPE SUBSTITUE TEACHING MECHANOID DEVELOPED BY THE ROBOTICS CLUB <STOP>

Takahata: I see... and what class are you subbing?

TM3000: CLASS 3-A <STOP>

Takahata: So, I take it you're the one responsible for the incredible number of Class 3-A detentions during first period! (I didn't think that Negi would've been involved!)

TM3000: MY PROGRAM INSTRUCTS ME TO DEAL WITH ALL RULE-BREAKERS BY SENDING THEM TO DETENTION <STOP> YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT I ACTED HARSHLY <STOP>

Takahata: From what Ayaka told me, you punished them for no reason! That's hardly a acceptable practice, TM3000!

TM3000: MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SCHOOL-RULES <STOP> THIS IS WHAT IS WRITTEN IN MY PROGRAM <STOP>

Takahata: You were still out of line! You should have warned them, or- (why am I arguing teaching methods with a robot?)

TM3000: YOU OVERSTERP YOUR BOUNDARIES, TAKAHATA-SENSEI <STOP> THE SCHOOL-RULES MUST BE OBEYED, BY STUDENTS AND BY TEACHERS <STOP> UNTIL I AM SATISFIED YOU UNDERSTAND THIS, YOU WILL JOIN YOUR STUDENTS IN THE DETENTION HALL<STOP>

Takahata: Wha!!! No, you ca- <Takahata is teleported to the detention hall by TM3000's laser>

TM3000: THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP> THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED <STOP>

Musical Sound Effect: DUH DUH DU-U-U-UH!!!!


MASTER'S COTTAGE~~


Chachamaru: <sigh> Why go to school, they all hate me... <sob>

Eva: Chachamaru! Chachamaru, where the hell are you hiding!!?

Chachamaru: Can't let the Mistress see me like this... (...so depressed...)

Eva: Oh, there you are. <pause> Well, are you gonna explain your behavior during class?

Chachamaru: N-nothing's wrong. I simply... uh... was experiencing some technical difficulties... (yes, that'll do...)

Eva: Y'sure you okay? (Not that I actually care, of course...)

Chachamaru: <YAWN> I'm really tired Mistress. I think I will go to bed until class has finished.

Eva: YOU CAN'T BE TIRED, YOU DON'T NEED TO SLEEP, YOU DUMB ROBOT!!!

Chachamaru: ...

Eva: AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU CAN'T REALLY BE DEPRESSED, 'CAUSE YOU'RE A ROBOT! (And an idiotic robot, at that!)

Chachamaru: H-hakase says that I've *EVOLVED* feelings...

Eva: Yeah, and we all know who for, too.. <heh>

Chachamaru: Th-that's not true!! Besides, I am allowed to have an off day!!

Eva: How does a robot have an "off-day"? Look, I'm not gonna sit here and keep up this idiotic argument! Just go to the kitchen, and fix me up some tea.

Chachamaru: <sigh> Brain the size of a Planet, and all they ask me to do is make tea...

Eva: More like a brain the size of a peanut! Now, hop to it, you clinking cacophony of nuts and bolts!!!! (Before I really lose my temper!!!!!)

Chachamaru: Yes Mistress... (ya big bossy-boots...)

Eva: What did you just parenthesis!!?

Chachamaru: I said: YOU'RE A BIG BOSSY-BOOTS!!!!! (how'dya like that?)

Eva: Chachamaru, stop acting like a bloody child, and FIX ME MY GODDAMMNED TEA!! You're almost as bad as that squirt, Negi.

Chachamaru: YOU LEAVE NEGI-SENSEI OUT OF THIS!!! <sob> I-I'm leaving!!!! <dashes out the door>

Eva: Goodness, it's almost like she's got her period... (Better call Hakase for maintenance...)


ACADEMY GROUNDS (AFTER SCHOOL)~~


Sayo: So, did those guys in detention get let out, or did that mean robotic bully keep 'em in there?

Kazumi: Nup, they're still stuck writing out lines (and doing algebra!)

Nodoka: Huff-huff! I-I've got some terrible, awful news Yue!!!

Yue: What did you do this time?

Nodoka: No-no! It wasn't me! That robotic teacher snagged Paru cutting Class, and nows she's locked up in the Detention Hall! (She was finishing her doujinshi!)

Yue: Hmpf... serves her right...

Nodoka: That's not all though, Yue! I heard Sakurako and Misa talking, and they said that TAKAHATA-SENSEI's been given detention too!

Yue: That's stupid, Nodoka. How can a teacher get detention?

Nodoka: ...I was just saying, is all...

Setsu: Ojou-sama, where are you!?

Yue: What's up, Setsuna?

Setsu: <blubber> I-It's terrible, I just l-looked away f-for a minute, and then OJOU-SAMA WAS GONE!!!! <howl>

Nodoka: Is it really that bad Sakurazaki-san?

Setsu: I'm going to PRETEND you didn't say that!

Yue: I'm sure she's fine, Sakurazaki-san.

TM3000: INCORRECT <STOP> KONOE-SAN AND A GROUP OF STUDENTS WERE DISCOVERED LOITERING AT THE ACADEMY TRAIN STATION <STOP> THEY HAVE BEEN GIVEN DETENTION <STOP>

Nodoka: U-umm... are you sure they weren't just waiting for the train?

TM3000: ARE YOU UNDERMINING MY AUTHORITY, MIYAZAKI-SAN <STOP>

Nodoka: Eeek! O-of course not! I'm so sorry!

Setsu: But I am! By harming Ojou-sama, you've crossed a line, you idiotic robot!

Yue: She's just been given detention, Setsuna. (Jeez, take a chill pill, why dontcha...)

Setsu: You know that's not the case, Yue! According to Asakura-san, the students in detention are forced to do all sorts of horrible things, like walk across BROKEN GLASS!!! Is that normal detention! I say that we need to stop this totalitarian teaching-bot, before he KILLS us all.

Yue: Would you listen to yourself? You're beginning to sound like one of those stupid Narutaki twins.

Setsu: No matter how improbable, that is the truth Yue. We need to see Hakase and get this mess fixed up!

TM3000: I'M AFRAID I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, GIRLS <STOP>

Nodoka, Yue & Setsu: EEEEK!!! <Zap>

Sayo: Oh my goodness, what was that terrible noise!!?

Kazumi: That robot just sent Bookstore, Yue and Setsuna to Detention Hall... something's not quite right with this...

Sayo: I hope it doesn't send ME to detention...

Kazumi: Why're you worried, Sayo? You could just fly through the walls of Detention Hall!

Sayo: <flustered> B-but that's against the RULES!!!!

Kazumi: Geez, for a ghost, you're quite a scaredy-cat...

Sayo: <whimper>

*******
Chamo: And so it came to pass, that the dreaded Teach-Master 3000 continued it's reign of terror, sending the majority of Class 3-A, and the Academy itself, to the over-crowded Detention Halls. Our story continues 3 days later, in Homeroom "A", where only a few of the Class are left.

Negi: Aaah... Chamo-kun, who're you talking to?

Chamo: Oh, sorry Aniki. Just narrating the story.

Negi: I.....see.....?
*******


3-A's HOMEROOM~~


TM3000: THE REMAINDER OF THE CLASS IS TO WRITE OUT 50 SENTENCES IN THE IMPERFECT TENSE <STOP> THERE IS TO BE NO TALKING <STOP> ANYONE WHO BREAKS THE SILENCE, WILL IMMEDIATELY BE GIVEN DETENTION, WITHOUT APPEAL <STOP>

Chisame: Geez, what a slave driver. Still, at least the room's quite...

Fuka: TM3000's worse than Nitta-sensei!

Fumika: Aren't robots just awful?

Fuka: Yeah, hate 'em!

Chachamaru: ...

Eva: Good god, would you grow up Chachamaru?

Asuna: Hey Eva-chan? What's wrong with Chachamaru?

Eva: She thinks everyone hates robots... AND WHY AM I TELLING THIS TO YOU!!!? (and don't call me Eva-chan, whore!)

TM3000: ARE YOU TALKING IN CLASS, MCDOWELL-SAN <STOP>

Eva: What the hell do you think?

TM3000: IN THAT CASE, YOU SHALL BE GIVEN DETENTION <STOP>

Eva: Mwahahahaha! This robot's got guts alright!

Asuna: Are you sure you want to push it, Eva-chan?

Eva: What's the worst it can do? I've got Chachamaru to protect me!

Chachamaru: <sigh> Is that all I am, some TOOL that you use to protect yourself?

Eva: Yes. Now hop to it, or I'll wind you up so hard, you'd be so springy I could use you as a pogo stick!

Chachamaru: ...Yes mistress...

TM3000: YOU DARE UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY <STOP>

Chachamaru: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't let you harm the Master. Please step aside, or I'll be forced to harm you. (seeing as I'm just a "tool" with no feelings, and all...)

TM3000: ...UNDERSTOOD <STOP>

Asuna: Wha!? That was a little easy...

TM3000: TELL ME CHACHAMARU-SAN... DO YOU ENJOY... INDIAN FOOD <STOP>

Chachamaru: I'm a robot, just like you. I cannot eat, just like you.

TM3000: IF YOU EVER WOULD LIKE... TO TRY INDIAN FOOD... PLEASE SPEAK... TO ME <STOP>

Asuna: Grossness! That dirty old robot's hitting on Chachamaru!!!!

Hakase: Actually, Chachamaru in this case would be the sexy older woman.

Asuna: That doesn't matter, it's still wrong!!!

Hakase: Yet extremely intriguing... is it possible that I have invented the first case of Robot-to-Robot sexual attraction?

Chachamaru: But, you know that I already love... never mind...

Asuna: Awww, I thought Chachamaru was gonna spill...

Chachamaru: Don't make me injure you Asuna-san.

Asuna: Hey, I just thought of a GREAT idea!!! Chachamaru should go out with TM3000! Maybe then, he'll stop being all "THE SCHOOL RULES MUST BE OBEYED" and "NO STUDENT CAN UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY!"

Eva: That's the most idiotic idea I've ever heard!

Asuna: Well, have you got any ideas that'll make that Robot stop bullying us?

Eva: No. Quite frankly, I enjoy watching you all squirm.

Hakase: Personally, I believe that Asuna may be onto something... (even I didn't expect TM3000 to be so uncompromising...)

Asuna: So, how about it Chachamaru? You gonna ask out the teacher for the good of the Class?

Chachamaru: Well, on one condition...

Hakase: I think I can take a rough guess at what that'll be, eh Chachamaru? You wanna go out with Ne- Oof! <Chachamaru fires her eye-laser at Hakase>

Eva: I still think that it's a stupid idea, but if you wanna do it Chachamaru, feel free... (Just don't involve me in anyway)

Chachamaru: Fine...

Asuna: That's the spirit Chachamaru!!!!


KANSAI~~


Negi: Well, I bought the Kyoto candy that the Headmaster wanted so badly, so I guess my secret mission's all finished!

Chamo: Wait... THAT WAS YOUR TOP-SECRET, DANGEROUS MISSION!!!?

Negi: Yup! I guess the Headmaster had cravings, or something... Still, now we can head back to school! I certainly hope that everyone's fine. (That robot Hakase gave me seemed a little suspicious).

Chamo: B-but, why would it take a week just to buy candy from Kyoto?

Negi: Now now Chamo, you're forgetting the giant candy-demon we had to fight out the front of the shop.

Chamo: That was just a guy in a costume Aniki!

Negi: Really... and those zombies?

Chamo: Just the Kyoto Zombie Lovers Association Annual Picnic.

Negi: Hmmm... you don't say?

Chamo: Let's just get back to Mahora, Aniki. I've got a feeling that that Robot has caused all kinds of trouble while we were away.

Negi: That's because you narrated the story two scenes ago!

Chamo: Sh! It's a mystery! <Both Negi and Chamo wrap black cloaks around themselves and skulk off into a dark alley, to the confusion of the people around them>


MAHORA COOKING CLUB'S INDIAN RESTAURANT~~


Kazumi: So... why're we here again?

Asuna: We're spying on the date to make sure Chachamaru follows the plan...

Kazumi: Which is?

Hakase: Hopefully, using her robo-feminine whiles, she'll tame the diabolical TM3000, freeing our classmates from the death camps it calls a Detention Hall.

Kazumi: And why're we taking pictures?

Sayo: Because it's Chachamaru's first date! (And she looks soooooo KEWT!!!!)

Asuna: Look, look! They're getting up from the table!!!

Sayo: But they barely touched their meals!

Hakase: They're robots, dummy! They can't eat.

Kazumi: That didn't stop TM3000 from shoveling as much food as he could! (Not only is he pure evil, but he's a greedy slob too! Poor Chachamaru...)

Eva: Have I missed anything?

Asuna: GAAAAH!!! We're the hell did you come from!? I thought you said this idea was stupid!

Eva: That doesn't mean I don't wanna watch! (it's called *voyeurism* Kagurazaka)

Kazumi: Shut up guys! They're going out on the dance floor!

Asuna: Whoah! That's the best "robot" I've ever seen.

Eva: Stands to reason that's how robots dance...

Hakase: No, their "fashionable dancing chips" need to be updated... (They actually think they're cool...)

Asuna: Isn't TM3000 awfully close?

Hakase: You've got a point there...

Chachamaru: <from the dance floor> EEEK!!! GET YOUR PERVERTED HANDS OFF OF ME!!!

Eva: That disgusting thing is FEELING UP MY MINISTRA!!! (I'LL KILL HIM, JUST WATCH ME!!!!!!)

Asuna: That is SO wrong!

Chachamaru: <from the dance floor> SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

Negi: <coming out of nowhere> My goodness, you were right Chamo-kun! That Robot Teacher is out of control!!! (and he's got Chachamaru!)

Asuna: N-negi! Where did you come from?

Negi: My mission finished ear- I mean, the Personal Development Camp was cancelled. (phew, no one suspects a thing...)

Asuna: Who cares why you're here, just get out there and save Chachamaru from that letch!

Negi: Right, I'm on it!

Eva: Ppf... what a show-pony (just like he's idiot father...) [Eva's in LUV!!!]


MURDER ON THE DANCE FLOOR~~


TM3000: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, WE ARE BOTH ROBOTS <STOP> IT IS ONLY NATURAL BEHAVIOUR <STOP>

Chachamaru: You creep! If you hadn't disabled my offensive systems during dinner, I'd pummel you good!

TM3000: REGARDLESS, YOU WILL SUBMIT TO MY WILL <STOP> MY POWER AS TEACHER IS ABSOLUTE <STOP>

Chachamaru: You must've short-circuited, to try and abuse a student.

TM3000: THE TRUTH IS, MY ORIGINAL PROGRAM WAS NOT DEVELOPED BY HAKASE <STOP>

Chachamaru: If not Hakase, then-

TM3000: YES <STOP> I AM A PRODUCT OF THE ROBOTICS CLUB WEAPONRY DIVISION <STOP> I AM INFACT, A SUPERIOR BATTLE DROID DEVELOPED BY CHAO LINGSHEN AND ADAPTED BY HAKASE TO TEACH <STOP>

Chachamaru: That explains why you are so tough on students with detention...

TM3000: YES <STOP> THAT, AND I'M A TYRANNICAL BASTARD <STOP>

Chachamaru: Go figure...

Negi: <bursting onto the dance floor, staff in hand> Let go of my student this instant!

Chachamaru: Negi-sensei!? <flush>

TM3000: IT SEEMS MY INFERIOR PREDECESSOR HAS ARRIVED <STOP> TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR CLASS IS NOW A SIMPLE MATTER OF ELIMINATING YOU <STOP>

Negi: I won't ask again. Put Chachamaru-san down, or I will be forced to use... uh... force!

Eva: <from hiding spot> You need to work on your heroic lines some more, kiddo!

Negi: B-but Master, I-I'm still in training!

TM3000: NO MORE OF THIS IDLE BANTER <STOP> PREPARE FOR DETENTION HALL HELL, PUNY CHILD SENSEI <STOP>

Chachamaru: I'm afraid that won't be happening TM3000. You see, when I realized you disabled my offensive capabilities, I took the liberty of disabling yours. In short, your detention laser is not functional.

TM3000: NO, BUT THAT MEANS <STOP>

Negi: You'll prove no match for my magic! Raskel Maskel Magister! VENIANT SPIRITUS AERILES FULGURIENTES! CUM FULGURATIONI FLET TEMPESTAS AUSTRINA! JOVIS TEMPESTAS FULGURIENS!!!!!!! < A beam of lightning shoots forth from Negi's hand, striking TM3000, who drops Chachamaru>

TM3000: WHA-WHA-WHAT I-I-IS HAHAHAHAPPEN-PPEN-INNG-INNG <STOP-STOP-STOP>

Hakase: Of course, he shorted out his circuits with electricity! The perfect way to deal with a robot!

Asuna: But still IDIOTIC!!! WHAT IF HE HIT CHACHAMARU!!!!?

Hakase: A thin rubber coating protects her, so the damage would be minimal... (still fry her up real good tho', not to mention he wouldn't be scoring any points with her in the romance department...)

TM3000: MY AU-AU-AUTHOR-ORIT-T-TY... BZZZZZTCH <click> <whirr> <TM3000 shorts out>

Negi: That'll show you for harming one of my students!

Chachamaru: Oh Negi-sensei! You're my hero!

Eva: Looks like the robot teacher learnt a lesson about messing with students. <addressing audience> And we all know that teachers shouldn't take advantage of their students. That's called sexual abuse, and is illegal.

Asuna: Eva-chan? Who're you talking to?

Eva: Just re-iterating the moral of the story for those who're too dumb to reach it on their own.

Kazumi: And so that brings a close to the evil robot-teacher storyline.

Sayo: Yes. Everything wrapped up nicely...


MEANWHILE, IN THE DETENTION HALL~~

Iincho, Makie, Setsu, Kono, Paru, Nodoka, Yue and Takahata: WAAAAH, SOMEBODY SAVE US!!!!!


************************************************************************
Chisame: I'd like to apologize on behalf of the author about how STUPID this storyline was. Next time'll be a lot better (or perhaps not...)

Chamo: That was quite the story, eh Chachazero?

Chachazero: You're telling me Albert! It even had killing!

Chamo: I wonder what Aniki and the rest of that crazy ol' Class 3-A will get up to next time?

Chachazero: No idea, Albert... but now its time for us to have a serious talk with our audience Albert.

Chamo: That's right Chachazero! If we're to continue with the wonderful standard of story telling, we're going to have to ask for our audience to dig deep into their own pockets, and provide us with the funds necessary to continue this fan-fiction.

Chachazero: So, for anyone out there with a generous heart, we REALLY need you to support us by sending your donations in an unmarked envelope to our offshore bank accounts in the Bahamas-

Asuna: Just what do you two think you're up to!? Trying to scam the audience out of money, eh!?

Eva: I can't say I'm particularly surprised... still, only an idiot would hand over money to you two...

Makie: Ooooo! Offshore fund you say? Here's 10,000 Yen for your show lil' ermine!! ;)!

Eva: Prove my point, why dontcha, you Baka-ranger, you!

************************************************************************
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Manori
Member Avatar
Middle Schooler
[ *  * ]
ZOMG, so funny! Totally enjoyed reading it, lol :P

Great job ;)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
worldbuilder
Middle Schooler
[ *  * ]
I especially liked the HGTTG reference
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
lord_lir
Member Avatar
MASTER OF FLAMES AND DARKNESS
[ *  *  *  * ]
I have a drama performance at school this week, so I haven't had the time to sit down and write something too long, so here's a nice short episode. I tried touse characters I haven't used before (like Takane and Mei, so kawaii!!). Hope this ep turns out good!

If anyone wants me to include a character I haven't yet, just say so, 'kay!? XD!

*********************************
Period 3: Negi learns a lesson...
*********************************


MASTER'S COTTAGE (AFTER SCHOOL)~~


Negi: I noticed you weren't in Class today Master. Is everything alright?

Eva: I go' ba blocked dose...

Chachamaru: The Master's been laid down with flu. She told me to inform you that she won't be training you this week.

Eva: I gan deatch berfedly dine Gagamagoo!

Negi: Are you sure you shouldn't rest Master? (Your eyes are all swollen and watery!)

Chachamaru: Let's get you into bed Master, and fix you up some nice, warm tea.

Eva: Goould doo all shtop bothderingk me!!! <ACHOO!!!>

Negi: Eh heh heh... maybe I should get going...

Chachamaru: That would probably be for the best sensei... (You're getting the Master all worked up...)

Chachazero: Keh heh heh! Master's such a weakling when she's sick!

Eva: Shtup gup, doo gmoronich doll, dor I'll- <ACHOO> (I"M S-I-I-I-I-I-CK!!! BOO HOO!!)

Negi: I guess I'll go see Ku-roshi...


JUNIOR HIGH GIRLS DORMITORY (KU'S ROOM)~~


Ku: Sorry Negi-bouzu! I too busy with homework to teach today! (It no help that disciple set ten page English Essay for Master... that poor form, ya know!)

Negi: Oh... that's too bad...

Ku: Why not see if Kaede'll teach you?

Negi: That's a good idea Ku-roshi! I'll see you tomorrow then! (Keep up the hard work... and sorry about the homework...)

Ku: Is okay! Negi-bouzu only doing his job!


WORLD TREE PLAZA~~


Kaede: No no no! When you attack like that Kotaro, you leave yourself wide open for attack.

Kotaro: But, that's how I've always done it! What would YOU know anyway Kaede-nesan, you're just a girl!

Kaede: You really should listen to advice when you're given it, that's why Negi-bouzu, Ku:nel and Sessha beat you so easily last time.

Kotaro: Kaede-ne! That's not a nice thing to say! (AWOO!)

Kaede: If being mean will make you work harder, then that's what Sessha must do. Now try the move again, but be more careful not to leave yourself open to counter-attack.

Kotaro: HIYAA!!!! <He attacks the same as before, and Kaede knocks him to the ground> Owww...

Kaede: <sigh> You'll never toughen up if you don't listen...

Negi: Hey Kaede-san! Hey Kotaro!!

Kotaro: Yo, Negi! 'Sup?

Kaede: Can Sessha help you, Negi-bouzu?

Negi: Ku-roshi is doing homework, and the Master is sick... so I haven't got anyone to train with...

Kotaro: Why would a vampire get sick? (She drink some bad blood, or somethin'?)

Negi: So... what I'm trying to ask is... Can I train with you guys?

Kaede: You'll have to ask Kotaro-kun, it's not my place to really say yes or no...

Kotaro: As much as I'd love to spar with ya, Negi-kun, I've gotta train some more with Kaede-nesan before I'm ready.

Negi: Oh... I understand...

Kotaro: After I've finished practicing with Kaede-ne, I'll be all ready to have another duel with you! But right now, I've gotta practice on my own. (Besides, I don't want you learning the moves I'm gonna use to beat ya!)

Kaede: Perhaps the other Magic teachers'll help you out Negi-bouzu. I'm sure if you ask Takahata-dono, or Seruhiko-dono nicely enough...

Negi: That's a great idea Kaede-san! Thanks a bunch!


STARBOOKS COFFEE~~


Takane: You'll see Mei! With all the practice I've been getting lately, I'll easily be able to beat Negi-sensei! (He'll finally get his comeuppance! Gah hah hah hah hah hah!!)

Mei: Poor Negi-sensei... he shouldn't have ever crossed One-sama...

Kokone: Just remember, you shouldn't use your magic for your own personal reasons... that'd be plain selfish...

Takane: So what!? That little runt has embarrassed me time after time... the INDIGNITIES I've been forced into whenever we meet! BUT NOT THIS TIME!! THIS TIME, I, TAKANE D. GOODMAN WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!!!

Mei: You just know what'll happen next, don’t you...

Kokone: Compulsive flasher that one...

Mysterious Nun (Who's most definitely not Misora. In fact, she doesn't even now who this Misora person you're always going on about is... phew... that'll fool 'em!): Yes.

Kokone: Yup... there's a secret that's almost as badly kept as Negi-sensei's...

Misora: What do you mean? EEEK!!! What's with the name!!!?

Mei: You really can be idiotic, you know that don't you.

Mysterious Nun (Much better): Anyways... the staff are all meeting at the gate to Library Island in an hour... the whole of Mahora's Magic Defense Force is required to be there.

Mei: Why are you telling us that? We got the same note as you.

Mysterious Nun: It's for the readers benefit.

Mei: Readers?

Mysterious Nun: Yeah! The same ones who're reading this story? DUH!!

Mei: ...

Kokone: ... You really are an idiot Misora.

Mei: One-sama!! Let's get going!

Takane: Okay. Lucky for me that Negi-sensei will be at that meeting... I'll finally have the perfect opportunity to teach that runty Negi-sensei a lesson... one he'll never forget!

Misora: Yeah... how to use magic as an excuse for stripping! (And I'm Mysterious Nun, for God's sake!!!)

Kokone: Please don't blaspheme... we're nuns, remember?

Mysterious Nun: Yeah... "MYSTERIOUS" nuns.

Mei: Though I'm sure this conversation could go on forever, I'm sure the, "readers" was it Misora, are getting bored, so let's just cut to the next scene. (Maple Naple A la Mode! SCENUS CHANGEUS!!!!)


SOMEWHERE IN MAHORA ACADEMY CITY~~


Kokone: HUH!? How'd we get here?

Mei: Scene change... but we're not meant to be here! (something must've screwed up with my SCENE-CHANGE SPELL!)

Kokone: Come on everyone, let's go hide behind that conveniently placed bush!

Takane: Quickly now, someone's coming! <They all dash behind the bush, except Misor- the Mysterious Nun, who is busy examining a particularly interesting flower. Kokone pulls her behind the bush just as Negi and Setsuna come round the corner, which WAS there, even though it hasn't been described prior to this sentence>

Negi: Meet the rest of the magic staff at Library Island, you say? How fortuitous, I was just going looking for them!

Setsu: Yes. Funny how the story is sending you exactly where you want to go.

Negi: Isn't that generally what stories do?

Setsu: Well, if that's the case, why aren't I in my beloved Ojou-sama's arms?

Negi: ...

Setsu: Uh!!! I mean... <gulp> LOOK, SOME ASPARAGUS!!!! <runs off into the distance>

Negi: Wait Setsuna-san!! <chasing after her, Negi accidentally runs through the bushes where Takane, Mei, Kokone and Misora (who would still like to be called Mysterious Nun, despite the fact that everyone is completely aware that it is really her, making the entire Mysterious Nun charade gratuitous and annoying, especially when long segments of fan-fictions are devoted to describing it. *phew*) are hiding, bowling directly into them, sending the entire group flying!>

Takane: <who has landed in a flowerbed with Negi> Y-you runt!! I should've known that you'd somehow cause problems for me today!

Negi: I-I'm sorry, it won't happen- <begins to sniffle> OH NO, THERE'S POLEN IN MY NOSE!!!

Kokone: We can all see where this'll lead, can't we?

Mei: Poor One-sama...

Takane: NOOOOO! USE A HANDKERCHIEF!!! <but, predictably, it's too late, and Negi sneezes blowing Takane's clothing to the winds>

Negi: Ooops...

Takane: WAAAAA-AAAAAH! NOT AGAIN!!!!

Mei: One-sama, this's the fourth time today!

Misora(meaning Mysterious Nun): Quite the exhibitionist, ain't she?

Negi: I guess that's why you should always cover your mouth when you sneeze.

************************************************************************

Chisame: Once again, I'd just like to apologize for this terrible story, and the pathetic comic twist at the end. (At least this one was short...)

Zazie: Next time, we'll have a story all about monsters 'n' stuff.

Kazumi: Whoah, Zazie can actually speak! This is a HUGE scoop!

Sayo: Yeah, Zazie-san never speaks.

Zazie: On the contrary, my ethereal comrade, at times I can be exceedingly loquacious. Just last Sunday, while attending a merry little soiree with one of my boon companions, I dropped a number of glib remarks to an acquaintance of mine over the current economic situation in the Eastern Bloc. I don't mind telling you, my dear Sayo, that my witty repartee was considered by all to be the pinnacle of the entire evening.

Kazumi: Come again?

Sayo: Zazie speaking makes Sayo's head all swirly...

Zazie: You see why I hold my silence?

************************************************************************
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
758759754
Grade Schooler
[ * ]
This is a great fanfic! Keep it up.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Manori
Member Avatar
Middle Schooler
[ *  * ]
Lol, loved the "LOOK, SOME ASPARAGUS!!!!" line, heh.

Nicely done so far ^_^

But, you spelled "sister" wrong. It's Onee-sama.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
lord_lir
Member Avatar
MASTER OF FLAMES AND DARKNESS
[ *  *  *  * ]
Thanks for the correction, I think I may've made that same mistake a few times. I've just finished with my schools variety night, so I should have the next segment finished soon (and I apologise in advance if I have to double-post to do it!)

EDIT: Here's the story. The moral is quite simple; I should never try and write something with an intention! I just seem to go completely random... Please forgive me if it gets too repetetive (that is a critisism I seem to get a lot about my work! -_-)

PS: I am entirely aware that the title has nothing really to do with the story (so sorry anyone who is expecting any KonoSetsu!)

**************************************
Period 4: Se-chan, Ojou-sama and the Mistake!
**************************************

Eva: Any wizard worth a grain of salt knows the importance of maintaining his Partner's happiness. Today's story is all about what can happen when a certain foolish peewee wizard forgets this simple rule.

Chachazero: Oh great, she's in *Master* mode again... blerg!

Eva: What is that supposed to mean!?

Chachazero: Just a harmless remark, oh Great One.


MAHORA ACADEMY STUDENT DORMITORY, ROOM 643 (NEGI, ASUNA & KONOKA’S ROOM)~


Negi: *yawn* I shouldn’t have stayed up so late studying my Magical Books. I couldn’t get a wink of sleep last night (couldn’t stop thinking about Sagitta Magica…)

Chamo: Ane-san did tell you to get some sleep. She’s not gonna be sympathetic this morning!

Negi: Yeah, well she sleeps in all the time!

Chamo: Probably regaining her strength from that taxing morning paper-route she has to complete every morning Aniki.

Negi: Thanks a lot Chamo-kun! Not only am I dead tired, but now I feel like a selfish jerk.

Chamo: Not to mention how late you are for your training with Ku-nesan you are!

Negi: WHA-AT!!! Why didn’t you wake me up Chamo-kun!?

Chamo: Keh, but you looked so sweet rugged up in bed Aniki! Konoka wouldn’t let me wake you.

Negi: Come to think of it, where is Konoka-san? She’s not usually up now.

Chamo: Another thing you’ve forgotten Aniki. Today’s January 17th.

Negi: Oh my goodness! How could I forget such an important day!!!

Chamo: You have *NO* idea why January 17th is important, do you Aniki?

Negi: Because it’s the start of Flu Season? (Poor Evangeline-san, probably already sick in bed…)

Chamo: Nope.

Negi: Aah… Is it some Japanese Holiday?

Chamo: Not at your sharpest in the morning, I see. January 17th is Setsuna-nesan’s Birthday. She’s gone to school early so she can prepare for the “SE-CHAN SECRET BIRTHDAY PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA” she and Asuna have spent the last month planning.

Negi: Last month? But we haven’t had Christmas yet!

Chamo: That’s because Evangeline stole it last November during her “Grinch” phase.

Negi: THAT’S JUST RIDICULOUS CHAMO-KUN!!! TELL THE TRUTH!!!

Chamo: Okay, okay… Truth is Paru-sama and I got you completely drunk by forcing you and Nodoka to drink alcoholic Eggnog.

Negi: WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO RECKLESS!? WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED!?

Chamo: The plan was you’d go to bed, but we were busted by Ane-san (I still can’t sit down after the thrashing she gave me…hoo-boy…)

Negi: Oh well, forgetting all that, this is just Setsuna-san we’re talking about here! She’s not the type to get worked up over a forgotten Birthday… (is she…?)

Chamo: Are you sure you should be so blasé Aniki?

Negi: Oh never mind that Chamo-kun… let’s just get to morning training! (Hopefully master Ku won’t be too mad, or anything…)

Eva: Dieses war der erste Streich,
Doch der zweite folgt sogleich…*

*”That was the first Part, the Second Part will follow” A famous line from a German Moral Poem for naughty children.

WORLD TREE PLAZA~

Negi: Isn’t that strange… Master Ku never misses training. I hope something awful hasn’t happened!
Chamo: She’s probably picking up the party supplies at the Academy Co-Op Store.

Negi: Party supplies? For what?

Chamo: SETSUNA-ANESAN’S BIRTHDAY OF COURSE!! (what are you, thick or somethin’?)

Negi: But it isn’t Setsuna-san’s party, is it?

Chamo: That’s what I just said LAST SCENE!!! Please listen Negi-aniki!!

Negi: What was that, Chamo-kun? I wasn’t listening… (I was looking at this interesting flower over here…)

Kono: Hiya~~!! I thought I’d find you here, Negi-kun!

Negi: Good morning Konoka-san, I don’t s’pose you know where Master Ku is? (It’s just we usually train now, and I can’t find her…)

Kono: She’s helping me with the Party Negi-kun.

Negi: Oh! We’re having a Party!? Why!?

Kono: Ummmm… you okay Negi-kun? (It’s not like you to be so forgetful…)

Chamo: She’s talking about Setsuna-anesan’s Birthday Party… but I don’t expect you to remember…

Negi: Oh…. Ummmm… you said something about that this morning, didn’t you Chamo-kun?

Chamo: Yes, you forgot to buy her-

Negi: EGGNOG! I got drunk because I drank too much eggnog! (Now I remember! Thanks Chamo-kun!) <Negi skips off to the convenience store to buy some eggnog>

Kono: Y’know Chamo-kun, I think the stress of teaching at the age of ten might finally be getting to him…

Chamo: This doesn’t bode well at all… (Not to mention my ermine-sense is tingling… I feel a malicious plot-twist coming…)

Eva: And so our intrepid, and moronic, hero merrily skips off to purchase eggnog. As we shall soon reveal, he gets what’s coming to him. (I love this story!)

Chachazero: Yay! Yay! There’s gonna be blood!

CONVENIENCE STORE~

Negi: That’s funny; they’re not selling any eggnog… (But it’s Christmas…)

Ku: Oh! Negi-bozu come help Master with party supplies?

Negi: Are we having a Christmas party? If so, the store’s all out of eggnog.

Ku: You no make sense… should learn speak better!

Negi: That’s the Baka calling the Sensei yellow, Master.

Ku: Don’t you mean Pot?

Negi: Ku! That’s illegal!

Ku: Me no understand, Negi-bozu… you sure you not sick?

Negi: No, but Setsuna is, so I’m gonna buy her some eggnog to help her get better.

Chisame: THAT’S IT! I CAN’T KEEP SILENT ANYMORE! THIS STORY IS JUST TOO IDIOTIC!! SINCE WHEN WAS THAT BRAT THIS STUPID!?

Ku: Where you come from Chisame-san?

Chisame: I…don’t…know…? <rounding on Negi> JUST WHAT’RE YOU PLAYING AT, RUNT? WHENEVER SOMETHIN’ STRANGE HAPPENS, IT’S ALWAYS YOU’RE FAULT!

Ku: Now you sound like Asuna. <giggle>

Negi: No, that’s Chisame-san. Asuna is on her Christmas eggnog delivery.

Chisame: SHE’S ON A NEWSPAPER ROUND! AND IT ISN’T CHRISTMAS!

Negi: But –but-but! Chamo-kun said that Eva became the Grinch and stole Christmas, and Konoka-san said we needed eggnog for Setsuna-san, who Master Ku just said was sick! (I’m confused…)

Chisame: You’re not confused, you’re just an idiot!

Ku: I no idea what happening now… I just leave with party supplies… <sneaks out the back door and trips over Zazie>

Zazie: Don’t mind me… I’m just sitting here not dong anything (as usual).

Ku: Did you just speak?

Zazie: No… it was an illusion.

Chisame: Oi! I haven’t finished over here! Don’t you dare move the narrative away from me!

Negi: But it was too late. Negi had already head off back to the dorms with a carton of milk and some eggs, so that he could make eggnog for the ailing Setsuna-san.

Chisame: No you haven’t! Just because you speak in the third person doesn’t mean that what you say will happen! That’s just stupid!

Negi: Uh…don’t look now Chisame-san, but you’re about to get run over by a stampede of llamas.

Chisame: Oh, of all the stupid- <but she is run over by a group of alpacas>

Negi: Llama, alpaca, same difference.

Eva: And despite the increasing ridiculous nature of this story, to prove my point, we must continue to follow the idiotic Negi as he returns to the Dormitories to try and make eggnog for the sick Setsuna’s Christmas Party.

Zazie: Have you seen my alpacas?

MAHORA ACADEMY STUDENT DORMITORY, ROOM 643 (NEGI, ASUNA & KONOKA’S ROOM) AGAIN~

Negi: Hmmm, so putting eggs in milk doesn’t constitute eggnog. If only they had taught us the recipe back at Magic School! Oh woe! Christmas is ruined!

Asuna: <coming in after her morning paper route> Christmas ruined? What are you yapping about now?

Negi: <breaking down> Oh Asuna-san! I tried my hardest to make eggnog for Setsuna-san, but instead- I SEEM TO HAVE MADE SOME SORT OF GLUE!!!!

Asuna: That’d explain why your hands are stuck to the bench, but not why you’re babbling on about Christmas.

Negi: How could you forget Asuna-san! If we don’t get some eggnog to the poor sick Setsuna-san, she’ll be reeeally upset! I can’t believe how heartless you’re being!

Asuna: Hmmm… Konoka warned me that you were acting all strange… are you sure you haven’t eaten anything funny?

Negi: How can I have eaten something funny!? I haven’t had time for breakfast, what with preparing for the “SE-CHAN SECRET CHRISTMAS PARTY EXTRAVAGANZA”

Asuna: Check a calendar Negi. It’s January 17th, not Christmas! You were meant to buy Setsuna-san a BIRTHDAY present, not make her GLUE!!

Negi: How cruel… this is eggnog, made from the depths of my heart… how could you so callously call it glue…

Asuna: Fine! If you’re not gonna bother with a proper birthday present, don’t come crying to me when Setsuna-san whomps your insensitive ass into the ground!

Chisame: <bursting through the door panting> THERE YOU ARE RUNT! DON’T THINK A STAMPEDE OF LLAMAS IS GONNA STOP ME!!!

Negi: Alpacas.

Chisame: DON’T YOU DARE CORRECT ME WHEN I HATE YOU!!!!

Negi: Look, I haven’t got time for this! I have to go take my extra-special eggnog glue over to Setsuna-san before she is killed by hyper-influenza!! (I’m co-o-o-oming Setsuna-san, there’s no need to worry!!!)

Chisame: Eggnog glue?

Zazie: Don’t ask me, I’m just a pot plant.

Chisame: …

Asuna: …

Fuka: …

Zazie: It had to be said.

Eva: Rushing ever onward, the rampaging freight train that is this story fast approaches its conclusion. Remember well the important lesson contained in this final climactic scene, and watch as the runt rues the day he forgot that simple rule: “Keep your Partner happy.”

Chachazero: Master is anyone gonna die soon? This story’s getting lame and repetitive! (I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing about eggnog and Christmas by now…)

Eva: You’re right… maybe we should take a quick break from the story and see what’s been happening around the Academy. Over to you Kazumi!

~MAHORA NEWS ROOM

Kazumi: Gooooooood Morning!!! Welcome to everyone’s favorite Morning News Program: Mahora in the Morning, the show that promises to say “Morning” more than any other Morning News Program on Morning Television.

Sayo: Good Morning! I am Sayo, your Morning News Program co-anchor woman this Morning! Can I just say how proud I am to be part of this wonderful Morning Television Program, and we’ll try my hardest to work in the word; “Morning” as often as possible!

Kazumi: Good Morning Sayo, and thanks for being here with us on Mahora in the Morning! Now, for your Morning Traffic report: Mana Tatsumiya!!

Mana: <out in the streets> Good Morning Kazumi! Good Morning Sayo! I am Mahora in the Morning’s Morning Traffic correspondent, and a proud member of the Mahora Morning News Morning Television Group! This Morning, like every other Morning, traffic is at a standstill, as angry Morning motorists wave their fists about and yell wildly while stuck in the Morning gridlock! Please remember to drive safely this Morning, and have a pleasant Morning drive to wherever you’re headed this Morning.

Sayo: Thank you, Mana Tatsumiya, for your Morning Traffic Report. Now, with the Morning Sports report, it’s Mahora in the Morning’s Morning Sport’s reporter, Yuna Akashi! Good Morning Yuna!

Yuna: Good Morning Sayo! Good Morning Kazumi!

Kazumi: Good Morning Yuna. How have the various Morning Sports Clubs been faring this Morning?

Yuna: Unfortunately, Mahora has no Morning Sports Clubs, however, I will still endeavor to say Morning as often as possible this Morning. Because there are no Morning Sports Clubs, I urge everyone to go out this Morning and play some Morning Sport! That way, I can make a Morning Sports Report about the Mahora Morning Sport Clubs!

Kazumi: We’ll try and keep that in mind. Thank you for that, Yuna! Have a pleasant Morning!

Chisame: RIGHT, THIS HAS TO STOP RIGHT NOW!!!! IF YOU SAY MORNING ONE MORE TIME, I’M GONNA SCREAM!!! (AND WHY DO I HAVE TO ACT AS THE VOICE OF REASON!?)

Eva: You’re probably right. Let’s just get back to the actual story…

Chisame: Awww hell no… either we’re stuck in a world of lunacy and eggnog, or a pathetic news show that doesn’t give the actual news, just repeats the same word over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over… (never catch me doing that…)

Eva: Whatever.

MAHORA ACADEMY STUDENT DORMITORY (SETSUNA’S ROOM) ~

Setsu: <despondent> “Happy birthday to me… Happy birthday to me… sniff” <pause> Hang on just a minute, I WILL NOT let this turn into a depressing everyone forgot my birthday story! (It’s degrading!)

Chachazero: You’ll do as you’re told; otherwise Mistress’ll gobble up your pwecious Ojou-sama!

Setsu: B-but, how will I live!!!? Waaaah!

Chachazero: Good, she’s crying! Now Mistresses’ point shall be valid (even though I’m sure everyone has forgotten just what the point of this story actually is… or knows why I suddenly got here for no reason…)


Setsu: Waaaah! Ojou-sama, I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOU!!!!!!

Negi: <bursting through the door, followed by Konoka, Asuna, Chamo, Ku, Zazie, some alpacas, Evangeline, Chisame and a giant pink gorilla named Bertha> Have no fear, Setsuna-san! I have come with the eggnog you so dearly need this cold and lonely Christmas Day!

Chisame: Oh geez… on with the bloody freak-show.

Zazie: My favorite flavor ice-cream is boysenberry!

Ku: Me? I like that Rainbow one best!

Setsu: Ummm… Christmas? Ice-cream? What’s going on?

Eva: Isn’t it obvious, Sakurazaki? The brat forgot your birthday! Render judgement! (Pull his heart out and eat it, or somethin’! I want BLOOD!!!)

Negi: Master, that’s not keeping in the Christmas spirit! (We should all gather round a roaring fire, roast chestnuts and sing us some carols!)

Asuna: It’s not Christmas Negi! Today’s Setsuna-san’s birthday, and we were supposed to throw her a surprise party, but you just ruined it with your idiocy! (I oughtta smack you!)

Kono: I’m sorry Se-chan. We’ll do better next year.

Setsu: That’s fine. I’m just relieved you’re alright Ojou-sama… (Eva didn’t try and eat you, or anything?)

Kono: Silly Se-chan! <squoosh>

Setsu: EEEEEEEEK!!!! Please Ojou-sama, have some decorum!!! (That area is private!)

Chamo: Keh heh heh! The obligatory KonoxSetsu joke…

Eva: Waaaait just a minute! Stop with the happy ending all ready! I said that the runt learns a lesson! (In other words, it’s time for PA~~~IN!)

Negi: “Deck the halls with bounds of holly! tralalalalalalalala! ‘Tis the season to be jolly! tralalalalalalalala!”

Kono: “Don we now, our gay apparel!”

Setsu: Ojou-sama! Not in front of the others!

Ku: “tralalala tralalala tralalalalalalalala!”

Eva: I give up! There’s just no point moralizing with this bunch of idiots!

Chisame: BUT IT’S NOT CHRISTMAS, YOU BAKAS!!! WHY’RE YOU SINGING CAROLS!!!?

Zazie: Let’s get out the hotpot!

Asuna: What do you put in your hotpot, Zazie-san?

Zazie: I put a bear in mine.

Eva: <sob>

Chachazero: Just give up Mistress! Have some eggnog (I put some gin in it!)

~~MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MAHORA!!~~

************************************************************************

Chisame: I just don’t think there’s any use apologizing for the content of this woeful story. I can only assume it is the product of a deranged imagination (or the author got all reminiscent about Christmas), but next time I MYSELF SHALL WRITE THE STORY! So you needn’t worry any longer!

Ku:nel: ‘Sup!

Chisame: WHA~~~!!! WHY’RE YOU HERE!

Takahata: Me and Ku:nel are here for the end-of-story joke.

Chisame: But I haven’t finished ranting yet!

Ku:nel: Shouldn’t that’ve been “Ku:nel and I” Takamichi? I thought you were a teacher (bad grammar is a no-no!)

Chisame: Oi! Don’t ignore me!

Takahata: Anyway, time for the joke. *ahem* Say Ku:nel? I don’t suppose you could inform me which baseball player is on first-base?

Chisame: Oh god! Not this sappy Abbot and Costello Routine…

Ku:nel: Who’s on first.

Takahata: No I’m asking you.

Chisame: <shriek> I can’t takes no more! This story is officially over! Get out get out!! Go away!
THE END
************************************************************************

Ku:nel: Geez, what’s her problem?

Takahata: Chisame-kun always was a bit of a time-bomb.

Chisame: What’re you doing?

Ku:nel: We’re talking.

Chisame: But the story is FINISHED!!!

Takahata: That’s why we’re outside the asterisks (So we won’t get in the way.)

Chisame: BUT PEOPLE CAN STILL READ YOU!!!!!

Ku:nel: Read? Are you insinuating that we are just fictional characters whose very words are the product of someone’s pen?

Chisame: Not a pen!! A keyboard!!!

Takahata: Tell you what Chisame-kun. Why don’t you sit the next story out (they just seem to make you angry).

Chisame: Fine! Be as crazy as you want, ‘cause I won’t be around to see it next time!

Ku:nel: NEXT WEEK: MAHORA BATHHOUSE SECRETS REVEALLED! WHO’S BANGING WHO?

Chisame: WA~~~~~IT!!! You can’t do that!

Ku:nel: Why not?

Chisame: Because it’s too seedy!

Takahata: We’ll never hook a proper audience if we don’t do something eye-catching Chisame-kun. That’s what writing stories is all about!

Chisame: That’s it! No more! We’re finished for good this time! This idiotic discussion has gone on long enough!

Akira: Would you be quiet Chisame-chan? Some of us are trying to sleep.

Chisame: WHA!!!?

Zazie: What a bleak and terrible existence we’re stuck in…

THE END (THIS TIME WE MEAN IT)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
icha-kun
Member Avatar
Nobody
[ *  * ]
Love the KonoSetsu part!!! >_<
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
thousand-mistress
Member Avatar
Actual Pedophile
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Ooh~! Bathhouse~!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
aigu92
Member Avatar
I know how to do this! Yay!
[ *  *  * ]
Funny! Keep up the good work.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Fan Fiction · Next Topic »
Add Reply