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My Friend's Nanny
Topic Started: Jan 13 2008, 06:59 AM (362 Views)
Victor Delacroix
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By now I'm sure many of you have heard this story. For those that haven't, here it is again:

In 8th grade or so, my friend came into school quite upset one morning. When asked why, he replied that the night before, his nanny had defecated on the floor under a table and blamed it on the dog, all when no one was home. The thing is, the dog wasn't home at the time, either. It was obviously the nanny.

She POOPED on the CARPET.

The reason why this is here is because I've been wondering for quite some time now what lead her to do this. Several factors are present that have aroused my curiosity as to her reasoning.

1) It was on the floor.
Couldn't she just hold it until she found a bathroom? And if not being able to hold it was the case, why was it on the floor and not in her pants?

2) It was UNDER A TABLE.
This rules out not being able to hold it, as she'd had to have purposely crawled under there JUST TO POOP. If she couldn't hold it she'd have just gone right there.

3) She blamed it on the dog.
Knowing full well that the family knew the dog was never allowed inside and wasn't even home at the time, this was her excuse. Why?

Quite the mystery.

I think that if we can piece together an explanation for these three factors, we'll understand what exactly drove her to do something so lolsomely bizarre. I'm at a loss, so what do you guys think?

Discuss.
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Asakura Raine
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wAIfu Nanasaki amirite
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1. The floor is obviously most convient place, as reaching to an elevated platform would be rather difficult - in addition, shitting your pants would be even more unconfortable. Thus, it's safe to say that shitting on the floor was most convienet for her

2. Obviously, she had contemplated running for the toilet, but upon realising she wouldn't make it, did it in the most inconspicuous place imaginable: under the table. This would then lead to her being able to frame the dog as a common place a dog would deposit their waste is under a table.

3. She's a nanny for a reason: lack of education. Clearly this woman won't win a nobel prize - not even a normal prize. She's probably stupid and only fit enough to supervise children watching tv. Thus, she thought "They'd suspect an animal" and thus, decided to blame it on the dog. However, that is where the plan stopped and she did not take into consideration the whereabouts of the dog and other such important matters.

Either way, we have a nanny: driven by the need to shit and following her lack of education, proceeded to dump on the floor and blame it on the dog. SIMPLE.
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Victor Delacroix
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The flaw with your theory lies in the house's general condition, however. There was junk all over, making under the table hard to get to, but still quite conspicuous, as it was in the video game room. It wasn't a high table, either, so she'd have had to be in some funky position to do it.
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Asakura Raine
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wAIfu Nanasaki amirite
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The house being in a dysmal condition excentuates the hypothesis that the nanny obviously suffered some form of retardation or was at least rather stupid. If she failed to perform the duty of a nanny, she's failing at life pretty much. THUS, depositing her leavings under a small table would be an ideal course of action for someone with such little brain. It obviously makes sense now.
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deathberry
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is this the reason why you ask the newbie's if they poop?


GOLDEN!
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Victor Delacroix
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Asakura Raine,Jan 13 2008
07:35 AM
The house being in a dysmal condition excentuates the hypothesis that the nanny obviously suffered some form of retardation or was at least rather stupid. If she failed to perform the duty of a nanny, she's failing at life pretty much. THUS, depositing her leavings under a small table would be an ideal course of action for someone with such little brain. It obviously makes sense now.

Ah, but she WAS quite a good nanny. She wasn't a maid, she just watched the kids. She took made food and stuff when the parents were out being succesful doctors and such. She drove the kids all over. There must be a deeper psychological force at work here! The house was in abysmal condition because the kids and the fmaily in general are slobs.

(The son's room is full of old pizza and half-finished bowls of cereal that are weeks old. Ironically it was in that room that I first discovered hentai.)
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slate
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This chair. This chair. This chair. This chair...
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2. It could have been done near the table and then moved under it.
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Victor Delacroix
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slate,Jan 13 2008
07:38 AM
2. It could have been done near the table and then moved under it.

But why would she pick it up and move it? She had to pick it up to get it through the debris.

@deathberry: Nah, I do that because that's the first thing Luffy asks Brook the skeleton in One Piece.
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Rark
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Perhaps the nanny was tired of being metaphorically shit on, so in turn, she shat on the floor. Maybe she was just tired of working for them, and in a non sober state, she shat on the floor, under the table just SEEMED like a good idea in her inebriated state
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Zaroff
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Three words : Strange Sexual Fetish.
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H.Lim
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Maybe she was suffering from some mental difficulties. That's the only reason I can come up with.
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Dauthi
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GUITAR HEROOOOO.
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maybe she has a pet of her own that she let into the house and it pooped on the floor?
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Victor Delacroix
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Dauthi,Jan 13 2008
06:25 PM
maybe she has a pet of her own that she let into the house and it pooped on the floor?

Nope, she was pet-less.
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salem-san
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lol i was just thinking about 2 girls one cup xD

what if she brought one of her friends to the house and made love by shitting in each others mouths but there was this time she missed and it fell on the carpet...

lol i think O:
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Asakura Raine
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wAIfu Nanasaki amirite
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Projectile shitting is a myth and only exists on the internet.

NOW look at this:
Wikipedia
 

A nanny may perform tasks such as:

Providing childcare during the hours agreed upon with the employing family
Supporting the physical, social, emotional, creative, and intellectual development of children
Protecting children from harm and ensuring that they have a safe environment
Preparing appetizing and nutritionally-balanced meals and snacks
Maintaining good communication with the parents, informing them of each child's development and concerns
Maintaining the cleanliness and neatness of the house as affected by the children


These are the tasks of a nanny @ the present day. Included are keeping the house nice and clean. If the house was in a shit state (OHOHOH PUN), she's failing her job. Failing to perform these simple yet prescribed tasks clearly alludes to lack of intelligence on the nanny's behalf. Mental difficulties would be my bet.

She took a dump under the table for lulz and didn't know where to go from there.

Btw, drugs and/or alcohol ruled out?
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