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| Mahora Royale; oh boy, it's going to get messy. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 6 2008, 09:29 PM (1,822 Views) | |
| book of life | Feb 6 2008, 09:29 PM Post #1 |
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IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOT THE ONE THAT IS ALREADY IN FANFICTION.NET. (the lucky person who did that started it yesterday, bad timing for me. However I still want to do it. It is something I've always wondered what would happen.) ARRGH!!!! SUCH BAD TIMING ON MY PART...... So, please don't say anything along the lines that I copied the idea from the guy, because I didn't, honestly. such bad timing............ why?! (sobs) Now then, some background: This is a crossover (of sorts) between Class 3-A and The BR (Battle Royale) Act of Battle Royale. Battle Royale was first a book, then a movie and then a manga. Basically, the plot of Battle Royale, is that a single class of 42 middle school students are stuck on an island (by the government) and forced to kill each other until only one of them is left. They forced to participate because of collars that are attached to them which will blow up if they: 1. try to pull or remove it, 2. if they step in a non safety zone 3. if the government decides to pull a button that does it automatically or 4. If no one dies in 24 hours, all the collars explode. Each student is given some supplies, such as water, food, a map, etc, and a random weapon; ranging from a fork to a knife to a shotgun to a GPS (Global Positioning System) and so forth. The main thing about BR is that in the end: Only and only one person lives. Though that's not the case in the actual story, more than one person makes out alive. All right, enough background. If I missed anything feel free to ask. My point for posting this is to see if anyone here has any suggestions or ideas about this. I myself have never written a fanfiction. So, any suggestions would be nice. Suggestions are things such as: -Who our main character, or the person the story is centered on Asuna, Setsuna, Zazie, Sayo and so forth... -I'm not really knowledgeable about the yuri parings, and since for many of them it's going to be their last days, anyone who should get it on with anyone else probably should. -Any particular scenes that would be really good, (like how some of them perish, final moments). You have one, but don't have a place for it, well this is the place. -location (other than an island of sorts) -proctor, the person in charge (maybe someone in particular) aside from the usual sadistic asshole. -anything not mentioned. -oh, and the student who you think would win. All right, anyone's help is appreciated. If anything, I'll be on my own and have to use my limited creative ability. |
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| Dauthi | Feb 7 2008, 06:16 PM Post #2 |
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GUITAR HEROOOOO.
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- You don't need to have a main character. It could be awesome and like, focus on everyone. Well, those you intend to keep alive to the end anyway. If they're going to die quickly then don't spend too much time on them. In this way it can also be a little bit of foreshadowing on who is going to make it through. - Lol knowledgeable about yuri pairings. Most of the yuri pairings on the board are pretty much made-up/wishful thinking. The only one that has semblance of being coupley in canon is Konoka/Setsuna. Do whatever you want. - I would like to see someone fall, either pushed off or willingly, off the top of a building and through trees and be impaled on a branch. And then gory symbolism of awesome shall commence. - location: hmm. Island is an obvious choice. Underwater, maybe? Like Bioshock? Oh sick, maybe you could mix the plot of Battle Royale with Bioshock's underwater civilization that needs to harvest Adam to survive. The violence and death caused by the fighting could possibly create some sort of energy needed for the underwater civilization. Wow this is getting really fantastical. - proctor: forementioned civilization? - I think either Ayaka or Konoka might win. Negi is far too altruistic to kill anyone, as per most of the class. Setsuna would kill herself before she killed Konoka. At the same time she'd be willing to fight anyone else if Ojou-sama's life depended on it, so Konoka would come out at the top at the end. Ayaka is generally a good kid too, but her mettle is about the same as the rest of the minor/supporting characters, so if put to the test her combination of everyday craftiness combined with their equal desires to live will put her on top. Asuna, Nodoka, and Yue just wouldn't be able to cut it and would sacrifice themselves. |
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| KonoSetsuna | Feb 7 2008, 07:51 PM Post #3 |
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Middle Schooler
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Yah. Realistically, Setsuna would defend Konoka with her life so Konoka won't be an easy 'kill'. |
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| pigtopus | Feb 8 2008, 11:38 AM Post #4 |
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Hi
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Woooooo sick. But I LIKE~ Make the whole team kill the government. Then stop the perishing. But some will die. Before they get to the government. |
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| Sacchan-fan | Feb 8 2008, 05:42 PM Post #5 |
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I like -pink socks- now!
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Not anything special to tell... Just that, I though, the narrator, if he or she's inside the story, might be Sayo. Since she's already dead, so that she might tell the story from the beginning to the end. What you can do also is changing the narrator at each chapter... Might be nice, too. ...Nothing else special to say... Just saying an opinion... Hope it'll can help, maybe? Huw. |
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| rainbow_kiss_xox | Feb 8 2008, 10:10 PM Post #6 |
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OMG, SHE'S BACK
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I agree with pigtopus. They should all go crazy and almost kill each other, until a secretly sane one watching from the shadows comes out and calms everyone down. They decide to team and (obviously) kick the people who put them there's butts. But if ONE person HAS to win, most likely would be Mana or Konoka (Setsuna's gonna save her butt). Natsumi escaping with Kota would be fun too. =D |
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| book of life | Feb 9 2008, 06:22 AM Post #7 |
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*takes out little notebook and makes a note of said way of death* heh, heh, heh, someone's gonna die an ugly death. The question is "Who?" *thinks* I did finish the first "chapter"... more like a rough draft.... at 6:00 am... need sleep... I decided to try doing it in first person with the narrator changing each chapter. I would like to get everyone a chapter. It may be a bit long, but please criticize. I would like to know if I got the 'feel' of the narrator as in, it sounds like them. It's a test run, so if it works, I'll continue, if not I have to rework it. Blunt, simple, honest criticizing is perfectly fine. And our first lucky narrator is Mana! In this chapter everything is still clouded in mystery. (yup, not even Mana knows) Next time rules and such will come and be cleared up. (if this one passes) Mahora Royale Blood will fall like hail; Tears will fall like rain; Betrayal, Rage, Justice, Truth shall be thrown to the clouds. Chapter 1. The Calm Before the Storm. ????- Time:??:?? Student Number 18, Tatsumiya Mana, the only daughter of the Tatsumiya Shrine, member of the Biathlon Club, and occasional mercenary-for-hire. At the moment, everything had gone dark. Upon entering Negi-sensei’s homeroom sometime earlier, someone knocked me out on the head with something. There some frustration at myself at that last minute considering I didn’t detect both the attacker’s presence and malice. Realizing that I indeed got attacked, my eyes snapped open, the whole class was in a room, seated at single desks, I had been seated in the far middle back. Everyone was still with their heads down, some close to falling from the desk like Ku, Sasaki-san and various others. After I saw Ku, I looked around and saw both Setsuna and Kaede nearby, even Evangeline-san and Chachamaru. If all of us were here and were attacked, it must have been quite the skilled and strong someone(s) who did it. Suddenly, I felt there was a sight tightening around my neck and upon feeling my neck, there was a metal collar of some sort around me. If I had one, everybody probably had one too, collars are meant to contain whoever is wearing them somewhere. I noticed them on Kaede, as well as Setsuna, who had recovered, and from the look in their eyes; both of them didn’t know what was going on. Everyone followed soon after, and was asking questions such as: “What’s happening?” “Where are we?” “Where’s Negi-sensei?” “Secchan!” “Ojou-sama!” “Who hit us?” “Huh? Where’s my laptop?” It was after hearing this last statement by Hasegawa-san that I instinctively went for my IMI Desert Eagles that I hid on me only to discover both of them were gone, along with the extra ammo. Setsuna had realized her sword was missing; Hakase was also missing her trademark lab coat. It had then truly struck me inside: if someone had attacked and emptied every single one of us of our belongings, hidden or not, aside from our uniforms, it can not be for a good reason. I did my best to look indifferent about the situation, but I was troubled, it felt like something inside me had vanished. Just then, in the mist of everyone’s questions and worries, several people came into the room, some in army uniforms, each armed to the bone, others who looked like mages and one last person who look vaguely familiar. *End Chapter 1* This the one on FanFiction.Net by Skele for anyone who's interested. It made me do what the original BR did: stop watching and think hard to myself. FanFiction.Net - Mahou Battle Royale Lastly, Thank you everyone for the suggestions! If anyone else has anything, please, by all means, keep em' coming!! |
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| pigtopus | Feb 9 2008, 06:40 AM Post #8 |
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Hi
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It's starting off well :3 OMG! THE "SECCHAN!" "OJOU-SAMA!" PART IS SO CUTEEEEEEEEEE <33 |
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| Sacchan-fan | Feb 9 2008, 08:02 AM Post #9 |
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I like -pink socks- now!
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Yeah, a nice start.^^ "Huh? Where's my labtop?" XD Since I don't understand english THAT much, I can't judge. But for me it's a good start, yeah, I'm looking forward to the following chapter. |
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| rainbow_kiss_xox | Feb 9 2008, 03:11 PM Post #10 |
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OMG, SHE'S BACK
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Coolness. XD Everyone in the dark is fun. |
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| book of life | Feb 10 2008, 03:36 PM Post #11 |
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well, since everything is going smoothly, I'll post the info that is needed. Title: Mahora Royale Author: book of life (I've yet to register on fanfiction.net... probably under a different name. Rating: It's eventually going to MA-Rated. When it gets to that point, I'll post it elsewhere. Category: Drama, Action, Tragedy Parings: Various. As soon figure which ones will work... Warnings: Students do indeed die. Other Series: Crossover with Battle Royale. I almost overlooked all of this.... |
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| Spritznar | Mar 5 2008, 12:57 AM Post #12 |
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Grade Schooler
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so i definitely agree that setsuna would have konoka as the last survivor if she could, but i also wonder if konoka would let her do that. konoka seems too good hearted to let setsuna kill off all their friends (then herself) just so she could live. of course there's still no way setsuna'd let anyone close enough to hurt konoka but that might not stop konoka from taking her own life to prevent the aforementioned massacre and i honestly can't decide if i want to read this or not. the idea intrigues me but i'm not especially fond of watching characters i like die... |
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| book of life | Mar 27 2008, 01:16 AM Post #13 |
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Well, I finished the next chapter. I actually wondered if I could keep up... time will tell. It's longer than I thought it would be... sorry. there's a bit of a roadblock, I registered for Fanfiction.net, but for some reason my username and email don't work and I can't register again. (sorta part of delay for this chapter, discouragement) I don't want to keep posting it here since it would be too long and too much, but... what am I supposed to do with it??? FEEDBACK WOULD INCREDIBLY HELPFUL AND APPRECIATED. problem aside, here's chapter two, with some random, reflection comments at the end. Chapter 2. Denial is Always the First Step…. Well, After the Introductions. ????-Time:???? Student Number 25, Hasegawa Chisame. Not much about myself, other than that I think Class 3-A is a bunch of crazy idiots. I also lead a double life, but I’m not going to go into detail about that. “What!? You!?” Asuna had just spewed it out. Apparently, she knew this guy and at the same time, rushed him with blinding speed… well, it blinded my eyes. There was a *thump* and everyone looked to see Nagase-san and Sakurazaki-san on top of her, struggling to keep Asuna still, who was babbling rather incoherent words now. “Settle down, ladies,” said a voice from outside of the room. In came a male with a mage’s robe on, looking no different than the others who were already there, expect for this person seemed to give a different aura, more superior one. “I can assure you, that all of you will be able to go crazy as soon as everything is explained.” The way he said and worded it gave me a bad feeling about all this at the ‘crazy’ part. “I hope none of you suffering brain damage from the lump(s) on your heads. The gas wouldn’t have work on many of you, and to be equal, we decide hit all… well, most of you with various objects that were on hand. Many of you have left head imprints due to your thick heads. Got like five on a fire extinguisher.” The five people whose head prints I thought of were that of the Baka Rangers. “Allow me to introduce myself: I am your teacher, Kaiji for the… lesson, I guess we could say, calling me ‘Sensei’ is perfectly fine, this short one here is Fate and….” Asuna went into another burst, “Wait! FATE!!! Yes, you the hurt Negi and stripped me of my clothes! You’re so dead!!!” I heard the class give a big gasp of shock, others started to look worried. Considering it is Kagurazaka-san saying this, it wasn’t all that hard to believe, her being stripped, that is. Wish I had my laptop, could get info somewhere. Sensei was going though some papers and then spoke, “Student Number 8, Kagurasaka Asuna… Asuna-chan, those who speak without raising their hands are to be punished. I’d hate to punish you, so please shut your mouth and raise your hand.” Iincho-san stood up and started to laugh, flowers appearing out of nowhere, surrounding her, “Ho, ho, ho, how natural it is for Asuna-san to open her mouth and speak like a monkey.” “Student Number 29, Yukihiro Ayaka….” “Yes, Kaiji-sensei?” “You didn’t raise your hand.” This shut Iincho-san up quite effectively (her flowers burned into ashes) and she sat back down. Asuna was also back in her seat, mumbling more unclear words, probably tempted to get up and strike. Fools, the both of them, should have kept their mouths closed. Sensei continued, “Now then, where was I? Ah, yes, introductions… my assistant, Fate is the short one here and everybody else is part of security, here to keep you girls restrained. Their names are not as important as ours since they’ll be on their way after you are dismissed.” While the soldiers stayed in their positions, all ready for action, like a bullets in a gun, the robed people seemed to be bored, looked around, and played with what appeared to be wands… more like sticks. One took out a book and was reading it, occasionally looking up at everyone only to yawn and look back. The soldiers looked like they were incapable of cracking a smile, and despite that the others were bored, I couldn’t help think that their eyes were on us were filled with malice. Creepy. “As many of you may have been wondering for the longest of time: “What are we here for?” Great news! We’re about to find out! You are all here for a competition, a game, you could say and with every game, there is a winner: a single winner who rises above everyone else with triumph. What’s the game that the 31 of you shall be playing? Well, it’s not free for all dodgeball, let me tell you. Now, let me put it so even the dullest of you get it: The goal of the game is kill everyone else until you are left. As it as been said many times over: “Kill or Be Killed.” And when I mean ‘kill’ I mean the opposite of ‘live’. If you are killed, You Lose. Couples, there is no ‘we’ in ‘team’. There is a ‘one’ in ‘alone’ and an ‘I’ in ‘win’ though.” If there was anything in my mouth, I would have spewed it out. There’s no FUCKING way they were serious about this. It was a joke. This had to some fucked up dream I’m having. Has to be. I must have been doing something dream this. Looking around, it began to hurt, more than half of us started to cry: Izumi-san’s face was covered in tears and snot was running down her nose, holding the hands of an also crying, though lightly, Okouchi-san. Sakurazaki-san immediately left watching Asuna-san, went Konoe-san, and went in position to grab her sword only to realize it wasn’t there. She ended up looking dumbfounded before taking Konoe-san’s hands and look suspiciously at Sensei and the rest. The younger of the twins was a river; she could probably drown herself and her sister in a few minutes. I heard Murakami-san say incredibly weakly, “Chizu-nee… please say something nonsensical” Naba-san, however, had her hands to her mouth, was crying and didn’t respond. Yotsuba-san also was flowing tears, something I’ve never seen before. There was a part of me that just wanted to break and laugh, but only a low “heh, heh, heh” came out. Akashi-san raised her hand. Sensei looked at her, “Yes, uh…. Student Number 2, Akashi Yuuna. How may I help you?” “BULL SHIT!!!!!! I DON’T BELIVE YOU!!!!! I FUCKING REFUTE WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!!!!! GET US THE FUCK BACK HOME!!!!!” This snapped me back to reality… which sucked ass, since I was hoping it was a dream. Sensei just smiled, “Good thing you raised your hand Akashi-san, or you would be so dead. Shame too, your loving father wouldn’t be allowed to have your corpse… if there is one.” Akashi-san held a look of fury but Sasaki-san held her hand and she started to cry herself. “Don’t anything stupid now; you would only get that much further away from him.” The small one…. His name… Fate spoke, “They seem be have trouble swallowing this down well. What shall we do?” Miyazaki-san raised an incredibly un-stable hand. It was hard to tell see if she was crying, I thought so; the tears seemed to have gotten onto the hair in front of her and just stuck to her face. Sensei while thinking looked up at her, “Number 27, Miyazaki Nodoka. Do you need something, like a tissue? Mind you, I don’t have any.” “What… happ...*sniff*...ened to Negi….sensei?” It must have taken something to ask this, considering everyone went quiet, save the occasional sniffle. Kaiji-Sensei looked her and smirked, “Where indeed… ah, perfect time to bring it in.” He motioned to two soldiers who promptly left. They came back with several others holding a body bag. Sensei chucked, “Know who this is? Give you a hint… it’s someone you know…” I felt myself starting to laugh again… *End Chapter 2* Random Author notes that sometimes appear in Manga: Chapter 1: easiest chapter to write, being vague and keeping things in the dark made it go smoothly. No dialogue too, which also made it easy. My only concern was if I got the tone of Mana correctly and how Mana wasn’t that well developed since she confused like everyone else. Chapter 2: Writer’s block came about a 1/3 in. Coming up with the sensei’s name was a pain in the ass; I ultimately took the Japanese name of a criminal from the game Phoenix Wright, (which was in the last 10 minutes). Chapter was difficult, had to introduce Sensei and had him talk a lot, while most other characters didn’t. It was also had to put in Chisame’s thoughts of it, without having her saying the usual normal reactions. (She is the narrator of this chapter) Originally Kazumi was going to be the narrator, but it was changed part way. Because they did find out about having to kill each other, I had the cursing come out. Sorry if it was excessive. I feel Fate and the others robed folk aren’t that well explained, but I guess that could wait in other chapters (if there are others). Forgot to fix Asuna's name... oh well. Again, my apologies about the very long post. |
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| Sacchan-fan | Mar 27 2008, 01:38 AM Post #14 |
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I like -pink socks- now!
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XDD I love the end of this one. And sure Chisame, Asuna and Ayaka are fools.--" A nice chapter anyway. Good job!^^ |
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| pigtopus | Mar 27 2008, 11:58 AM Post #15 |
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Hi
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Why fanfiction not working for u D: Good chap (: |
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7:21 PM Jul 10