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Online Dating; Is it worth the risk?
Topic Started: Feb 26 2008, 01:42 AM (471 Views)
KonoSetsuna
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Middle Schooler
[ *  * ]
I'm curious to know other people's opinions of online dating. It's becoming a big thing now and while others think it's a blessing; others absolutely disagree.

So what do you think?

Obviously we're probally all aware of the warnings and the bad people on the internet. But do you believe one can find their love online? Is it worth the risk if your willing to take the risk?

All in all, What's your idea on beginning a developing relationship online?

Be sure to list any other comments on what you think of online dating.
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Victor Delacroix
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My view: It doesn't work, and it can't work. I've been there. Believe me when I say no good will come of it.

It started on a forum of which I am currently ashamed to claim past membership. At the time I was very into Tokyo Mew Mew, and I struck up a conversation with someone on that forum about it upon seeing her related signature. We got to talking, and then we gradually got to know each other better. Before I knew it, we were in a typical online relationship.

Sure, the first two weeks were okay, with lots of lovey-dovey happiness and things. But then she decided that she could tell me ANYTHING. So she goes and decides to let the secrets just burst forth like so many bees from an apiary. She was one fucked up kid. She'd been molested, she cut herself, she had stabbed herself and never told anyone, she was into all sorts of grotesque pornography, she kept saying she wanted to die; it was terrible. But by that time, despite having only had this "relationship" for two weeks, we had been speaking VERY regularly for at least 3 months. I had begun to care quite a bit about the girl, which is what made all this shit pretty hard to take.

What's worse is that it only went DOWNHILL from there. Oh my God, it was terrible. It got to the point where I would spend at least 5 hours after school trying to console her and convince her life was worth living. No other conversation was allowed; any other topic brought up was swiftly ignored with extreme prejudice. Here's an example of a typical conversation.

Me: So I tested for another belt today at kung fu.

Her: My dad almost hit me today.

Me: *too nice to ignore it* Why?

And it would go on for 5 or so hours like that. Usually the night ended with me giving her a long and heartfelt speech about why life is worth living, to which she would reply by actually becoming angry at me for trying to tell her something opposite her opinion. I kept trying to help however, since she kept coming back.

At around the one month or two month mark, all signs that it was any sort of romantic relationship were swiftly deteriorating. Only through our phone conversations could anyone even derive the slightest hint of typical romance. By month two I had really lost any sort of feelings for the girl, but I kept talking to her because, as the nice person that I am, I wanted her to see life was worth living. I knew it would take some doing, but six months of telling her why she shouldn't kill herself for 5+ hours EVERY SINGLE DAY was too much.

It was only near the end of our time "together" that any semblance of a romantic relationship resurfaced. She started talking about lots of other boys, ones she saw at school, at a restaurant, etc. Now, I had LONG been free of the special feelings I had for her at first, but I still maintained an easily discernable air of jealousy whenever she did this; not because I was truely jealous, but because that's just plain rude of her. If she believed we were still in a relationship, which she did, why would she do that if she had any damn manners at all?

It was eventually revealed to me that she had been carrying on another relationship over the internet with a 20 year-old living only one state away from her. They actually DID meet in real life, if only briefly, and she described this encounter to me in great detail.

Needless to say, that's the same day we broke up. Oddly enough, SHE broke up with me. I didn't have to put up with her anymore, but I was still upset. Why? Well, it wasn't really out of any sort of heartbroken feeling, I tell you that. I think that I was as upset as I was simply because all of a sudden, I didn't have to deal with her any more. It was as if all of her emo bullshit from the past 6 months had suddenly overcome my ever-positive attitude that I had when speaking with her and taken hold of me. Of course I wasn't NEARLY as fucked up as she was, but for about three days after she broke up with me I was very noticably depressed. It was the culmination of six months of misery, but was also the end to those six months. Upon recovering from that depression I felt renewed and ready to "take charge of life" again. My grades all went up, and I was generally a much better person. All because I was finally free from that dreadful girl.

One good thing did come of all this misery and nonsense, however. It was during the time that I was "dating" this girl that I met my current love interest, who is also a very dear an irreplacable friend. I met her at Anime Weekend Atlanta while I was still "with" the emo girl, and when we spoke online I occasionally told her some of the details of that relationship.

When the emo girl broke up with me, like I said, all those six months of misery caught up to me, and there wasn't really anyone that could help. My friends at school had this very immature, "You're sad; let's all laugh at you." attitude, so I really couldn't talk to them about it. My parents...eh, I didn't want to burden them with all of her crazy bullshit. The girl I like now was the only one that was really there to help. Until then we had only spoken through e-mail and private messages, but when I told her all that had happened a few hours after emo girl broke up with me, she gave me her phone number without any hesitation. I credit the phone conversation we had later that day as the thing that saved me from weeks of misery. I am eternally grateful to her for that, and I hope we can at least remain friends for the rest of our lives. She's wonderful and makes me feel special; she's the antithesis of the girl that I spent the bulk of this post describing.

So while I did meet and become close to someone outside of my e-relationship BECAUSE of my e-relationship, I strongly oppose online dating. I think the experience described above is proof enough that it can and will blow up in your face.
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-[-Book of Mages-]-
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;)
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It hurts.

That's all I have to say about it.

Well actually I'd type long paragraphs about why it does, but Victor's example is pretty much proof enough, and it saves me from typing too much since its late. :3
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Kei
【馬鹿】
[ *  * ]
^^"
Whats wrong with Tokyo mew mew? I dont think down upon Online Dating... Just to those that think its not a serious relationship.. which would why it could fail. That and to be prepared for anything that can be thrown at you. I do think that Hurting ones self is bad and that suicide is a cowardly thing to do. but i would have tried to support that person all i could , as you said. and done my best. even if that person seemed a bit messed up... alot of the world is messed up nowadays. Im also one to know something about whom im dating . especially character , personality and such. make sure that you compatable too and such. Online Dating isnt neccesarily the best way... but theres nothing wrong with it. If you care for someone so much.... there should be no boundaries as to where...


Kei
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Zaroff
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I think there are a couple of factors required for an internet relationship to work:

1.Both participants are legal adults:
The reason this is, is because it makes 2 and 3 more possible. Doesn't really need to be true, but it helps.

2.You're able to visit each other IRL:
This is important because otherwise your relationship is limited to cold emotionless text. Visiting your internet love adds a whole new dynamic to the relationship. This dynamic being that it could become a normal relationship.

3.You're willing to visit each other often:
If you don't visit each other often there is no, for lack of a better term, payoff from the relationship. Unless you both happen to think sitting in front of a computer is romantic (which you shouldn't). The range of emotions being expressed are severely limited. Phone calls are an option but they hardly cut it. Although in reality this makes what you would be doing a meta-internet relationship, it is in my humble opinion the only way to make dating somebody you met on the internet work.


So I would suggest that if you were to start an internet relationship do not , I repeat DO NOT, make anything official until both parties are comfortable enough with each other to visit one another. Other wise you are doomed to failure.

Unfortunately, all the internet relationships I've been in have failed to meet those requirements ;_;
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Kei
【馬鹿】
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^^" 2 years and counting...
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Zaroff
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Your vague comments leave me confused as to whether you're arguing against a point I made, agreeing with a point I made, or being vague.
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jiz
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trufax
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Been there, done that. It's hard when it's a serious relationship. It takes a lot more commitment and trust than a regular relationship.

I dunno, I think it's a lot more easier to like somebody over the net. I mean, you can be a lot more open towards your online friends than your IRL friends, y'know?

I dunno, I can say that I'm a lot more open online than I am IRL. There are things I'd rather not say or can't say in person so here on the net, I can be more of myself. Plus, usually people talk to online friends a lot more than IRL. I spend hours everyday talking to peeps online. And the only time I really hang out with my RL friends, is at school or whenever something comes up =w=;

And if you're serious about the relationship, I think it turns more into a long distance one, anyway D':

But yha, it hurts. Especially if you're the creepy obsessive girlfriend like me ;(
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shewill
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Middle Schooler
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Online dating... Is not a good way to start a relationship since you'll never know if that person is telling the truth and really himself/herself when talking to you... It's easy to lie when no one can testify against you or make a imaginary one to support you... Currently there's some people who fool other people just to rob them or rape them(heard quite a bit of it on the news)...

However online dating is not that bad since it can overcome the limitation of distance for lovers or start something good for people whose miles away from each other... but one thing is you can't be with that person unless your willing to take the chance to go where he/she is...
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Victor Delacroix
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jiz,Feb 26 2008
05:20 AM
I dunno, I think it's a lot more easier to like somebody over the net. I mean, you can be a lot more open towards your online friends than your IRL friends, y'know?

I dunno, I can say that I'm a lot more open online than I am IRL. There are things I'd rather not say or can't say in person so here on the net, I can be more of myself. Plus, usually people talk to online friends a lot more than IRL. I spend hours everyday talking to peeps online. And the only time I really hang out with my RL friends, is at school or whenever something comes up =w=;

This is exactly my argument against online dating. If we were right in front of each other, Stephanie (emo girl) would never have told me all those horrible things. But since we were on the internet, they came out pretty fast.

And wouldn't STOP coming out. D:
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jiz
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trufax
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Well, your online relationship sounds kinda like what Lighthawktenchi just came out of. They only knew each other for a few months before they started "going out." And their relationship only lasted a little over a month. Honestly, I think any online relationship is fucked if the two of you only knew each other for a few months.

A friend of mine has been talking to this girl online for like 4 years and it was only just until last year the two of them finally got hooked up x: I dunno, I think if the friendship lasts longer than a few months, you'll get to see how that person is like. So instead of shit being thrown at you quickly when you get into that relationship, at least it'll probably come out slower when you're just friends. I've known my current interest for like..almost two years now o 3o And I'd still like to get to know her better before I'm sure I want to get into a relationship with her or not.

My relationship with Mei wasn't as horrible(not saying it was horrible though DD: ) to make me deeply oppose online dating D': Probably just me though ;(

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KonoSetsuna
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Middle Schooler
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I wonder...

Some say it's easy to fall for people online because you fall for the idea of them... not them themselves. Do you believe this?

It's hard to determine which is which sometimes because lets face it, emotions can be very confusing offline and on.
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shiryu-ryu
>: D (at last) i learned how to do this too~~!!!
[ *  *  *  * ]
Reasons why a good internet relationship is hard to find:
(please read this manga before reading the rest of my posts for examples)

1) Both people will probably never meet in real life if they date someone from an other country.

2) When they do meet, apearence and how those people actually act and talk in real life will take a great deal with how the relationship turns out, and there's a good chance one side would be disgusted with the other after meeting. (like with Haruka and Shinjou in chapter 1)

3) On the net, people will only show you they're cool and nice side. Until you meet them, you might not know if they're really lowlifes or not.

4) On top of what's said in 3#, on the net people flirt and act all lovey-dovey more than they actually love each other. (Shinjou and Haruka are perfect examples there. Just look how they act like they're married on the phone but it's more like flirting and playing rather than real love.)

5) ">A> Not like it would really happen, but youre e-gf\bf could be a pedo~
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Evenkurugan
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Eventeed Procrastination.
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I'm not to sure of my opinion of it. It has both pro's and con's. Some big con's can be pedophiles, maniacs, stalkers and sometimes, you find out the person you thought was your online gf/bf was 10 years younger than you and your like, oh shet.

Then you got some pro's. There's no false love there. I mean like, in todays world, alot of people just go for another person to bang each other. Amirite? So if it's online, you can't really do that. Your also not doing it just for the looks. Your doing it for this persons personality. Some may say "Oh that's not how they probably are in real life." and you may be right. Though I believe that a persons online personality is what is truly inside them. They may not be all happy, giddy, talkative and fun loving in real life, but you know its in them.

I dunno. Maybe, maybe not. I can't find anyone to take me for who I am IRL so I guess online is the only way to go for now.
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jiz
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trufax
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Well, it depends on how you approach the relationship. To be honest, the reason why I took interest in Mei was cos I thought she looked cute lulz For me, in any dating type of relationship to kick off, the person has to at least be good looking. Yeah, you can say I'm shallow for mentioning looks, but you know it's true for other people as well >_>

Anyway, falling in love with the idea of the person can be said with face-to-face relationships as well. Some people totally change themselves to impress the other. Depends on the person, really. And how honest they are to themselves and the other person.

I've only had one experience in which the person I thought as a good friend was a total fake. Really depressing to find out your best friend isn't real. But it has taught me to approach online friendships and relationships with more caution. People are good lairs and others need better judgement.

I think it'd be easy to tell if the person is a fake or not. Usually they make up all this unrealistic drama ;(

Also, being awkward when the two of you meet IRL for the first time is perfectly normal. It's the same with meeting online friends too. But it's a little less awkward if the two of you talk over the phone and maybe webcam regularly. If the relationship dies after the first meeting, then it's just something you hafta deal with. I think that if you're actually serious about the relationship, it's just a little obstacle you have to get over.

Also, at least with online dating, you have a wider selection of people to choose from instead of just sticking to all the ugly people in your area like me >_> Dating isn't always bliss. There's shit you always hafta deal with, online and IRL.
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