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ATTN: All
Topic Started: Jul 13 2006, 01:22 PM (117 Views)
Kinkajou
Member Avatar
I make iron women out of iron maidens

This is an essay on Fire Emblem fan fiction. Eh, I slightly lied. It is not an essay soley, I mean, solely about Fire Emblem fan fiction. This essay encompasses all genres of fan fiction, including Harry Potter fan fiction, which in my humble opinion has no real place in fan fiction and is actually teenage girl’s, whoops, I mean, girls’, ‘cuz grammatical rules state that the apostrophe should be on the outside of the ‘ess’ if you are referring to more than one girl, way of lobbying Miss J.K. Rowling that Harry should never have ended up with Ginny, Sirius lived and hooked up with Remus Lupin, and Dumbledore killed Snape and danced on his greasy corpse. I’m sorry, I’m digressing. Please don’t hurt me. Anyway, this essay focuses on onesohts, oops, oneshot, I mean, ONESHOTS, argh, caps lock, oneshots. There, I saod, I mean, said, I mean, I finally typed it right. Excuse me for a few seconds while I pat myself on the back. Alright, I’m back, even though you didn’t notice the flow of time while reading this. I’m getting off-topic, I will try not to continue in doing do, I mean, so. Where we last left off I was talking about oneshots, and I don’t mean like one shot of whisky, or one shot of buckshoot, err, duckshot, argh, buckshot. I do not like my keyboard. Anyway, oneshots are fanfics that have no sequal. I mean, sequal. Ahh, I did it again. Sequel. OH YEAGH, uuuhhh, OH YEAH, I ROCK!!! Anyway, alright, I kinda lied again. Oneshots RARELY have sequels, but they do not have more than one chpater, I mean, cheptar, wait, Microsoft Word doesn’t accept that. I wonder way, err, why? Anyway, oneshots do not have more than one story-section thingy. If you don’t believe me, look at the word iislef, I mean, itself: One, well, that’s obvious, and shot…eh, I don’t know where that comes in, but it mens, ah, means, it will not be contu--cuntin--contun—added to. That is sometimes a good thing, because I have read many oneshots that shouldnt’ve—huh? Microsoft Word says that’s not right. Anyway, buckshots, I mean, oneshots, will never be added to. Wait, I just said taht, I mean, tat, i, I mena, FIRES OF A THOUSAND CONSTIPATED ANGRY GODS UPON MY KEYBOARD!!1 Anyway, the point of this essay was to stat, I mean, state that no matter how strangely erotic the fanfic is, if it has the buckshot, I mean, oneshot tag on it, IT HAS DIED AND THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER ONE! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! …Sorry, I lost control. Please smother me in cheap MSG-laden teriyaki sauce and feed me to an abnormally large pygmy marmoset. And now I’m digressing again. I’m so sorry. Anyway, I have nothing more to say, so this fanfic, I mean, essay, is coming to a close. The only thing left to say is, HERMIONE WILL NEVER END UP WITH HARRY, DRACO, OR SNAPE YOU QUIT WRITNG ABOUT IT, LOOSERS, I MEAN, LOSERS!!! Thank you, and I hop, I mean, hope, this has been an enjoyble, I mean, enjoyale, I mean, ah, **** it. Goodnight.
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
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Lady Drakonis
ha ha ha

Winnar.
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Kinkajou
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I make iron women out of iron maidens

*takes a bow*
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
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Lewa


CDH: Blah blah blah... huh? Pygmy marmoset? I want one! Or five!
Characters
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Silver Dragon
~Ruining lives one post at a time~

Umm... *takes a breath, knowing she's likely to be shot for this* I have to disagree. There are actually some really good HP fanfiction, and fanfiction itself is a freedom of writing expression on an author's work. If someone wants to write a Draco/Ginny and can find a way to make it work (whether by an alternate timeline or strange circumstances), then power to them. I may not support the couple, but I don't have to read it. :fwee:

Oneshots are names that way because its like the last chance fic- FF 7 could have been considered a one-shot (it was Square's last chance), but it spawned alternate universes. Yes, its annoying when someone says "Can't wait for the next chapter!" on a one-shot, but it also means someone likes it enough to want more. :muahaha:

*sits down and straps on helmet before attacks come...*
Ghian Fey, A Knight of the People
"A nation is made of people, not a single ruler." *inactive*

<- Goddess of inactivity and surprise visits!
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Kinkajou
Member Avatar
I make iron women out of iron maidens

...I guess you've never seen an "essay", have you?

Here, this is the essay that spawned them all:

Garm is the Sacred Twin black axe of Grado. Garm is S-Ranked, meaning a unit must have an S-Rank in axes to use it. Due to the fact that a unit can only one S-Rank, a, say, a Warrior must choose between S-Ranking Bows or S-Ranking Axes. However, I slightly lied. Lyon can S-Rank both Dark Magic and Staves. In Fire Emblem 6: Fuuin no Tsurugi, a unit can S-Rank all possible weapons it can use. Therefore, a FE6 unit, to be specific, a FE6 Paladin, the best of which is Zealot, could use Garm, Audhulma, and Vidofnir. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. A FE6 unit could not use Fire Emblem 8: The Sacred Stones weapons. However, it can use FE6 weapons. Therefore, it can use the Armads, Durandal, and Malte. However, it can not use all three at once, unless the game has been significantly altered and the Paladin has three arms. But that's slightly off-topic, I digress. We are talking about FE8 because we are on the FE8 board. The possible wielders of Garm are, in order of appearance, Gilliam, Franz, Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Forde, Amelia, Duessel, Gerik, Dozla, Caellach, and Fado. Quite a large portion of FE8's cast can use Garm. However, many of these units can only use axes post-promotion, therefore increasing the difficulty of getting them an S-Rank in axes. It can be done easier, however, if you use the Devil Axe. The Devil Axe gives 8 times as much axe weapon experience as most other axes or most other weapons. However, the Devil Axe is very heavy and very innaccurate. Also, it can backfire and do damage to the user equal to the damage it would've done to the opponent. The Devil Axe is risky but it has a good potential benefit for the user. Garm gives a +5 bonus to Speed. This is good because many of the potential Garm wielders could benefit from the boost. In appearance of order, I mean order of appearance, they are Garcia, Ross, Kyle, Duessel, Dozla, Caellach and Fado. None of them have good Speed. The stereotypical axe user often lacks Speed. A notable exception to this is Dart from Fire Emblem 7: Rekka no Ken. Dart has an impressive Speed stat, so giving Dart the Garm axe would increase his Speed to make it quite high. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Please punish me in a kinky way. Back to what I was saying. Dart cannot use Garm, despite the fact that the only weapon type he can use, let alone S-Rank, is axes. Why, you ask? Garm does nto, I mean, not, exist in FE7. However, Basilikos does. Basilikos could be considered an inferior version of Garm. I'm sorry, but I am digressing from the point I am trying to make. Please reprimand me if I do this again. Garm is acquired upon completing Eirika's Chapter 15: Scorched Sand or Ephraim's Chapter 14: Father and Son. Interestingly, the son does not appear during the Chapter. I'm sorry, i, I mean I, slightly lied again. The son, Lyon, appears in conversation scenes before and after the main conflict in Father and Son. However, I am slightly digressing. Upon completion of said Chapter(s), Garm, along with Gleipnir, are added to the main character's inventory. However, something interesting happens when the main character's inventory is full. I am sorry, what happens isn't very interesting. Something truly interesting does happen when the main character's inventory and the Supply convoy is full. In the first instance, you will have to send two of the main character's items to Supply, and you will have to discard two of the main character's items in the latter circumstance. This creates the interesting paradox where the sacred relics of Grado can be simply discarded. This is interesting because such powerful items, two of the eight used to defeat the feared Demon King, are merely thrown away. I'm sorry, I slightly lied again. Only seven of those items can be used against the Demon King. Latona, the Holy Staff of Rausten, cannot be used against the Demon King because it is a staff that heals all of your units except the one who uses it. However, it has little strategic use because getting one of your units to S-Rank Staves is worthless. I'm sorry, I digressed yet again. Please discipline me, Master.
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
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Silver Dragon
~Ruining lives one post at a time~

... Okay, now I'm confused... :wtf:
Ghian Fey, A Knight of the People
"A nation is made of people, not a single ruler." *inactive*

<- Goddess of inactivity and surprise visits!
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Vicas
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Ok, hop aboard then. Adventure awaits.

We (The FEGFAQs trolls) make extremely verbose essays to be used while trolling. It's fun.
Quote:
 
[00:09:11] Magus of the Purge: You and Kim's anniversary is the original Great Purge?
[00:09:15] Captain Vicas: Yep
[00:09:28] Magus of the Purge: No wonder your relationshup has lasted this long.
[00:09:32] Captain Vicas: Of course
[00:09:36] Magus of the Purge: it was blessed by Gheb himself
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Iron Shaman
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ha ha ha

Meh. I got bored of them pretty quickly. <_<
FE: Herald of Faith
Take a look! IS has got event hacking skillz!

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Gooooo Fish <3
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Silver Dragon
~Ruining lives one post at a time~

Oh. (neoseeker <-) *melts into a puddle*
Ghian Fey, A Knight of the People
"A nation is made of people, not a single ruler." *inactive*

<- Goddess of inactivity and surprise visits!
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Vicas
Member Avatar
Ok, hop aboard then. Adventure awaits.

Yes. The Garm essay is one of the best known. The CJayC, I have your children essay is the funniest. The Squid, I want to have your children essay is the only one I've made, and it's a parody of the second one I mentioned.
Quote:
 
[00:09:11] Magus of the Purge: You and Kim's anniversary is the original Great Purge?
[00:09:15] Captain Vicas: Yep
[00:09:28] Magus of the Purge: No wonder your relationshup has lasted this long.
[00:09:32] Captain Vicas: Of course
[00:09:36] Magus of the Purge: it was blessed by Gheb himself
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Kinkajou
Member Avatar
I make iron women out of iron maidens

Ooo, that means Neoseekers don't know about LUEshi, the I Have Your Children essay, the Garm essay, the Flame Sheet, and the various fads (Sexy Legs, I made my ____ a ____, Head licking, and the other classics I cannot remember at this moment). *grins evilly*
"Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice."

Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
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Lady Drakonis
ha ha ha

*slaps forehead*
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