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VenomStalker; My first imperfect entry
Topic Started: Apr 30 2017, 02:27 PM (689 Views)
The Fluffy Raptor
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Supporter of Harambe
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Name of creature: Ostriotor

Height: 4 ft
Length: 10 ft
Tail length: 4 ft

Weight: 400 lb.

Base DNA: African leopard, Olive baboon, Wunderpus photogenicus, Mimic octopus, Great horned owl, Gaboon viper, Nine-banded armadillo

Abilities: Invenomate, Bite, Slash, Sharp grasp, Ambush, Camouflage, Stealth, Agility, Excellent nocturnal vision. Expandable jaw, Climb, Pneumatic bones (helps with agility). Flexible armor

Weaknesses: The Ostriotor is susceptible to dehydration, for it simply will not thrive in dry conditions and therefore must be in a humid climate, and to rehydrate itself a body of water must be nearby. It will also perish in colder climates for its ectothermic lifestyle can only do so much to keep the creatures active. When at a rather cool temperature, the beasts are often lethargic and sluggish. The Ostriotor, despite having large venom glands, only has a limited amount of venom, meaning that once it runs out, it must wait to regenerate more venom. The Ostriotor may be armored, but its belly has exposed soft skin, prone to impalement, and the armor itself isn't all that thick. The venom sacs are also prone to damage. though the skin covering is rather protective of the glands.

Defenses: The Ostriotor can flee if threatened, and can also camouflage if a much stronger predator is nearby. It also is armored, though it's a tad bit on the thin side to maintain flexibility (though it isn't easily punctured, it's not impossible for it to become impaled with brute force). It will use its fangs as a last resort if needed.

Special Attributes: The Ostriotor has exceptionally long fangs (thanks to both baboon and viper DNA) that can inject copious amounts of venom into its prey. The venom itself, like the gaboon viper is derives from, isn't deadly in small amounts; however, Ostriotors do not let go for awhile when keeping its prey/enemy still. The venom doesn't cause sudden death, but rather leaves the victim in a state of agony. Symptoms include swelling, pain, and shock. Uncontrollable spasms, defecation, urination, blisters, bruises and heart attacks are also not uncommon. Its front talons help it seize and restrain the prey. Thanks to both Wunderpus and Mimic octopus DNA, the Ostriotor can camouflage into its surroundings when hiding from predators or hunting prey. Pneumatic bones give this beast a light-build, and it also relies on stealth to hunt its prey. It also can give a powerful bite even without the venom, having sharp teeth retained from its leopard genetics. Armor covers a lot of its body, though its underside is exposed.

Description: A labrador-sized carnivore of gracile build that dons a pair of large eyes to help it see through the night. Its front talons are sharp and curved, helping them grasp their prey. Though usually grey-colored with a cream underside, it can blend into any color of the foliage its surrounded by. Large venom glands garnish its face, and it has a long pair of fangs that it can retract out when threatened or about to kill. The top tip of its mouth is tipped with a sharp beak, and the bottom jaws of the predator can expand to eat large chunks of meat (donned with many sharp teeth to deliver a nasty bite, even when dry). Its long tail helps keep the animals balanced. It dons a light but flexible coating of armor from its armadillo genes, which gives the animal an efficient suit of armor for protection, though the underside remains exposed. Its brawn can bring down an animal the size of a horse, and its venom can adversely affect a non-immune animal the size of an elephant.

LOGI Info: The Ostriotor is a very elusive and nocturnal predator that makes its homes around humid biomes, such as marshes, swamps, and rainforests, always at least half a mile from a nearby water source. It is a solitary animal, living alone. If another intruder of its species is sighted, the two individuals often fight to the death, the victors claiming whatever territory exists of its contenders. The Ostriotor targets prey up to its own size, and stalks them while in camouflage. When the timing's perfect, they ambush their clueless prey and then sink their fangs into its flesh, subduing the prey through a series of pain and misery. The front talons often help the Ostriotor restrain their target. After its prey is dead, Ostriotors rip out large chunks of flesh, which it swallows whole. Having such a large meal, it often doesn't have to eat for days on end, helping it conserve its precious venom. It often sleeps on the treetops during the day or submerged in water if conditions are too dry, basking in the sun to obtain warmth. At night, it is active, and it uses its harnessed warmth to hunt.

Other:

a very awful pic of one about to stretch
Posted Image
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Credits: 0
Monsters: Ostriotor
more coming soon
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Superdude327
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So first off let me welcome you to our little island of horrors, Fluffy. It seems we have a nice influx of new members recently.

I must say I'm really impressed with this! It's a really decent first creature, and even though it's an ambush predator who relies on venom, I can totally see this guy holding his own in a straight up fight. We need more creatures around this size tbh. I'm very excited to see your rendition of the VenomStalker
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Monsters:

Gerranous GERBIL-CHICKEN-GRIFFON/The Sun Lord
Waterunner Jesusaur
Hill Turtle Detonator
Sand Shark Tremors
Tyrager Brainirex
Madcow Mad Cow Disease
Woolly Caterpillar Murderous Rage
Skullmunkey & Skullker Starvation and Vampirism
Lesser Gerranous Dwarf
Bassius Thunder
Tadrannah Tadpole Sharks
Greater Gerranous Goliath
Cryptolepidavenator desmondiiThe Hidden Blade
Keelhead Grond
Heikani Titanshell & Dannouran Yureel Ghost in the Shell

Pet Monsters:

Barred Hawk Wolves of the Sky
Pidganha Sky Terror/Love Dove
Dermintine Blur Wolves
Mega-Gerbil Powerhouse
Roosterock Apocalypse
Shepardax Quickdraw

Acronym Monsters:

Excalibur The Sword
Mjölnir The Hammer
Gungnir The Spear
Aegis The Sheild

The Four Lords:

Zotzotherium Lord of the Sky/Zotz
Setotherium Lord of the Earth/Set
Oceaos Lord of the Water/Typhoon
Vulcanis Lord of the Fire/Surtr

Creature Concepts

Monsters:
Trontine, Turkolophus, SwordLions, Compurster & Fungorst, Snapperwhip, Creeping Death, Saber-tooth Camel, Casteroids, Endokorus, 'Dementia


Credits:
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DarkGricer
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Looking at the join date, I'm not sure sure if "new" is the right word. :P

Nevertheless, welcome to GI, Fluffy!

One thing I have to point out is that the description seems to be missing the most important part, namely what it's general body shape is.
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- Mazeer Swiftfoot Beikarahenki -
--------- Goliath Fighter ----------

----------------Posted Image----------------
---------- Thorin Kirreval ----------
------- Dragonborn Paladin -------

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--------------- Alson ---------------
--------- Oddball Wizard ---------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------- Fafnir Goldheart ---------
------- Hill Dwarf Barbarian -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
-------- Shayle Amberwood --------
------- Human Psycho Binder -------

3DS Friend code: 0447-6294-9656

Wins: 21
Loses: 13
Ties: 4

Writer of the Battle of the Maze.
Battles written: 36
Missions written: 3
Number of battles/missions featuring Tyrannotank written: 7
Number of battles/missions featuring Carnotherisaurus written: 7

Credits: 18550
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Inherited/Bought:

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Upcoming Creatures:

Legion, Vucub Caquix, Zipacna, Cabrakan, Thanatos

EEC critters:
Dragon's Den
Gigantoctopodus
Vrachotherium



Me
 
A LITTLE PAIN NEVER HURT ANYBODY!


DinoFlame
 
@DG:
Dashing through the snow~
On a broken ski~
Over the hills I go~
Smashing into trees!
Now the snow is red~
And I'm almost dead~
Now I'm in the hospital~
With stitches in my head! :rolleyes:  :P
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albinoraptor
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DarkGricer,May 1 2017
10:14 AM
One thing I have to point out is that the description seems to be missing the most important part, namely what it's general body shape is.

He's got a pic he hasn't uploaded yet, so he hasn't really gone in depth with the description.
But yeah I mean pics have gone down in the past so a better description is not a bad idea
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ChocolateSawfish
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HALP
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Welcome to GI, Fluffy, and that's a good profile even though this is just your first creature. One thing I'm wondering about, though, in the first line of the LOGI, wouldn't that be phrased as "at most half a mile from a nearby water source"? Unless I'm misinterpreting what you mean there.
The birb.


Creatures: Suchopithecus, Scorpiornis, Deinonator, Pyrocanthus,
Therizinochelys and Dracovespus, Clarovolans, Magnoterratherium,
Pilosuscansor Swarm, Titanambuloncheflos, Limosusapien, Thanatoregina, Almabrygmos,
Dasospis and Microkentreos, Kairopteryx, Atsalisaurus, Vathysaras, Ekrixitherium, Griesilithus, Florovaranus

Ecosystem Expansion Center Creatures: Duneback, Impalaroo, Marshsnapper, Slioruill, Bliiren, Diriisol, Bodrulis, Thaeralgsk, Helvuumbar, Toxic Dustspike, Crested Sandsifter
Ecosystem Expansion Center Plants: Crystallicis
Planned creatures: Gigacanthornis, Kryptoraptors, Entropysca, Coralavier (Coralippotis), Phobocumulus, Acidolphin (Oxydelphine), Lapspivenator, Tefrasaurus, Immolomite (Thysiamiton), Icthyosuchus, Gyalidracos, Dosikele, Anchorspruce (Ankyrapicea), Borealocanthus, Solornis and Lunacerta
Planned Ecosystem Expansion Center Creatures: Bubbit, Noctix, Froodaspitas, Gleaner, Amethyst Martin, Diamond Eagle, Pluddon, Spunglug, Erebosaurus, Skyswimmer, Flitters
Planned Ecosystem Expansion Center Plants: Tendrilfern, Marsh Pine, Harpgrass, Skyseed
Credits: 26975

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Battles I am writing: Swinex vs Chelonosuchus (river through a savannah).

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Ok, so with my iBrain's battery recharged, I am ready for some sciencing.


John Lanchester
 
I'm sure that there is going to be some hybridisation between the two forms: a new beast, slouching towards us. I'm eagerly looking forward to meeting the beautiful mutant.


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The Fluffy Raptor
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ChocolateSawfish,May 1 2017
12:24 PM
Welcome to GI, Fluffy, and that's a good profile even though this is just your first creature. One thing I'm wondering about, though, in the first line of the LOGI, wouldn't that be phrased as "at most half a mile from a nearby water source"? Unless I'm misinterpreting what you mean there.

They don't stray from the water sources they frequent basically :)
Posted Image
Credits: 0
Monsters: Ostriotor
more coming soon
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ChocolateSawfish
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Yes, that's what it sounded like from your description. It's just that "at least", to me, makes it sound like it's trying to stay further away from the water sources. That could might just be my interpretation, though.
The birb.


Creatures: Suchopithecus, Scorpiornis, Deinonator, Pyrocanthus,
Therizinochelys and Dracovespus, Clarovolans, Magnoterratherium,
Pilosuscansor Swarm, Titanambuloncheflos, Limosusapien, Thanatoregina, Almabrygmos,
Dasospis and Microkentreos, Kairopteryx, Atsalisaurus, Vathysaras, Ekrixitherium, Griesilithus, Florovaranus

Ecosystem Expansion Center Creatures: Duneback, Impalaroo, Marshsnapper, Slioruill, Bliiren, Diriisol, Bodrulis, Thaeralgsk, Helvuumbar, Toxic Dustspike, Crested Sandsifter
Ecosystem Expansion Center Plants: Crystallicis
Planned creatures: Gigacanthornis, Kryptoraptors, Entropysca, Coralavier (Coralippotis), Phobocumulus, Acidolphin (Oxydelphine), Lapspivenator, Tefrasaurus, Immolomite (Thysiamiton), Icthyosuchus, Gyalidracos, Dosikele, Anchorspruce (Ankyrapicea), Borealocanthus, Solornis and Lunacerta
Planned Ecosystem Expansion Center Creatures: Bubbit, Noctix, Froodaspitas, Gleaner, Amethyst Martin, Diamond Eagle, Pluddon, Spunglug, Erebosaurus, Skyswimmer, Flitters
Planned Ecosystem Expansion Center Plants: Tendrilfern, Marsh Pine, Harpgrass, Skyseed
Credits: 26975

My art shop.

Battles I am writing: Swinex vs Chelonosuchus (river through a savannah).

Captain Gricer
 
Ok, so with my iBrain's battery recharged, I am ready for some sciencing.


John Lanchester
 
I'm sure that there is going to be some hybridisation between the two forms: a new beast, slouching towards us. I'm eagerly looking forward to meeting the beautiful mutant.


Quote:
 
Farewell... Solenya.


Mind your own misery business loves company.

Give me your Douze Points!
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The Fluffy Raptor
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Added the picture. :P
Posted Image
Credits: 0
Monsters: Ostriotor
more coming soon
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Legalosaurus
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Welcome to GI Fluffy Raptor! Always glad to welcome another member, especially one with such great creature ideas. The picture is very cool, and overall this looks like it will be a great addition to GI.

I do believe CS is correct. If you wanted them to stay closer to their water source it should read "at most half a mile...". Otherwise you're saying they avoid the water source by half a mile or more.

One other small note, tiny thing here, but I would add its armor to the Defenses section, and perhaps give a reference as to how strong it is. I know later you mention armadillo armor, and armadillo DNA is present so it would be easy to assume, but I know personally that you lose nothing by adding more detail to a profile. And it'll be a good reference for battle writers when they are balancing your creature against an opponent.
Most people inexplicably call me A-pat...

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Losses-8
Ties-1

Mission Wins-0
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Ties-0

Battles Written: 16
Missions Written: 2

Credits- 2.900

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Battles I'm Somewhere in the Process of Writing
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DarkGricer
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Alright, sciencing time.

I would like to start of by saying that the heigh/length ratio doesn't match the picture. This isn't the biggest problem, given that a lot of creatures have such skewed ratios in their profile. But nonetheless, it should still be avoided. By my measuring, and accounting for the extra length the tail would have when stretched, its height should be about 35% of its length. So in the case of a 5 foot long Venomstalker, it would be about 1.7 feet tall. Or alternatively if the 3 feet height is accurate, it would end up at around 8.6 feet long.

Now for weight. Based of the length, it appears to be pretty heavy, as a 5 foot long none-banded armadillo would only reach about 40 lbs. On the other hand, if the height is accurate and it's 8.6 feet long, it would weigh about 200 lbs.

Last thing I want to mention, this isn't so much about rules or accuracy, but the Venomstalker is in a terrible size tier to be a single creature. Almost every other creature is either way bigger than it, or are in a pack/swarm. Given that this is your first and only free monster, I would recommend either turning it into a pack, or making it bigger. Either one would allow it to fight significantly more monsters. And if you were to choose size, it wouldn't even need to be much bigger, given the recent influx of single monsters around the 10 foot area. But the way it is now, you'll have a pretty hard time finding even just one good matchup for it. Trust me, as someone who made a first monster that didn't have a lot of good matchups either, it's not somethings you really want to happen.

(Then again, Juv. Cyprectus was bad because it was bad, not because it was in a bad size tier)
Proud player of:

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
- Mazeer Swiftfoot Beikarahenki -
--------- Goliath Fighter ----------

----------------Posted Image----------------
---------- Thorin Kirreval ----------
------- Dragonborn Paladin -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------------- Alson ---------------
--------- Oddball Wizard ---------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------- Fafnir Goldheart ---------
------- Hill Dwarf Barbarian -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
-------- Shayle Amberwood --------
------- Human Psycho Binder -------

3DS Friend code: 0447-6294-9656

Wins: 21
Loses: 13
Ties: 4

Writer of the Battle of the Maze.
Battles written: 36
Missions written: 3
Number of battles/missions featuring Tyrannotank written: 7
Number of battles/missions featuring Carnotherisaurus written: 7

Credits: 18550
Creature Coupons: 0

Creatures:

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted Image

Inherited/Bought:

Posted Image

Upcoming Creatures:

Legion, Vucub Caquix, Zipacna, Cabrakan, Thanatos

EEC critters:
Dragon's Den
Gigantoctopodus
Vrachotherium



Me
 
A LITTLE PAIN NEVER HURT ANYBODY!


DinoFlame
 
@DG:
Dashing through the snow~
On a broken ski~
Over the hills I go~
Smashing into trees!
Now the snow is red~
And I'm almost dead~
Now I'm in the hospital~
With stitches in my head! :rolleyes:  :P
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The Fluffy Raptor
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DarkGricer,May 2 2017
02:25 PM
Alright, sciencing time.

I would like to start of by saying that the heigh/length ratio doesn't match the picture. This isn't the biggest problem, given that a lot of creatures have such skewed ratios in their profile. But nonetheless, it should still be avoided. By my measuring, and accounting for the extra length the tail would have when stretched, its height should be about 35% of its length. So in the case of a 5 foot long Venomstalker, it would be about 1.7 feet tall. Or alternatively if the 3 feet height is accurate, it would end up at around 8.6 feet long.

I want to politely note that I've based the VenomStalker's measurements off of an average African leopard.

However, I did make it a social animal now :P
Posted Image
Credits: 0
Monsters: Ostriotor
more coming soon
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DarkGricer
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That's Captain Gricer to you, lad!
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Those measurments likely did not account for the leopard's tail. :P

Also, you'll have to note how many members are in the pack.
Proud player of:

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
- Mazeer Swiftfoot Beikarahenki -
--------- Goliath Fighter ----------

----------------Posted Image----------------
---------- Thorin Kirreval ----------
------- Dragonborn Paladin -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------------- Alson ---------------
--------- Oddball Wizard ---------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------- Fafnir Goldheart ---------
------- Hill Dwarf Barbarian -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
-------- Shayle Amberwood --------
------- Human Psycho Binder -------

3DS Friend code: 0447-6294-9656

Wins: 21
Loses: 13
Ties: 4

Writer of the Battle of the Maze.
Battles written: 36
Missions written: 3
Number of battles/missions featuring Tyrannotank written: 7
Number of battles/missions featuring Carnotherisaurus written: 7

Credits: 18550
Creature Coupons: 0

Creatures:

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted Image

Inherited/Bought:

Posted Image

Upcoming Creatures:

Legion, Vucub Caquix, Zipacna, Cabrakan, Thanatos

EEC critters:
Dragon's Den
Gigantoctopodus
Vrachotherium



Me
 
A LITTLE PAIN NEVER HURT ANYBODY!


DinoFlame
 
@DG:
Dashing through the snow~
On a broken ski~
Over the hills I go~
Smashing into trees!
Now the snow is red~
And I'm almost dead~
Now I'm in the hospital~
With stitches in my head! :rolleyes:  :P
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The Fluffy Raptor
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[ *  *  * ]
DarkGricer,May 2 2017
06:04 PM
Those measurments likely did not account for the leopard's tail. :P

Also, you'll have to note how many members are in the pack.

Not a problem! :)

Changed it up a bit more, hopefully it's all cool now :)
Posted Image
Credits: 0
Monsters: Ostriotor
more coming soon
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DarkGricer
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That's Captain Gricer to you, lad!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Generally, tail length has to be added to the profile (As was the case with Mega Gerbil). For my estimate of how long it would be in total including the tail (Based of the picture), well, see my previous post. :P

Also, it'd still need some added weight, Something like 140-180 lbs should be good.
Proud player of:

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
- Mazeer Swiftfoot Beikarahenki -
--------- Goliath Fighter ----------

----------------Posted Image----------------
---------- Thorin Kirreval ----------
------- Dragonborn Paladin -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------------- Alson ---------------
--------- Oddball Wizard ---------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
--------- Fafnir Goldheart ---------
------- Hill Dwarf Barbarian -------

-----------------Posted Image-----------------
-------- Shayle Amberwood --------
------- Human Psycho Binder -------

3DS Friend code: 0447-6294-9656

Wins: 21
Loses: 13
Ties: 4

Writer of the Battle of the Maze.
Battles written: 36
Missions written: 3
Number of battles/missions featuring Tyrannotank written: 7
Number of battles/missions featuring Carnotherisaurus written: 7

Credits: 18550
Creature Coupons: 0

Creatures:

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Posted ImagePosted Image

Inherited/Bought:

Posted Image

Upcoming Creatures:

Legion, Vucub Caquix, Zipacna, Cabrakan, Thanatos

EEC critters:
Dragon's Den
Gigantoctopodus
Vrachotherium



Me
 
A LITTLE PAIN NEVER HURT ANYBODY!


DinoFlame
 
@DG:
Dashing through the snow~
On a broken ski~
Over the hills I go~
Smashing into trees!
Now the snow is red~
And I'm almost dead~
Now I'm in the hospital~
With stitches in my head! :rolleyes:  :P
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Superdude327
Member Avatar
I roll to insult!
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Yeah, MG was screwed over with that. Had I made him like a big ol' bear it would've been fine, but because of the useless tail on his arse he couldn't be a pack. Poor guy.
Curious as the Chicken
Superdude, big brother to Happyred

Duk A weird duck called Duk.
Lewis My angry British voice.

Monsters:

Gerranous GERBIL-CHICKEN-GRIFFON/The Sun Lord
Waterunner Jesusaur
Hill Turtle Detonator
Sand Shark Tremors
Tyrager Brainirex
Madcow Mad Cow Disease
Woolly Caterpillar Murderous Rage
Skullmunkey & Skullker Starvation and Vampirism
Lesser Gerranous Dwarf
Bassius Thunder
Tadrannah Tadpole Sharks
Greater Gerranous Goliath
Cryptolepidavenator desmondiiThe Hidden Blade
Keelhead Grond
Heikani Titanshell & Dannouran Yureel Ghost in the Shell

Pet Monsters:

Barred Hawk Wolves of the Sky
Pidganha Sky Terror/Love Dove
Dermintine Blur Wolves
Mega-Gerbil Powerhouse
Roosterock Apocalypse
Shepardax Quickdraw

Acronym Monsters:

Excalibur The Sword
Mjölnir The Hammer
Gungnir The Spear
Aegis The Sheild

The Four Lords:

Zotzotherium Lord of the Sky/Zotz
Setotherium Lord of the Earth/Set
Oceaos Lord of the Water/Typhoon
Vulcanis Lord of the Fire/Surtr

Creature Concepts

Monsters:
Trontine, Turkolophus, SwordLions, Compurster & Fungorst, Snapperwhip, Creeping Death, Saber-tooth Camel, Casteroids, Endokorus, 'Dementia


Credits:
7,900
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