THE HOLE IN THE WALL PART 1.5

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THE HOLE IN THE WALL PART 1.5
Topic Started: Aug 26 2009, 11:54 AM (31 Views)
King Crimson	Aug 26 2009, 11:54 AM Post #1
Advanced Member Posts: 317 Group: Admin Member #10 Joined: February 27, 2009	The Hole in the Wall Part One and a Half Local news style credits. Lights on in News Room with music continuing. As topics are stated snippets of interviews etc. flash up. Neil: Hello. I’m Neil Lighthouse- Moira: And I’m Moira Booksworth. Neil: Welcome to BBC Wrentham. Tonight on your local news; why are the youths of today being taught to get back in tune with society?- Moira: How one mum is taking action against intolerance in the community-? Neil: A very special sports review with the winner of our County-wide Sportsmanship Competition- Moira: And a journey into J.R. Tolkien’s Middle Earth right here in your area! Neil: So all that’s to come in the next half hour. Now when you think of youths today you probably think of the violence and yobbish behaviour often associated with the predominately American culture of gangster rap music, but not necessarily the peaceful and serene elements of good old British folk. Moira: Perhaps that’s why some viewers may not have expected the teenagers of Shropsmere-Upon-Tyne to have swapped their urban machetes and AK-47 rifles for the more harmless acoustic guitar, but thanks to one local man that’s exactly what’s happened. Here’s Jenny Priestly with the next generation of Wrentham musicians. Cut to video montage of kids being taught guitar by Pete, a trampy looking, 40-ish man with long black hair and Rolling Stones T-shirt. The song “The Kids are Alright”, by The Who, is playing in the background. Jenny: (Voice Only) Today’s kids may have been getting a bad press but according to Peter Bole all they really need is a teacher in the way of Rock and Roll. Much like Jack Black in the movie School of Rock, Pete has taken on 16 youngsters as his prodigies; the only difference is that each and every one has an ASBO! Stop music and cut to Pete being interviewed. Jenny: So Pete, what exactly made you want to help thee young people? Pete: Well I used to work at a high school around here as music teacher, and- Jenny: Haha! Oh, sorry, Pete, it’s just that our reporter said you used to be in some grotty little cleaning job there! Imagine that, eh? Pete: (Nervously) Well, yeah, anyway…. I just couldn’t see them, you know, like, fall into the trap of going nowhere in life- Jenny: Yeah, otherwise they might all end up lavatory attendants at their nearest high school, eh Pete? Pete: Uh, yeah… You know, I always thought that without people to clean up and keep stuff tidy we’d all be in trouble, you know? So anyway, I’m teaching them in the ways of ROCK AND ROLL!, aren’t I, guys? Kids: (Mumbling) Yeah…. Jenny: Well I’m sure they’re all enjoying it, (to Gavin) including you, eh? What’s your name, then? Gavin: (In a smug, drawling voice) Dunno. Jenny: Well, (finger quotes) “Dunno”, what do you think of Pete’s lessons? Gavin: Dunno… Bit shite, really. Jenny: Um, well it’s a good thing not everyone thinks they’re as bad- Gavin: (Out of View) Fucking shite- Jenny: As “Dunno” does, because it seems that the project has struck a chord with even Town Mayor Jonathan Ibsing! Cut to interview of the obese Mayor sitting in a plush armchair, occasionally slurping from a mug of coffee. Beside him stands his aide, Roger. Jenny is behind the camera. Jenny: (OOV) So do you as a council member think it’s a good thing that these young people are being taught an alternative to life on the streets? Ibsing: Yes, of course I do, don’t I Roger? Roger: Mmm. Ibsing: I think that in taking these kids who have nowhere to go, no hope and only a future of drug dens and alcohol, and then getting them involved with the music industry, is a perfectly sensible decision. Jenny: Don’t you find it bit ironic that something as rebellious as rock is being used to try and sedate the younger generation? Ibsing: Not at all! Back in my day I was a bit of a punk, and look at me now! Roger: (In absolute motionless monotone) He is a model of society for tomorrow. Ibsing: Why, thank you, Roger! What a kind and spontaneous thing to say! Roger: You are welcome, as both my boss and (like broken machine) frie-frie-frie-friend. Jenny: So what was it then, sir, a bit of the Clash? The Pistols? Ibsing: Oh, I was always more into the MC5 and the American scene, really. You know, “Kick out the Jams, Mother F***er” and all that! Great stuff... Back to video montage and the Who song. Jenny: (Voice Only) So with even the Mayor getting into the groove, this is Jenny Priestly reporting from Fletcher’s High School, Shropsmere. Last few seconds of report are the kids and Pete hitting their instruments aggressively, whilst singing… Pete and Kids: And she’s buying a stairway to heaven!!!! Fade out and return to News Room. Moira: Thank you, Jenny, and we’d just like to apologise for some of the language used in that last report. If you can cast your minds back to last years “Battle for the Flats” series on BBC Wrentham, you might remember us following determined mother and resident Laura Timbales as she fought for the survival of her home. After organising an event to save the apartment block and rallying her neighbours she managed to even win over the council. Neil: Sadly, despite this reprieve, the flats were later seriously damaged in a terrorist attack by the Irish National Citizen’s Army. However, even in her new house a mere three streets away, Laura is still fighting for her community and the rights of older people in this day and age. Phillip Turnstile is “On The Case”. The sequence for the “On the Case” segment flashes up, with lots of garish colours and footage of Phil making serious faces at the camera (that in fact look almost constipated). Cross-fade to Phil walking slowly down the street, whilst talking. Phil: For some of us, life is easy; the jobless can sponge off those with jobs, those with tourettes can shout obscenities whenever they want in public. But for a hardworking British mother of six, the work is never done. When Laura Timbales moved in here, she expected to find a close-nit street with family values; what she actually found was far more menacing. Cut to Laura being interviewed against a black background, occasionally cutting to Phil nodding at everything she says. Laura: Well at first it was fine. We never really spoke to the neighbours much until they came around one morning. They were two students and they both lived in the same house. They said they were just friends but I didn’t believe it. Puffs. They said they didn’t want to disturb me and that they didn’t want trouble, but that my kids had been keeping them up all night with noise. Now I’m a proper mum, me; I use Persil and I go to Iceland for their dinner. They’d been outside for a play and apparently they’d got into next door’s garden and smashed a window or two. They’re only kids! So that was it, I did what any good mum would have done… Phil: (OOV) And what was that? Laura: I slapped ‘em one, didn’t I? Slip of a lad like that telling me what to do! I’d only had two kids when I was their age! Phil: But it wasn’t just you they’d upset, was it? Laura: No! They’d told the old couple on their other side to turn down their music after 3 AM. Bought them around some “Peacekeeping” biscuits and everything! Cheeky swines! Cut to a Point of View sequence of walking down the drive towards the old couples house, over which Phil narrates. Phil: (Voice Only) But the biscuits were biscuits of fear, as Mr James and his wife were to find out. Sequence ends as Mrs James opens the door and screams. Cut to the old couple being interviewed. Phil: (OOV) So you became victims of the students? Mrs James: Of course! A year ago we had a Woolworths, a tobacconists and a pornographic warehouse! Now that they’ve come round here, heightening the tone of the neighbourhood, you can’t move for Coffee Shops and Waterstone’s! Phil: And they didn’t try and compensate you at all? Mrs James: Oo, yes! They gave us these biscuits! Absolutely foul, they were! Mr James: Not as bad as my oatcakes, though, apparently… Mrs James: Oh, shut up, Sid! (To camera) I’m just glad he gives himself bigger portions because his cooking makes me sick! Mr James: Balls, does it! And I always give you bigger portions! Mrs James: This is what he’s like, viewers! And he hits me! Mr James: (Shocked) No I don’t! How can you- Mrs James: Yes you do! He says he trying to hold my hand, but he’s into to all that Jujitsu and stuff! He takes lessons and everything! Eh, and that’s my TV Weekly! Give that back you- Camera stays on couple as they Tug Of War the magazine as Phil speaks over, until eventually the image becomes grey and freezes. Phil: They say they need time to revise and that their litter picking and library services are good for the town, but how can they live with themselves after making- Freeze. Phil: A community divided? Fade back to News Room. Neil: And if you too want to make a stand against intellectual bullying you can join Laura’s petition at www-dot “ASBO Not Undergraduate” dot-com. Talking of websites you can also log onto ours, flashing across the bottom of the screen now. We have all the information on yesterday’s topics including our special “Search for Sophie” campaign, so if you think you’ve seen Sophie Reddingford please drop us or the Missing Children Foundtion a line. Moira: You might remember yesterday we also asked you for your views on the music festival at Rowley Country Park headlined by Hawkwind which is seen by some as yet another nuisance for older people in the area. Neil: Well, here are some of your replies. Ronald from Ipsminster says that “Older people are all deaf, blind and dumb anyway”, whilst Edward from Coalgate asks “Why can some granny get a Stannah Stair-lift but I can’t get my Silver Machine?” Moira: And this message from Neil Lighthouse says “Moira would you…. Do me the honour of…. being my…” (To Neil) Oh my god, this is from you, isn’t it? Neil: (Getting onto one knee) Would you, my dearest? Moira: Urgh! Moira gets up and walks away in disgust, mumbling something suspiciously like “Dirty old bastard”. Neil sits gingerly back down and is silent for a few awkward seconds. He wipes his brow- Neil: Next up we have… I’m sorry, just…. Sniff... OK, just a second… Sigh…. Coming up next is the Sports Review as given by Graham Rocket and the special winner of this years award for Sportsmanship, Terry Fallow… Oh God, I… (Getting up and running off set) Moira! Cut to the sports opening sequence. Cut from this to the sports room, with two sofas. On one is Graham and on the other Terry. Graham: Hello, sports fans and welcome to another wonderful day in British sports! In football Harry Dimsdale of Fullcrest Rovers delivers another smashing goal against Portsmouth whilst Cricketer Andrew Morlock helps Asbury Wanderers win another game against Sheffield Harlequins. But this isn’t just another Sports section, oh no, because with us today is BBC Wrentham’s Sportsman 2009, Terry Fallows! In studio audience clap and whoop as Terry takes a bow and sits down again. Graham: So Terry, you helped bring your amateur American Football team into the league this year, is that right? Terry: Oh yes! Golspurth All Whites all the way! Of course, God was on our side! Graham: Now, now, Terry, don’t be modest! God didn’t bring that last Tri home against Bloomsbury, now, did he? Terry: Now, Graham, that was down to good strong Nordic breeding and a no tolerance policy all round! Graham: No tolerance? Terry: Yessirree! “No blacks, no paks, just quarter-backs”, that’s my motto! Any coon wants to join our team he’d better want to be the ball! Graham: (Leaning over and whispering) Look, Terry you… you can’t say that… Terry: (Shouting) Can’t say what! Graham: (Panicking) Calm down, calm down! Look, what did you think of the Wanderers, this week? Terry: Wanderers! I can see why they call them that and all; fucking gypos the lot of them! And there’s a half-caste! Filthy little niggers! (Getting to his feet) They’re killing this country! Killing it dead! Graham: Security! Help! Security! Security garb Terry and try to drag him out whilst he continues screaming. Terry: And those Jews! They killed Jesus! Haven’t you seen Mel Gibson! Get your hands off me! I didn’t fight in the war to let them all over the shop! Hands off me! Terry is finally dragged out and Graham tries to apologies as quickly as possible. Graham: (To camera) Look, I’m sorry for any offence, please don’t- Terry: (OOV) Fucking fuckers! You can go suck my fucking balls! Jewish cunts! Argh! Murderers (Getting fainter to stop as he is pulled out of building) Kiss my fucking ass! I’ll get the Grand Cyclops on all of you! All of you……… Graham: Well that’s… I’m so sorry, he just…. Here’s the weather with Carlos…. Cut to BBC Weather intro sequence. Cut from this to the typical weather-board set with Carlos standing in front. He is an atypical Spanish person and is wearing a codpiece that he occasionally thrusts towards the camera. His voice is breathless and he sounds like he should be in a particularly bad porn movie. Carlos: Hello viewers, and welcome to another sexy weather report with Mr Sexy Sex himself, Carlos Havolottos. Are you getting wet down south? Well you should be because a rain system is moving your way, and any way, you’re looking at me, Carlos. Mmmm, sexy Carlos, yeah! If you’re hot in Wales then the 25 degree heat-wave must still be on top of you, thrusting its sexy sexy UV all over your body! If you suffer from hay fever then be careful out doors; you know you only want my pollen up your nose! Mmm, yes! Abraxas, amigo, you turning Carlos on! And at today’s climax, temperatures will drop to 15 degrees. I guess we’ll have to huddle together for sexy sexy warmth. Mmmm, yes! Back to the studio…. Oo, sexy! Fade back to studio. Bobby, the replacement newsreader is filling in, talking perfectly normally whilst Neil, who has hung himself, swings ominously behind him. He is wearing cameraman clothes, with the words “Sound Manager” across his shirt. Moira is sitting with him, again perfectly normally. Throughout the scene techies try and take Neil down, eventually succeeding and carrying him off. Bobby: Now for our final story before we switch over to the national news. Moira: When you think of J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings”, you probably think of its connections with rural places like Derbyshire and Lancashire- Bobby: Or New Zealand! I’ve been there, you know…. Moira: Yes, Bobby. You may therefore be surprised that one man maybe not so far from you has actually recreated his own piece of Sam and Frodo’s Shire in his own home. Here’s Robin Villa to find out a bit more about Wrentham’s very own Lord of the Rings! Cut to Aragorn Fairway’s house, where the owner is being interviewed by Robin Villa the reporter. The home is an exact replica of Bag End from the book, except for various Star Trek posters haphazardly adorning the walls and a blow up doll that looks remarkably Arwen-esque in the corner. The word “Live” bleeps about at the bottom of the screen. Robin: Thank you, Moira; I am of course here with the remarkable Mr Fairway of One Rothsman Street- Aragorn: (Heavily lisping) Bag End! Robin: Haha, yes, of course! And tell me, you had your name changed last week, didn’t you? Aragorn: Yeth, my name ith Aragorn! Robin: Well it certainly makes a change from your first name, doesn’t it- Aragorn: Don’th you dareth! You’ll curth us all! Robin: Yes, quite… Well, tell us all about your home! It’s just like the Shire isn’t it? Aragorn: It ith the Shire! We’re living inth the Shire! Robin: Yes, well, I- A hurried knock at the door; A cameraman goes to open it and in come the police. Policeman: Mr Fairway? I’m here to arrest you under suspicion of the kidnap and imprisonment of Sophie Reddingford. Search the house, boys, she’s here somewhere. Two officer start searching whilst another tries to handcuff a struggling Aragorn Fairway. Robin leans in toward the camera and speaks quickly. Robin: Well here we have it, folks, a BBC Wrentham exclusive on the Reddingford case! Is this sad, lonely singleton guilty of abduction? This reporter says yes! The officers come back, carrying a toddler dressed in elf clothes and clipped to furry handcuffs on one arm. She looks traumatised. PC: We’ve got her, chief! Robin: Breaking news! The sicko who took Sophie Reddingford has been exposed! Mr Aragorn Fairway of Number One Bag End has- Aragorn: Stop! Aragorn has struggled out of handcuffs, grabbed the policeman responsible for his capture and is brandishing a vintage pistol in one hand and both detaining a policeman and holding something kin to a DIY explosive in the other. He drops all lisping and now has a strong Irish accent. Aragorn: I wouldn’t fuck about if I was you, Officer, or I’ll blow us all to hell, so I will. Unless you’re Catholic, o’ course… Silence for a few seconds. Suddenly a PC rushes out from behind the maniac- PC: Got you, you- The camera rolls this way and that and ultimately only shows the floor and blurs of chaos. Gunshots are heard and then a huge explosion. The screen goes dead and freezes whilst the sound just picks up random static. Cut back to studio. Moira: Robin! Robin can you here us? Robin? Hello. Slowly fade out over Moira’s pleas until black. Suddenly, loud, happy trumpet music starts playing and the studio springs back to life, with a shocked Moira and Bobby looking on in disbelief as first Neil and then all of the police and Aragorn walk into the studio, laughing. Neil: Ho-ho-ho! Happy August the 8th, Moira! Moira: What the hell! Neil: BBC Wrentham and Clinton Cards would like to bring you a wonderful new day to your calendar to celebrate the fun and laughter of good old fashioned British humour; all part of David Cameron’s plan to reintroduce old fashioned values to today’s society! Moira: YOU STUPID CUNT! How the hell do you think Sophie’s family feels right now?! Neil: Oh, she’ll turn up somewhere- Moira: And the people who lost their homes in last year’s bombing? And who the hell is this Aragorn guy? Neil: Oh, he’s not for real! We just used the identity of a local nutcase who died last month of a heart attack and no one ever noticed! Hahahaha! This is in your memory, Aragorn! Hahahaha! Moira: (Storming off) You make me fucking sick…! Everyone waves and “Aragorn” pulls off his to reveal Ronnie Corbett’s face underneath. Neil: See, it was just Ronnie Corbett in a mask all the time! Hahahaha! Join us tomorrow, viewers for another- Hahahaha! Another great show! Goodbye! Camera pulls out and credits roll until the BBC Wrentham logo shows up. This then cut to a Public Awareness screen. BBC Announcer: That program was shown in Memory of Aragorn Fairway. May God rest his nutty soul. THE END.



Thyunda	Aug 26 2009, 07:56 PM Post #2
Administrator Posts: 711 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: April 20, 2008	I take it we're making THITW a miniseries, then? Well, let's get the cameras, and let's get rehearsing.



King Crimson	Aug 27 2009, 02:28 PM Post #3
Advanced Member Posts: 317 Group: Admin Member #10 Joined: February 27, 2009	Well to be honest I just did it to waste time, Con. You think we could do a mini-series? Don't get me wrong, if you wanna give it a go I'll roll with it!



Thyunda	Sep 5 2009, 01:36 PM Post #4
Administrator Posts: 711 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: April 20, 2008	It sounds like something we could really get into. I still have my video camera, basic editing software and, if you supply me with memory sticks, I'll be able to create an archive. But first, do we want to start filming with this script, or do we create a film version of the play, The Hole In The Wall? I ask because people who weren't present at the performance of the aforementioned play may not understand the concept of the series, and would probably lose interest rather quickly. But, of course, we have issues regarding the script. Or rather, the lack of a script. As far as I'm aware, we never salvaged the original scripts, and they're probably gathering dust backstage right now. So, do we know enough of the original to rewrite the script? I can remember the general idea of Terry's scene. And of course, actors. Can we convince our dear Master Woolliscroft to return? Or shall we start the whole series again from scratch, reshooting The Hole In The Wall with new actors to replace those who may not return?



King Crimson	Sep 5 2009, 06:20 PM Post #5
Advanced Member Posts: 317 Group: Admin Member #10 Joined: February 27, 2009	Well I think if we did it doing anything but chronological order would be ridiculous. To be honest I would have to plump for doing something different and just shooting a performance of the play, sheerly because Hole in the Wall would never stand up as anything but a stage performance. I deliberately did that last one to be audio friendly, but again, a play would be advisable, with the onscreen stuff filmed live and edited inor something.... If we did that we could hire out the hall of that little place on the way to Newcastle. I believe it's some kind of church that doubles as a theatrical stage (youth centre?), but it has a big sign saying that it's rentable... I think given Woolley's fuck-up last time and us being on a shorter time scale to shoot (rent an hour and cut from that) he's far from essential, even though he is the only person doing Drama at A level from the original PA. I'd like to re-cast people so that we have a part each or something, just to make it flow better and to save time. I think Loz and us (obviously) should do the same main roles, maybe some people you know and some of my friends in the smaller roles and that should do. By the way, is it just me or should Paranoid Android go the way of Raven McWeasel's Anti-Worm Patrol and just be left to rest in peace? Woolley left, Robin won't do anything, the style has changed so much that it isn't like those presentations it began as and let's face it, it has been dead a while. Plus, as you said on the timescale thread, PA technically was me most of the time, and a) I've changed since then (as has everyone) and b) I'd rather this be like The Hole In The Wall was; a genuine group effort. Any suggestions for a new name? Edited by King Crimson, Sep 5 2009, 08:52 PM.


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