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nursing ruining a marriage??
Topic Started: Jun 25 2006, 05:23 PM (285 Views)
zuncompany
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http://www.shmuley.com/articles.php?id=277

this article by smuley boteach really upset me! That on top of his website he has american's rabbi and than write such things really pissed me off!

Personally I believe that if this is the issue that ruins the marriage there really is more going on there and nursing is the excuse. But to call himself america's rabbi and than say that nursing is causing problems in marriage bothers me more. Judaism so much supports nursing.
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realgood
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aishes chayil
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WOAH!!!!

Pretty upsetting. a bootlefed baby and breastfed baby take away time from anything..theres more to it than just nursing.

I agree with this comment posted:

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If breast feeding baby appears to be adversely affecting a marriage, THERE IS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE WRONG. The demands of any baby on its mother's attention would drive an immature self centered husband away. There is also always the possibility that baby is being used as an excuse.... by either spouse, protestations of being 'madly in love' notwithstanding. So, Rabbi, sounds like you've got a personal problem....get some help.


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DesignMommy
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I am absolutely livid after reading that. That is just ridiculous and uneducated and simply wrong. The comments were right on, though.
Realgood- I totally agree with that one too.
That Rabbi is a complete bushah. :ouch
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zuncompany
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what upsets me even more- I post on a board for mom's with kids Zu and Tev's age (okay, I run it! lol) which is made up with all kinds of women. Besides one other poster I am the only other jewish person. And they see this is written by a "Rabbi." It really upsets me!
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Karapooz
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Where can you post and read comments? I'll give that guy a punch in the nose!
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realeez
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Brain Freeze
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right under his name (under the title) it says 63 comments click there to see them.

that is a crazy article!!!! i'm glad so many ppl gave it to him!
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ScrappingMom
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Jewish Housewife
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This guy is plain and simply NUTS!!!!! It reminds me of the Penn and Teller Circ show he did. :ouch
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Zeesachaya
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Rebbetzin
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:crazy Ugh - o.k. I truly am done with him now. I was so excited when his show came out and set up the dvr to record. I should have previewed it a bit first. Good grief it was a lesbian couple acting as "Mom and Dad" - we turned it off immediately. So, I didn't watch any more of his shows and now with his wacky comments regarding nursing breaking up a marriage??? :huh :huh :huh
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Karapooz
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Did anyone from here post a comment?
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ICan
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Where am I?
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He's right, nursing can get in the way of a marriage, but so can pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing. So maybe we should all stop pro-creating to 'preserve our marriages.'

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Its Me
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Bala Buste
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didnt read the article, but I know of ppl whose hormones are wackier while nursing than while pg, so that can get in the way big time!
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U Tarzan Me Jane
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Rebbetzin
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babies take TIME. if You are mature enough to have a baby, then you are mature enough to realize that your relationship with your spouse will change, its up to a husband and wife to stay connected even when things change!
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realgood
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U Tarzan Me Jane
Jun 26 2006, 11:31 AM
babies take TIME. if You are mature enough to have a baby, then you are mature enough to realize that your relationship with your spouse will change, its up to a husband and wife to stay connected even when things change!

:nod :nod agreed
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aaa
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This man's arguments are completely specious. While I have never been a proponent of "breast-feed-exclusively-even-if-it-completely-takes-over-your-existence", he is taking the facts of life after having a baby and assuming that all the changes are caused by breastfeeding--as if life with a bottle-fed infant is all moonlight and roses and Johnson's baby-powder commercials.

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a young couple who were madly in love but after having a baby they saw their love life terminate completely and utterly.

Highly unlikely that breastfeeding alone was to blame. "Madly in love" is not a good basis for marriage and doesn't usually last long, even if the couple has no children. Having an infant introduces many stressful changes to the family dynamic, and previously invisible hairline cracks in the relationship become more prominent. "Everything was great until the baby came" is not an uncommon complaint at all--regardless of the infant's feeding status.

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Even Harvard University published a study years ago which found that in the first year after a child is born a couple’s love life would decreases by about 74%.

after a child is born. It doesn't say anything about the effect of breastfeeding. Of course love life decreases. A postpartum woman is a postpartum woman no matter how she feeds her baby--and breastfeeding actually accelerates postpartum recovery by stimulating uterine contractions and enabling the uterus to return to its prepregnant size.

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In this particular case, the mother nursed the baby well into his 11 month

not at all an unreasonable span of time

and
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because the baby was always attached to the mother’s hip it gradually alienated the husband.


a mother can be overly attached to baby even if she does not breastfeed. blame the obsessive mother's personality, not the nursing. you don't have to wear your baby 24/7 just because you are nursing--and you can refuse to let go of the baby for an instant even if you bottlefeed.

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One is the de-eroticization of a woman’s body, as in her husbands eyes one of the most attractive parts of her body becomes, in effect, a cafeteria,


Mom does not have to allow dad to watch her nursing. And for every man who finds it a turnoff there is doubtless another who finds it quite the opposite.

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second it often means that a husband and wife can’t even sleep in the bed because the baby is either in the bed or the baby cries and takes all the mother’s attention.


first of all, nursing does not necessarily mean co-sleeping. and, hello? Doesn't this man have children? doesn't he know infants have to be fed in the middle of the night whether by breast or by bottle or by washcloth dipped in milk? does he imagine that bottle-fed babies need to be fed only during the daylight hours? what planet does he come from, anyway?

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So why we must always glorify the benefits of breast-feeding,


because they are legion and some of them last a lifetime

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no matter what benefits there are to a baby with breast-feeding, these would all be severely undermined if the parents marriage itself began to crumble.


I venture to say that a baby whose parents' marriage begins to crumble needs all the help he can get! How asinine to assume that the marriage is being threatened by the breastfeeding--has this man looked for underlying factors? Like sleep deprivation, financial uncertainty, immaturity on the part of the parents, meddling on the part of in-laws...

What infant-formula company has been paying this man to make his absurd assertions?

sign me
not a la leche militant, just a realistic mother

PS very good argument for breastfeeding: it's always kosher, even on pesach, and always pareve.
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aaa
queen
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ah, I see there were many, many responses on that site refuting his arguments. good!

given the opportunity I would definitley NOT watch his show, knowing what wacko opinions he has. Yeccch. and the fact that he has the title Rabbi makes him an embarrassment.
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