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I cut off my son's peyos; ...and he's thrilled :(
Topic Started: May 31 2006, 01:10 PM (3,498 Views)
chavamom
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I was giving my oldest son a haircut last night and when I was trimming around his peyos he turned his head in such a way that the comb caught his peyos. Well, I didn't feel I could leave him with a few strands on one side and the full deal on the other side, so I cut them both. I am so sad. He was so excited to not have peyos anymore. I have to say, most of the kids where he goes to school have cut peyos as does his own father. And he couldn't understand why I was sad.
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0613
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aw :( how old is he?
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chavamom
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0613
May 31 2006, 01:26 PM
aw :( how old is he?

14 next month. I'm hoping that the yeshiva high school will be an inspiration for him. They do a good job at that. Maybe then he'll WANT to grow his peyos back. Lately his refrain is 'I'm not yeshivish' :( . I totally understand why he is like this and it has to do with a lot of social issues (namely that he went to one school which was a disaster and the 'yeshivish' kids his age haven't been the biggest kiddush hashem.) Sigh. I would say 'betza'ar gidol banim' but I've been told that this is just 'gidol banim'!
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Karapooz
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Can't speak from experience, but hopefully it's just a stage. But why would he want to have peyos if his father doesn't?
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chavamom
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Better question is 'why would his father want him to have peyos if he doesn't?'. My dh is a BT, grew peyos at one point (when the kids were young and I pointed out to him that it would be a problem later if they had and he didn't) and decided it 'just wasn't him'. I do have to say, b/c of the way his hair grows, he had very bushy peyos that weren't inconspicuous even tucked behind his ears. However, when we lived in Israel, it was a given that kids had peyos and he wasn't the only father without. I'm sure my son was feeling 'peer pressure' not to be so 'farfrumpt' b/c not that many boys have peyos. See my other post about my son's issues with the yeshiva world.
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FlowerGirl
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if the hair is long enough to double around a finger, it's payos.
So probably, halahically you're ok.

Emotionally - :hugs - dh has these short 'on the side' payos, and ds has them a bit longer. He never asked anything...

Men have more facial hair some of which (closer to teples & ears area) can be used as payos. Boys don't.
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rikal
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Just saw this. Peyos do not have a max length by halacha. It is determined by eidah. Some chassidim don't cut at all. Some grow long but cut them at the end of the face. Lubavitch adopted the custom of the Arizal to not grow them long. Here in the yishuvim people are into externals (not necessarily bad, but a stage). When my boys were young they had long uncut peyos and they were alone. There father was Breslov and he wanted it that way. Neither the Chabad or Kipa sruga had them. They were teased and one child had one side cut half way and the kid who cut was backed by the teacher. Later the fashion here became long peyos for everyone. It occurred together w/ my boys all shortening their peyos to Chabad style as they reached BM. My little ones don't remember this and 2 of them want long to be like everyone else. My nephew after his last haircut went out and apparently someone chided him for his short peyos so he tried to cut them off completely and cut huge chunks out of the hair on the side of his head.
B"H DH saw it first and dealt with him strongly about the right issue. His over sensitivity to criticism, need to be accepted and total disbelief that a person can have anything different and be liked.

I think it is much easier when the family decides how the minhag will be for the family and from the earliest age distance any consideration on things like this being fashion or connected w/labels.
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FlowerGirl
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rikal
Sep 1 2006, 12:47 AM
Just saw this. Peyos do not have a max length by halacha. It is determined by eidah.

how is it determained??? (pls bring sources, ty.)
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rikal
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I have to go look. In the yeshiva here they had a chart hanging w/different opinions. Not being a man and knowing how we hold (after cutting my boys' hair for so long) that I noticed it but really didn't look at it. My oldest came from yeshiva w/instructions - start at 1/3 of the forehead and not to cut above the cheekbone where it meets the ear.

My ex is Breslov and I have done other Breslov kids and they say don't cut the peyos at all and they have to start at the top of the side of the head.
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