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| Why won't they go to school!; or why am I all alone on this. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 31 2006, 11:26 AM (408 Views) | |
| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 11:26 AM Post #1 |
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Rebbetzin
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As you people know, I have trouble getting my kids to go to school. To break their "chutzpah front" and to get them out of the antichinuch atmosphere here we decided to separate them and take them more or less out depending on age. My nephew is in a yeshiva tipuli and was very apprehensive. Yesterday he wanted to come home for Shabbos a week early. I knew he was not used to doing Shabbos properly so I said no. DH was annoyed as he doesn't think a person should say no to him, poor thing. Today he called thrilled as yesterday they went on a trip and today the pool. The others are jealous. They don't understand why he has so much fun. We haven't explained the nature of his program because we don't want them to laugh at him. Thety are just trying to get these potential dropouts to feel positive again about school. The next day I took my 11 and 12 year olds to the Talmud Torah in Immanuel. They have 6th grade, but not 7th. Took the younger but not the older. He had a good 1st day and so the hold out decided he would be bored. He suddenly agreed to live with a friend during the week and go to the Talmud Torah in Bnai Brak. The second day the younger one got yelled at and pressured and he refused to return. After that he missed the bus because he misunderstood my instructions. The bus is every 2 hours approx.! I have to get him back in or the 2nd will start wanting to stay home again as he thinks the 2 of them will be at home together. I know that whoever goes to be school will be extremely jealous if someone stays home. I also don't want an 11 yr old at home all year. The prob is the authority and women controlling bugaboo w/dh because of the EST and my mil. He says that he is not going to force anything and if they want to go to the schools here then they can do as they choose. It is not a mothers's job to shove a certain school down their throats. They are convinced that Abba will do nothing and they will get what they want. This whole atmosphere has the 11 year old talking to me with chutzpah. He has heard Abba say that I am just trying to control him. B"H for the amazing maturity of my 12 yr old until now, but he may also break. Our shalom bayis is going to hell over this and to put a cherry on top I had to cancel my 12 yr old's appt in Bnai Brak because I have a fever, am stuffed up and have no more koach. The teachers did make a mistake the 2nd day and are somewhat at a loss at how to get him back in the class. His classroom teacher called right away.The kids are saying,"We told you not to go to the stupid dos school". He has the full support of the children and many adult in the yishuv. The rav is silent because the TT is Chabad and he doesn't want to give his hechsher. He has expressed his opinion of which mechina he thinks parents must choose if they are sending younger ones out. He also does nothing to the large group of older bachurim and yungermen who have decided to educate the kids in their image w/o any consideration of the wishes of the parents. I can only hope that when the 2nd one is gone he will feel left out. It is obvious to me that he is not comfortable w/the situation and wants me to ease his disccomfort by giving in. This will never stop. Both schools here he left and refused to return. Now he wants to come back and if they don't do as he likes he can leave again? I think this young smartass (excuse my french) needs put in his place, with love. |
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| zuncompany | Aug 31 2006, 11:37 AM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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I think before anything you and your husband need to sit down and figure out how to stand on this. As long as you don't agree and the kids know it they will use it to their advantage. |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 11:43 AM Post #3 |
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Rebbetzin
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He wants them to make the right decision on their own. He has agreed w/every school placement before I registered the child. They interpret it as Abba doesn't care. Every discussion turns into a shouting match. I am looking into involving a 3rd party. Everyone so far says he will continue w/dh if he wants. He gets annoyed that they want to continue w/him and not me. Why have 2 rabbonim and 3 counselors all failed to realize that the prob is not his inability to make decisions and authority issues and not my need to railroad little kids into thinking they have to go to school if they don't want. He even suggested sending the other 2 to the tipuli because then they will all enjoy being together again and the big one is enjoying it. He's talking about 2 good students, one gifted, going into a program for kids with LD, behavioural and emotional issues. The ikar is that they should make their own decisions and be happy because he was never allowed to make his own decisions. This thing is bigger than both of us and will most certainly hit the fan in a big way when my mil arrives for Rachmiel's BM if I don't find someone willing to help soon. |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 11:48 AM Post #4 |
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Bala Buste
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I think you HAVE to get a 3rd party to mediate between you and your dh first and foremost. Then attack the issue with the kids as a united front. |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 11:50 AM Post #5 |
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Rebbetzin
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If there was a united front there would be no issues. I get "Abba doesn't care, you are selfish" in my face every day. The prob is finding someone to take this on. |
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| ScrappingMom | Aug 31 2006, 11:57 AM Post #6 |
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Jewish Housewife
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:hugs |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 12:02 PM Post #7 |
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Rebbetzin
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thanks SM. I really needed that! |
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| zuncompany | Aug 31 2006, 12:18 PM Post #8 |
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rikal- :hugs you deserve it!! What about someone like rav ginsburg (sp?)? |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 12:25 PM Post #9 |
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Bala Buste
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bighug And you are definately not alone. My 'big boy' is doing milkhig dishes right now b/c he got sent home from school. And that's after he cleaned the basement. I told him 'everyone has a job. your job is to go to school. if you are not in school, then your job is here working for me.' I don't think he's going to find staying home a very attractive proposition in the future. |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 02:55 PM Post #10 |
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Rebbetzin
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My kids strongly prefer working in the mecolet and swapping nosh all day to going to school. They know how to stock and run the register they've been home so long. |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 02:58 PM Post #11 |
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Rebbetzin
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He and dh are not a shidduch and neither is willing to deal w/the other. We have a rav that we always have gone to. Me for chinuch and shalom bayis and he for his personal issues and shalom bayis. The rav said he has to come willingly. It won't help if I force someone on him as he feels threatened that I am criticizing him, again. This time I unfortunately want someone with teeth. |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 04:51 PM Post #12 |
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Bala Buste
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Yeah, it has to be something they don't want to do. SO - today my ds cleaned the basement, put away laundry, washed the milkhig dishes, raked and mowed the yard. Ask me tomorrow if it worked, but he definately didn't like it today. |
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| FlowerGirl | Aug 31 2006, 07:33 PM Post #13 |
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Rebbetzin
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Yeah, it has to be something they don't want to do. SO - today my ds cleaned the basement, put away laundry, washed the milkhig dishes, raked and mowed the yard. Ask me tomorrow if it worked, but he definately didn't like it today. [/QUOTE] tell him that if he doesn't want to school you have a friend who will take him for the day. Dishes, floors, putting away summer stuff - plenty work here!!!! :twisted: Rikal, :hugs Hang in there! You're such a caring mother! They will appreciate it when they grow up!!! :hugs |
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| rikal | Sep 6 2006, 10:09 AM Post #14 |
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Rebbetzin
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Update. Because my 1st dt (dear truant) is leaving for Tishrei the principal said there is no sense in starting him a new school now. Hopefully he will come back from a month of camp in 77o w/a better attitude. I had really wished he would return to Yerushalayim, oh well. Therefore he is officially home until 25th of Elul when we hopefully put him on a plane. You see his US passport hasn't arrived yet but that is a different worry. thank you terrorists, as we used to get them in 1 day. My 20 yr old's hasn't shown up either. Number 2 dt is on his way to counseling which we hope will spill over to dh who is going to be assigned to taking him there. The counselor was told by me that #1 objective is getting and keeping him in school. No. 2 objective is dealing w/the authority issues of both of them. My nephew by ness seems to be doing well in his yeshiva. B"H. They started the year by spoiling them so they'll be happy they were sent away. |
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