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| Teenage son and responsibilty; MAKING ME CRAZY. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 31 2006, 10:49 AM (937 Views) | |
| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 10:49 AM Post #1 |
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Bala Buste
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Grrrr - so now on to my problems? Well, that would be PROBLEM. My oldest son. Started high school this Tues. We told him that at age 14, he is responsible for getting himself up in the morning and ready on time. First day, missed his ride, caught a ride with the later carpool. Second day, missed his ride, biked to school. Today, 'overslept' and did not get up until 9:30 (he's supposed to be at school at 7:45). He got suspended for the day when he got to school. Yes, he has several alarm clocks. He claims he sleeps through them b/c he wakes up through the night. I'm not buying it. I'm hoping he works this out before he gets expelled and I have to find a school for him out of town, but I am NOT going to take responsibility for him getting up every day at age 14. Or for him making sure he dresses acording to the dress code (which he signed on to when he signed the 'code of conduct'). Or his homework. Or any of the other things a reasonable 14 year-old should take responsibility for . Sigh. He's home now and I told him that since he's not in school today, he can work for me. I have him busy cleaning the basement. I also told him he is not allowed in his room until this evening. All this said very calmly, btw, and without anger, which was a real challenge for me. He also has to come up with a list of 5 things he thinks will help him to make sure he gets up in the morning since this is a problem for everyone. Help! :crazy |
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| rikal | Aug 31 2006, 10:56 AM Post #2 |
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Rebbetzin
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I can't do that one. My kids have a lot of responsibility but they will not get up. I make sure they get out of bed. The rest is up to them. My 13 1/2 just went to dorm. He is scared to death of the zmanim. There is nobody but him to make cheshbon w/the dorm counselor and the rav responsible for mik and learning before tefila. At least they have the report that tells them that audatory perception problems cause heavy sleeping so its not all his fault. Rachmiel gets up before the alarm and Shmuel (11) will lay in bed until noon if he doesn't want to get up. i throw them out. |
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| lilac7 | Aug 31 2006, 11:01 AM Post #3 |
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queen
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I have an alarm clock that beeps every 7 minutes, and I set it for about half hour before i need to get up because i never wake up completely when it first beeps. I snooze it several times until it clicks in my head that i have to get up. Maybe get him this kind of alarm clock and set to half hour earlier than he needs. |
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| FlowerGirl | Aug 31 2006, 11:02 AM Post #4 |
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Rebbetzin
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:hugs |
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| zuncompany | Aug 31 2006, 11:07 AM Post #5 |
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Administrator
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to be honest, my mom got me up every day until I left for college- and at first I had her calling me to make sure I made it to my 8am class (until trillian moved in with me!). I just could not and still can not wake up to an alarm. Drives dh made! |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 11:11 AM Post #6 |
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Bala Buste
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So how did you get up when you got a job? Before marriage? I really do feel that it is important for him to work out a way to wake up in the AM. Without me nagging and taking his blankets away. |
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| ScrappingMom | Aug 31 2006, 11:14 AM Post #7 |
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Jewish Housewife
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:hugs I have a 13 y.o. so I know what you're going through. I also have 6 brothers! My mother used to get up early to wake up my brothers and then she went back to sleep (they had to get up 6-6:30). I think she did it to save the hassle each morning. Ds has an alarm clock which he's responsible for. It doesn't always work, so I've had to "kick" him out of bed some mornings. When he needed a "mommy wake-up call", I gave him 5 minutes or else he would get a cup of cold water on his face. B"h, so far, I've not had to do that. Just the threat was enough of an incentive. |
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| zuncompany | Aug 31 2006, 11:31 AM Post #8 |
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I used to get the water in my face, the sheets pulled off. Heck, I think my parents turned the heater on my waterbed down once or twice. I eventually learned. When trillian left I had no more help and just had to learn from some really bad mistakes. REALLY BAD! |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 12:33 PM Post #9 |
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Bala Buste
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See, that is just it. I'd rather his 'bad mistake' be in 9th grade rather than later. |
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| Its Me | Aug 31 2006, 12:52 PM Post #10 |
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Bala Buste
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he might have sleep problems, why not offer him to go to a sleep clinic and see how fast he backs off, if he agress, maybe he does need it, if he backs off, it could be made up.
Edited by Its Me, Feb 1 2009, 02:47 PM.
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| FlowerGirl | Aug 31 2006, 01:04 PM Post #11 |
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Rebbetzin
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may be you can cut a deal with him that you're willing to help. Let's say, you will come into his room at 7am and if he's still in bed you take away the blanket & pillow & leave & do not come back anymore. This way he cannot say you don't care or help him at all, but at the same time HE is still responcible. I plain did not hear my alarm. It woke up the entire family & I slept. But telling me the classes r starting in 5 min got me out of bed (I did live 30 second walk from school). |
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| gayilc | Aug 31 2006, 01:27 PM Post #12 |
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aishes chayil
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My brother had a similar issue. He'd need many alarm clocks simultaneously going off to get out of bed. In the end, the solution was (because he was in a dorm, and many alarm clocks was rather annoying to other sleepers there) to get a vibrating alarm clock. I beleive this worked very well for him. I think though, the only way your son will get out of bed is if he wants to. You're probably doing the right hting by letting him learn from his mistakes. Perhaps you can discuss it with his principal now, so that he will not get kicked out of the school to a point you need ot find him a new one elsewhere. |
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| chavamom | Aug 31 2006, 02:00 PM Post #13 |
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Bala Buste
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I like the idea of a vibrating alarm clock. I think we are going to try that. |
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| ScrappingMom | Aug 31 2006, 03:37 PM Post #14 |
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Jewish Housewife
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Good luck!! Let us know if it worked. |
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| madison | Aug 31 2006, 04:11 PM Post #15 |
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princess
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My sister was like that until she went away to school for a year and then magically she got all responsible. Short of making this alarm clock - you attach a treadmill ramp mechanism to his bed then attach a coffee maker auto on timer to the ramp which automatically dumps him on the floor at the set time - I think youre doing whats best for him in the long run, he should get tired of cleaning your house and prefer school soon, no? |
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