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kvetching kids
Topic Started: May 7 2007, 08:39 AM (197 Views)
gayilc
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aishes chayil
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My kids have been extremely kvetchy recently and complaining about everything. I've come to a point where I just don't know how to deal anymore! Everytime I say no, it becomes a complete ordeal for them. Even when I don't say no, everything they want gets asked for in a kvetch, and htey just in general are doing a lot of it! It drives me crazy. It seems they save the kvetch's just for me too, cuz when they're with other people, they kvetch much much less. Any suggestions? I want to get rid of it from my house.
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Akvir
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aishes chayil
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join the club, i think it's an attention ploy personally and if sam asks for anything in that whiney rude tone he doesn't get it, even if he does add in a gruff please at the end.
I would like to know how to make him stop trying my patience, i have a sticker chart and it worked great at the begining, but i am starting to notice that he gets less and less stickers on his chart, he might get a sticker a week now due to him not listening to get dressed/tidy his toys...the list is endless and he thinks it's a laugh a minute.
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0613
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:)
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Akvir
May 7 2007, 09:54 AM
join the club, i think it's an attention ploy personally and if sam asks for anything in that whiney rude tone he doesn't get it, even if he does add in a gruff please at the end.

dito over here.

dd can be so kvetcy some times. so i say (as nicely as i can B) ) "i can't listen to you right now because you're kvetching" sometimes that makes her more upset, but i stand firm :happydance and may say "are you finished kvetching?" she usually gets the point, and will stop the kvetching and ask for what she wants nicely. then i just gotta hope that the answer to her request is a yes, cuz if it's a no, then full-blown tantrum may be next... but you just asked about kvetching, not tantrums :)
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hallie_ari_mom
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Rebbetzin
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I don't know what you are talking about.. my 4 year old NEVER kvetches...

Back to reality... both my kids do! Hallie calls it being "fetchy" since she can't say Kvetchy..

What I have been doing and it seems to be working, is:
1) kvetching back to her, which makes her laugh, and then I ask her to please ask me again in a big girl voice.
2) telling her I can't hear kvetchy voices and when she can ask me in a calm, big girl voice, I'll be ready to listen to her

Tantrums are a whole other animal. That just gets an "I'm sorry you aren't happy right now" and then I walk away.
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gayilc
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aishes chayil
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I try both of those suggestions, but it is never very long lasting. As soon as they want the next thing, the kvetch starts all over again, and sometimes, it just starts without wanting anything at all. Yesterady, dh was away all day. I was at my wits end by supper time. I had just had more then enough with them and I was going nuts!!
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hallie_ari_mom
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Rebbetzin
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gayilc
May 7 2007, 09:39 AM
I try both of those suggestions, but it is never very long lasting. As soon as they want the next thing, the kvetch starts all over again, and sometimes, it just starts without wanting anything at all. Yesterady, dh was away all day. I was at my wits end by supper time. I had just had more then enough with them and I was going nuts!!

Oh.. you wanted a quicker fix? Not sure there is one. Dh still kvetches when he wants something! This is a long term problem. You must stay consistant! I do find that when I make light of it and kvetch back it lightens the mood and even I am not as bothered as it as I would be if I took it seriously.

When dh works late, I tell Hallie straight out, "Daddy isn't home tonight, so I am putting you to bed alone, that means that you can't give me a hard time at all, or no books". If she whines once, I give her a warning, no books. That is usually enough. I have in the past had to take books away, and I had to listen to crying and complaining and I tell her I love her, and I know that next time she WON'T whine. I remind her of that the next time and how we had no books, and she gets her act together quickly.

I think it's a maturity thing too. She is far better now than she was 6 mo ago!
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Jo :-)
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queen
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I am joining the club too. My DS can be quite a kvetcher and I HATE it (and he knows it which doesn't help...) I know he probably does it for attention but I find it so hard to ignore and it drives me mad!!!!!!!!!!!
I tell him I won't listen to him when he is whining at me and that he should talk to me like a big boy and then I'll listen to him. He usually gets the message
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hallie_ari_mom
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Rebbetzin
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Hallie just got a time out for kvetching, and I spoke to her after a minute about it and I could see that she really needed some positive attention. The child I babysit for just left and (and I hate to say it!!) but she is such a negative energy person. After she leaves Hallie is always smily and happy and well behaved. Anyway.. we spoke for a bit and then she was fine! So maybe the kvetchiness is a sign of wanting positive attention!
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Karapooz
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I just say to speak nicely and he usually does. Long term, there's nothing really. People don't realize they do it. I just tell him to stop right away instead of ignoring so that it doesn't grate on my nerves and make me snap at him.
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Kmelion
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My general reply was "I don't understand you when you whine. Please ask/talk nicely" and it generally works.
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zuncompany
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HA! If I told Zu to just stop it would get worse. Literally the only way to get him to stop is to ignore it and not give in. Each kid is different. Tev until a week ago was the kind of kid you could just tell enough, stop kvetching and speak nicely. Than he finally hit the terrible twos and the kvetchs now include full on body on the floor kicking and screaming. Boy did he get mad today when I just laughed. Hey- it was funny!
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gayilc
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aishes chayil
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I'm glad I'm not the only one! :)
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Karapooz
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For me ignoring drives me up the wall.
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zuncompany
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Sometimes we have to do what works best and not what necc. is out favorite thing.
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Karapooz
aishes chayil
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zuncompany
May 9 2007, 04:57 PM
Sometimes we have to do what works best and not what necc. is out favorite thing.

Um, how is it the best thing if I end up angry and snap at him? It IS the best thing for us to tell my son to speak nicely right away.

And if ignoring would do the trick for us, it wouldn't make me annoyed, because I'd know that I'm doing this to stop the whining, which is surely best.
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