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Keeping things in perspective
Topic Started: May 31 2007, 12:09 AM (565 Views)
chavamom
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Bala Buste
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My patient the night before last was 13 years old. Having a baby with her similar aged boyfriend. I was standing there while she was delivering thinking "I have 2 kids older than this baby about to have a baby". It really put the whole "what-am-I-going-to-do-with-them-they-don't-want-to-wear-white-shirts-and-a-hat" issue into perspective for me.
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shortcake
aishes chayil
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oy...I can't imagine the feeling of watching a 13 yr old in labor and giving birth...let alone her with the boyfriend there! 2 kids "playing" house, unfortunatly it's a lose-lose situation...really makes you appreciate the torah way of life...
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rikal
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I'm surprised in a major city you don't see it more often. I used to be their caseworkers and there were too many. The large womens' hospital I gave birth in had the main welfare clinic and the hours were on the wall. There was a special day just for mothers under 16.

Did someone come with them or were they dealing with this alone? I think its very admirable that the bf was there. They too often beat it off at that age because its too much to handle. I once had a hearing were the judge married a young pregnant couple in the hearing. It was obvious that as young as they were they were being more mature than the parents, who were just interested in blaming and punishing.

Though I came from a much worse place than my most rebellious kid will ever get I still want the most for them. Though my past and work experiences also keep these things in perspective, that's for me. On the outside I believe in expect mediocrity and you'll get it. I try to send my kids the msg yhat I believe they can be the best HaShem will allow if they work hard and also make demands of themselves.
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chavamom
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Where I'm working, 13 is rare, 12 even rarer (about 6 a year). I've even seen an 11 year-old. 14 and you don't bat an eye though. And yes, the hospital has a teen pregnancy clinic. It has a great reputation for what they do. I wish I could make all pregnant teens go there b/c those girls are so much better prepared and educated.

As for this couple, yes lots of family came. More than should have. Totally and completely dysfunctional. A drunken aunt trying to tell me how to read the fetal monitor and yelling at me that I wasn't checking her cervix every hour. Her uncle's ex-wife showed up at 2 AM WITH ALL HER KIDS - just to create a scene. It was nuts. Finally her mother made everyone leave and it was just the bf and her mother with her (and an uncle that stayed in the waiting room). At least they won't be alone though.

And no, the message was only for me, not my kids. Ds wore a white shirt, suit and hat last shabbos - that's real progress ;) .
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Estie
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aishes chayil
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Having two 14 year olds and getting upset because they don't want to spend next shabbos with me at a shabbaton for the school I work with (well one of them is not invited because he is a boy), this just reminds me that I have to be thankful that they are really essentially good kids (and that the fun is yet to begin!)
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ScrappingMom
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This reminds me when I was in labor with ds#1. There was this screaming coming from the room across the hall. My coach went to investigate. A 13 year old was giving birth and was refusing to push. She kept yelling at the doctor and nurses that if they wanted this child born, they would have to pull it out of her.

It does put things into perspective and makes you think about picking your battles.
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chavamom
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ScrappingMom
Jun 1 2007, 01:54 AM
My coach went to investigate. A 13 year old was giving birth and was refusing to push. She kept yelling at the doctor and nurses that if they wanted this child born, they would have to pull it out of her.

OT, but yes, that does seem to be a problem with a lot of the really young girls. I've even seen a c/sec with one of them for "refusal to push"!!!
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Its Me
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why dont they want to push?
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shortcake
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this seems to be common- my mom toled me when she was in labor with one of my sisters, that for hours some very young girl in the room near her was yelling because she was in denial that she was in labor and having a baby...and it was quite unsettling/annoying to listen to!
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chavamom
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Its Me
Jun 3 2007, 03:01 AM
why dont they want to push?

Fear. It's almost worse with epidurals b/c often they don't feel anything until the baby gets low, so the more they push, the more they feel. So they stop pushing, refuse to push, try to suck the baby back in, pretend to push.....
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sauls_mom
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i feel bad for these girls- regardless of the bad choices they made- once that baby is out- there is no turning back.

i wish there were more support services for after they have kids (and ALOT more before- to help them pick a different path)
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chavamom
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sauls_mom
Jun 3 2007, 09:08 PM
i feel bad for these girls- regardless of the bad choices they made- once that baby is out- there is no turning back.

i wish there were more support services for after they have kids (and ALOT more before- to help them pick a different path)

Absolutely.
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rikal
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There are services, at least there were in my day, but very few of these girls utilized them. The teenage preg group are not always the most cooperative with soc svcs.A good social worker is also a good service provider and should be aware of what is available from both the public and private sectors. Some social workers are lazy or don't think their clients deserve it.
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