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Can't afford pre-school - what would you do?; costs of jewish schools
Topic Started: Nov 27 2006, 04:10 PM (819 Views)
MamaBear
baby
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Hi everyone, I'm new here but i thought you might be able to help me with a problem. I have an almost 1 yr old son and a son who will be 3 in March. The older one is currently in an Orthodox pre-school 3 mornings a week. (we are frum) The cost is the maximum we can afford. The problem is what to do for next year and enrollment starts very soon. The 2 local Orthodox pre-schools require fulltime enrollment for next year - about 28 hrs a week. Not only is this too many hrs for me and my son (i'm a SAHM) but the cost ($11K)is way too high. Neither school is willing to help me out with cost and since pre-school is not mandatory, i can't blame them. I find it very difficult to be at home fulltime with 2 young kids (and no car, a husband with crazy hrs and very little support from extended family) so having my son is some kind of program helps me be a better mom and wife. It keeps me sane.

My question to you? The only local place that I can afford with hrs i find reasonable is at a Reform Temple. My son will be 3 1/2 when he would begin. In terms of chinuch, how do you all feel about this? Would this be sending mixed message to my son? Is it enough at that age that his environment will be Jewish, is it essential that it be frum, too? From what I understand, they expose the kids to "basic Judaism" and nothing more. The rest of the time is the usual fun pre-k activities all places have.

(Btw, I once tried a babysitter for a few hrs to get a "break" but with no car and a small apartment and my younger son, I kind of felt trapped - like me and the sitter were on top of one another. She also cancelled a lot so it didn't work out for multiple reasons)

I hear my older son so I have to go but I can go into this more later after bedtime.

TIA!
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zuncompany
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Have you tried telling the ortho schools that your only other option than will be to send him to the reform school?

Personally, I would not put my child in the reform program. I think it would be hard as the kids while they might be required to bring kosher style lunches, it won't be kosher, shabbos is not shabbos in their homes, they might be allowed to watch programs you do not want your child exposed to.
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Mom2DavidandAaron
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aishes chayil
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I just want to send you HUGS. What a terrible situation to be going through and I can perfectly understand how you feel. We also have economic struggles that sometimes interfere with our orthodox dreams. I also fully understand your need for personal time. You don't have to suffer and sacrifice so much to be a good mother and I know that as much as I adore my older son, I think school is a blessing. I can dedicate myself to my baby at least during the day and I feel more relaxed and calm than if I'm chasing a 3 year old around the house for no good reason.
I agree with Sara that if you're frum it'll be very confusing for your little ones to be in a Reform environment. It's not impossible, but it'll require a lot of hard work from your part to make sure they understand why their lives are so different from their friends'. Also, you'll have to depend only on yourself for adequate chinuch.
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Deena
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did you try a chabad, I am sure their is one in your neighborhood.
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MamaBear
baby
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I'm back for a few min...yes, I tried Chabad. They are one of the two local schools. They cannot help me financially. I tried. They wouldn't offer me a shortened day either (less hrs = less$ which is why we can afford the 12 hrs a week right now). They said they need to break even and if they give me a scholarship then they need to fundraise to make up the difference. $11,000 for 10 months of pre-school - is that really what they need to break even for each child??? The director seemed upset at the idea of having to go to a Reform place but, again, still unable to do anything.

The issue will become much greater when ds in in Kindergarten b/c then he will have to go to an Orthodox place. Luckily, he will only be there one year and then we will move somewhere more affordable. (we can't move for 3 1/2 more yrs due to my husband's training). My younger son, if costs stay like this, will never go to pre-k. Had I known about next year's costs, I actually wouldn't have sent my older son this year and saved up the $... i nver would have thought they would have required 3 yr olds to go fulltime. I assumed part time would still be an option.

The Reform place is significantly cheaper. I don't know if they have a lot of additional funds coming in to subsidize costs but it seems crazy to me that the Orthodox places are so much more money.

Pickup time for the Reform place is before lunchtime, btw, so kashrus is only a concern for snacktime. I heard they are kosher but to what standard...
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0613
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:)
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Are there no in-home programs? Like mothers who have nurseries in there houses.
The Orthodox preschools here are nowhere near that expensive, but even so, I don't want to pay so much and send full time. So next year my dd (who will be 4) is going to a program in someone's house. I know of at least 3 of these types of programs in my city. It's about 4 hours a day and costs from $200-$250/month.
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realeez
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Are there other mothers that you can do a "round-robin" - rotation with? like if you found 4 more mothers, everyone has a day when they are with the kids and put together a program and then you have the other 4 days off. (of course you can do this with less mothers and have less days off).
around here there are a bunch of people who do that.
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hallie_ari_mom
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Rebbetzin
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I can only offer that at my dd's preschool program at the Conservative/Reconstructionist synagogue, the rules say that the meals must be dairy.... but the moms not only bring meat in, but unkosher meat. Now.. I'm not the most religious person here by any means, but this angers me to no end. I send her there because it is supposed to uphold certain standards that I agreed to when I signed her up.

Don't send your child to the reform place unless you trust them 100% and can know for sure that meals or whatever they are eating is up to your standards.

I don't know where you live, but I live on LI they just opened a Jewish Academy which is phemonimal, and everyone is fighting to get in. Great prices and great hours. Maybe there is something off beat like that by you?
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rikal
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I kept a very ready 3 yr old home because our yishuv refused at that time to separate the boys and girls. It was hard but today there are 2 girls' gans and 2 boys gans. I strongly recommend the round robin idea. This is very common in Israel. You take them one day and the rest of the week you are free - and its free! You just have to agree on kashrus standards and at 3 I would expect some type of learning.
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MamaBear
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thanks for everyone's input...

There are no inhome nurseries in my area. I do have a friend who is currently trying out the round robin idea this year. She says it's ok but not the kind of structure she would like - it's mainly just like a big playdate. Also, we all live in apartments so there's little space for the kids to really move around. The main living space/eating area gets crowded fast, kwim? It is still an option if nothing else works out.

My husband and I are feeling less certain about the reform place. I would always be worried about what he's picking up there, what he's learning, kashrus, etc...my family is not Orthodox so in terms of Jewish diversity he's exposed to enough. I'd rather his pre-k reinforce what he learns at home.

I keep going back and forth between not sending him anywhere (but i know i would end up depressed, literally, next year when my husband's hours get even worse and i'm home alone stranded for days with no support, no car, etc) and just having my husband work overtime to make the extra money for the Orthodox school. And even then I would be sending my son for many more hrs than i would like. But he would be in a frum environment.

I have spoken to so many mothers in my area about this and they all seem fine sending their 3 yr olds from 9-2:30, 5 days a week...am i the only stay at home mom who wants more time with my child? It seems like such a long day for him. And he would never get a nap in, though he might not need one at that point.

$11K for pre-k...never would i have though we would be considering paying that...

I'm talking to a Rebbetzin tonight for some more advice. Hopefully, she'll help me gain some clarity.
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zuncompany
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When Zu went it was 9:30 until 12:30 and it was enough. A full day is 4k and i think it went till 3:30. I was shocked that i was the only one not doing full day. I have never heard of 11k or full day or nothing anywhere to be honest.
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lilac7
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queen
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where I live it's at least 15k for full day
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zuncompany
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15k?????? what school???
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lilac7
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queen
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all Jewish preschools I looked at are at least that amount
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hallie_ari_mom
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Rebbetzin
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When Hallie was 3 I sent her from 9:30-1:30. Now she goes from 9-1:30 two days a week, and from 9-3:15, 3 days a week, in preparation for the longer days of kindergarten. I like that because I can spend longer days with her at least two days. I do get a heck of a lot done on those longer days, though. I'm so ready to pick her up too... but I get a lot of quality time with my son.

I know what you mean about needing them to go for a few hours though. It keeps you sane. Kids need kids. 11k is an awful lot of money.

Given all this info.. maybe you should consider the reform place if you can pick him up before meals. Consider it "more than a playdate" as far as learning is concerned. Kids need social time and play time and if he's there for just a few hours, he can have fun but learn from you.
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