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| "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME" | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 15 2007, 02:20 PM (1,939 Views) | |
| chavamom | Jun 15 2007, 02:20 PM Post #1 |
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Bala Buste
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That would be oldest ds's reply to any attempt to discipline him. Like today - I stepped out for a minute and older 2 boys got into it with one of my dd's, bloodying her lip in the process (tackled her and she got hurt, not malicious punching or anything chv'sh). I said, "you two now have to clean the basement". Ds 13 ran off (probably glad that's all he had to do) and ds said "you can't make me". He's right, I can't. I was standing next to the front door and I just said "get out" and tossed him out of the house. Not a terribly effective method of punishment - he took off on his bike for parts unknown. I might mention that it's about 95 degrees here today, so definitely not comfortable, but he'll probably seek refuge somewhere and just be mad at me - cause of course it wasn't HIS fault. Never is. So what are you supposed to do with teens who have decided to challenge your authority on everything? And about camp? He picked out a camp he wanted to go to and now has found out they have a hat and jacket for davening rule. Reasonable, no? He says "they can't make me". Right, they can't. But they can kick you out for not following the rules. He thinks they won't. Oy. Why does he have to find out everything the hard way? And what am I going to do with him when he gets kicked out of camp? :ouch :ouch :ouch :ouch :ouch |
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| hallie_ari_mom | Jun 15 2007, 02:41 PM Post #2 |
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Rebbetzin
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You know what? They can make him. I doubt he'd rebel against his peers. He knows what the camp is about. Maybe if he DOES get kicked out, it'll click in his head. I don't think you did the wrong thing today. If he doesn't listen to you about helping out around the house, take away his bike. He'll have to earn it back. Good luck! |
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| chavamom | Jun 15 2007, 02:43 PM Post #3 |
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Bala Buste
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I'll have to lock up the bike. He took off on it immediately.... |
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| hallie_ari_mom | Jun 15 2007, 02:44 PM Post #4 |
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Rebbetzin
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I think that's your best bet. Freedom makes him feel independent and older. That's something that is earned, not owed to him. |
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| Estie | Jun 15 2007, 04:41 PM Post #5 |
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aishes chayil
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Oy, I am so not looking forward to this stage. |
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| hallie_ari_mom | Jun 15 2007, 04:43 PM Post #6 |
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Rebbetzin
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Me either. I have a few years to go. |
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| Estie | Jun 15 2007, 06:07 PM Post #7 |
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aishes chayil
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I don't, my twins were born in 1993 and my next one in 1995. |
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| ScrappingMom | Jun 15 2007, 06:34 PM Post #8 |
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Jewish Housewife
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During the summer, my son lives on his bike. He knows it gets taken away if he misbehaves. It doesn't always work, but it helps. Ditto with Nintendo, etc. |
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| ScrappingMom | Jun 15 2007, 06:36 PM Post #9 |
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Jewish Housewife
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Lucky you, if you're still smiling. :) My son is the same age as your twins. |
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| Reverse Karma | Jun 15 2007, 07:02 PM Post #10 |
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aishes chayil
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DS is 19 1/2 and threatened to eat up the food for Shabbos day, saying "I couldn't stop him..........." I'm also not that happy. :( |
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| rikal | Jun 16 2007, 01:56 PM Post #11 |
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Rebbetzin
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Looking from the other end of the tunnel. I answered every "You can't make me" with "You're right I can't, but the consequences will be yours". They always stop to see what I mean. I told them that what is unacceptable will always be so. Not to me, the Rebbe or the KBH. I will not bend to terror but what happens inside the house WE (dh and I) will decide. When you work and build your own home then you will be the boss. What you do here cannot change the atmosphere of the house. That means what we consider appropriate dress, music, books and movies. It also includes violent fighting. They didn't always listen but they always found an opportunity to sit down and have that talk about what I meant about their behavior and the family. That was important to them. Today they go to my ex or the ils to be chased after and spoiled but I have heard many times a married kid say on the phone when someone asks where they are "At home, uh, at my Ima's house. That means this is the place they consider their childhood home even though I am by far the toughest. As to camp, if he bombs out do you get a refund? If not make sure he works it off somehow. In most cases if the camp is a good one they will convince him to follow the pack. If the other kids do it happily then he will probably get in line. Enforcing their rules is their job. My experience is kids do what they do to send a msg to the parents and have no need to send the same msg to an outsider. That is why others can tell them and we can't. As I said, I believe in consequences. A super boring summer while everyone else is at camp is a pretty awful fate. |
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| chavamom | Jun 16 2007, 10:54 PM Post #12 |
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Bala Buste
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A summer at home is not an option - I have a job in the mountains working at camp. That's the problem. He thinks we should leave him home. Alone. BAHWHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway. We also do the whole "you're right, we can't make you, but there will be a consequence to your behavior" thing. He refuses to mentally accept the idea of consequence right now. It's *punishment* and we're doing it to be mean, even if it's a logical consequence. Like your bike gets rusted if it's left in the rain. Well, I saw it there and left it in the rain, that's just MEAN. |
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| rikal | Jun 17 2007, 01:18 AM Post #13 |
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Rebbetzin
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He knows his stupidity made the bike rust. He is probably just dumping it on you to let out his frustration and hoping you'll be dumb enough to accept his blame. Can you arrange that if for any reason he can't stay in camp he will be spending the summer someplace intimidating, like with a relative with no kids his age, etc? If he feels you "need" him to be at camp he will use it as a wedge. All businessmen should learn bargaining strategy from teenagers. |
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| rikal | Jun 17 2007, 01:22 AM Post #14 |
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Rebbetzin
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BTW, think good and it will be good. Don't think he will be kicked out, keep telling yourself that there will be a counselor or friend who will inspire him to be better. Positive thoughts help. And daven. |
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| chavamom | Jun 17 2007, 01:26 AM Post #15 |
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Bala Buste
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I should add that he's coming around. He asked for a new jacket. I said his grandparents have been offering to buy him one for a while, but he didn't want it. When he realized that meant a new jacket from Brooks Brothers (nice jacket) he got excited. I"m sure the next request will be for a Bors b/c he can't be seen in his Stetson :rolleyes: |
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