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Kindergarten means Boyfriend??? VENT
Topic Started: Jun 21 2007, 08:09 PM (401 Views)
Zeesachaya
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Rebbetzin
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Argh! I am so annoyed with our society right now! Why do grown ups say stupid things to children like: "So, who is your boyfriend now that you're a big girl?" What the heck?

We just came from my best friend's home where I was babysitting. Her dd said to my dd: "So who is your boyfriend? Mine is named J__" So then my dd started to name a boy in her class as her "boyfriend"!!! I know it means nothing at this point and that truly there is nothing going on but it really infuriates me that our society wants these LITTLE girls (ages 5 and 6) to frame everything in this sexual mentality of boys and girls being "boyfriends" and "girlfriends."

I know my friend feels pretty much the same as I do so I redirected the conversation rather quickly but obviously they are getting tons of outside influences in school and other peer related activities.

I have told my daughter in the past that we don't talk about "boyfriends" and that she can have a friend who is a boy but it isn't her "boyfriend."

Why can't folks just let them be children???
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sauls_mom
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thats the same reason i dont get why toddlers need to be in bikinis!

HUG

what did she say when you talked to her?
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Zeesachaya
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You mean my daughter?

She said: "What are boyfriends? It's when you love someone right? Well I love my friend and he's a boy so he's my boyfriend! I have boyfriends and girlfriends. But girls don't have girlfriends right? Was daddy your boyfriend when you were in kindergarten?"

And then thank goodness they were distracted because good grief was that a slam dunk of crazy questions or what!!! Oy vay...it just gets more complicated from here on out I suppose...

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sauls_mom
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im not looking forward to those types of questions...
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rikal
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In Israel, despite attacks from the a press and such, a few nonreligious schools are rediscovering the joy of separate education. Kids who are free to concentrate on their studies and not on whether he is looking at me during math class, who can dress according to their taste and not on what will get him to notice me, etc. Peer pressure to have someone, anyone to walk in the hall with.

I think this need to put this on small kids comes from 2 places. The influence of the tv/movies. It is fashionable to show kids as street smart precocious brats wearing shorts and halters all of the time. And of course, always making fun of their clueless dorky parents. Those who produce the media are not reflecting values, they are trying to create them.

The other is a commercial reason. Get little girls on the clothes/makeup/jewelery spending trak as young as possible. New Mommies see it as cute when their little girl is 2 and totally lose control of a teenager and can't sleep when they leave on a date very provocatively dressed. By that time she is also a major drain on the family budget.

I got the icicle look from mil when my niece was telling me she has Bratz on all of her things because 'they dress so nice' and I told her that I thought they looked pretty ugly and they look like the kind of girls who don't think very much of themselves.
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rikal
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ZC, it is important to talk with her and let her know that you unequivocally think this is not a worry for her right now. Peer pressure to have a bf just increases with age, esp in the public school.
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hallie_ari_mom
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Dd's whole class (preschool) has already figured out who is marrying whom). It's crazy. I used to hate that sort of thing and will never ask Hallie who her boyfriend is. As adults, it's our job to NOT ask those questions so the kids won't think it's important to have one.
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Akvir
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I don't see what is bad with boyfriend or girlfriend? A boy friend is a boy that's a friend and a girl friend is a girl that's a friend.
My son says he has best friends and friends and he has a friend called Sara and she is a girl. He is funny. There is nothing sexual in any of it, so i wouldn't worry, it was the same way when i was very little.
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Akvir
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Oh and as hallie-ari-mom says, you don't ask who their boyfriend or girlfriend is either, i just ask Sammy who his friends are.
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Reverse Karma
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Dunno.

Our school are separate from day one, so it must m ,ean something, on some level . . . .
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hallie_ari_mom
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Akvir
Jun 25 2007, 10:47 AM
Oh and as hallie-ari-mom says, you don't ask who their boyfriend or girlfriend is either, i just ask Sammy who his friends are.

Right.. just friends. I remember my moms friends asking me about boyfriends and I was so embarrassed! I will never do that to them.
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Zeesachaya
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I know the boyfriend/girlfriend thing doesn't mean anything sexually but it is very disturbing to have children going down this thought process at such a young age.

Oh don't even get me started on those Bratz dolls, my daughter knows that she is NOT allowed to have those or to play with them. During xmas clearance there was a working little sewing machine for girls but it had the bratz girls pictures on it so I had to pass it up - it was a great bargain too but definitely not o.k. in my book.
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Mandy
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Quote:
 
I have told my daughter in the past that we don't talk about "boyfriends" and that she can have a friend who is a boy but it isn't her "boyfriend."


I think she probably had a hard time understanding this b/c the term boyfriend has very different connotations for an adult or adolescent than a kindergartener.

I think if that happened to me, I would explain that boyfriend does not mean someone who is just a friend who is a boy. Maybe I would say that that is called a friend boy. A boyfriend is something that older people have and little girls in kindergarten just have friends who are boys. Maybe I would just treat it as a language-usage lesson.

But in the overall picture, I am reluctant to send my daughters to a co-ed school for this reason. Your self-identity becomes enmeshed with how popular and attractive you are to the opposite sex.
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hallie_ari_mom
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I immensely dislike Bratz, myself. Luckily, Hallie things they look funny. She had a Bratz cat, which she got rid of ASAP bc it was so weird looking.

Her BFF thinks minis are cool, and wearing bra tops is sexy. Yes, that little 4 year old uses that word regularly. Where she got it, I don't know. Her mom is mortified that she uses it as well.

But she plays with Bratz dolls, so maybe that is an influence? I know Barbie never dresses that risque.
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Zeesachaya
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Mandy
Jun 25 2007, 01:12 PM

But in the overall picture, I am reluctant to send my daughters to a co-ed school for this reason. Your self-identity becomes enmeshed with how popular and attractive you are to the opposite sex.

ITA - if there were single sex classrooms/schools here I would definitely have my daughter in one. I also think they learn better in such an arrangement too...wrote a paper on this for my credential program.
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