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| mitzvah note incident :( | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 20 2007, 09:34 PM (287 Views) | |
| gayilc | Sep 20 2007, 09:34 PM Post #1 |
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aishes chayil
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Ru came home today and yesterday wiht his mitzvah notes untouched. I asked him tonight why he didn't give them to his morah. He told me that he didn't want to. I asked him why, did someone say something to you? He said "yeah". I asked "what did they say". He said "they said it was a stupid pink mitzvah note" (I write his mitzvah notes on pink paper cuz that's what i have around). I asked him who it was, and he told me it was the same kid I'm having the whole "bad words" issue with.
:( I was really upset about this, and I'm not really sure how to go about it. I spoke to the teacher 2 days ago, and they called me back and told me they spoke to the parents of the kid (I did not mention the kids name to the teacher, they knew who it was), and that they are working on it, but what do I tell my son in the meantime? And what do I do every mornign in carpool when this kid starts talking not nicely, and my kdis are picking it up. It just makes me so sad. :( |
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| Zeesachaya | Sep 21 2007, 12:06 AM Post #2 |
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Rebbetzin
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:hugs That is so sad! In carpool is the child talking not nicely in your car? You can definitely control that one by saying you don't allow this type of discussion. However, in the car of another I guess that would be difficult. Are you friendly with the mother? |
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| rikal | Sep 21 2007, 01:29 AM Post #3 |
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Rebbetzin
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I am not excusing that kind of talk and I hope the parents get on it. We have this battle all of the time. There is often a difference in the way 1st children and later talk because subsequent children hear the talk of older kids. I don't know your crowd but if they have a tv it encourages that kind of speech. My kids totally don't get it when the reason I nix a movie is only because an important character is one of these streetwise little brats with no respect. That is the cool way to portray kids in media and older ones pick it up and pass it to their younger sibs. Maybe the entire group of carpool moms can make few rules of decency. My experience is it only takes one kid to ruin a whole group and waste alot of effort in chinuch. In the end you will make the difference with zero tolerance w/o anger. |
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| Special Guest | Sep 21 2007, 01:46 AM Post #4 |
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princess
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Teach him how to answer back. Teach him how to have self confidence. Tell him that that boy probably hasn't any mitzva notes at all and he's jealous. Maybe teach him that when the boy says it, he should bring his note to the teacher and say, "Isn't this a nice paper my mommy chose for the mitzva note?" so the other kid could hear. He shouldn't be so affected by that child. You can't always change others, but you can teach your kids to deal with them. |
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| hallie_ari_mom | Sep 21 2007, 06:21 AM Post #5 |
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Rebbetzin
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Kids can be cruel. This kid is picking on yours for no reason! Ok.. but let's make his a little life easier. Use white paper. Let's give your son a chance to have this kid leave him alone. I agree with everything everyone else said as well. |
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| gayilc | Sep 24 2007, 09:59 AM Post #6 |
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aishes chayil
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So, I took him to target yesterday and let him pick out his own special mitzvah notes. He went to school today with his mitzvah note written on Superman paper! I wrote a little note on the bottom about the incident and I left the 2 pink mitzvah notes from last week in his bag. I hope it wasn't too much. I did not feel 100% comfortable writing mitzvah notes on superman paper, but at least it made him happy and hopefully he'll give it in. Simcha chose batman paper! No more pink papers for my kids! |
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| Special Guest | Sep 24 2007, 05:15 PM Post #7 |
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princess
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You have not eliminated the problem. You still have to teach him to stick up for himself and not let that boy's words affect him like this. |
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| realeez | Sep 24 2007, 05:39 PM Post #8 |
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Brain Freeze
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Teaching to stick up for oneself is not an overnight process - it takes time and work usually - especially in a preschooler. Also, you have some people who are much more sensitive than others so they will take things more to heart and you cannot just tell them to let it slide. The upside of that personality is that they are much more sensitive in what they say to others. |
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| Special Guest | Sep 24 2007, 07:18 PM Post #9 |
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princess
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For sure. It's good that she did what she did. But the kid won't stop at this. He'll find something else to chew Ru up over. Ru needs to learn to deal. |
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| Mandy | Sep 24 2007, 08:31 PM Post #10 |
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aishes chayil
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+1 I absolutely agree. Kids will tease and pick on each other. The best you can do is show them how much it hurts so they won't do it to others and teach them the best ways to handle it when it happens to them. You can't eliminate all the problems, but you can teach your children how to solve some of them on their own. There are many example of what to answer back. I love my pink mitzva notes. If you don't like them, well, that's too bad for you. Stupid is not a nice word and it's sad that you don't know how to use polite words. Pink is what we had at home. Your opinion doesn't matter to me. Ha-ha. You are being so silly. Everyone knows that pink mitzva notes are the best. |
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| realeez | Sep 24 2007, 10:03 PM Post #11 |
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Brain Freeze
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Right, but like I said - it won't happen overnight! |
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| gayilc | Sep 25 2007, 08:46 AM Post #12 |
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aishes chayil
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I'm not going to be there every single time to be able to make him feel better. Even as an adult, I have a hard time coming up with comebacks when people say things that are not nice. I can't imagine having to do it as a 4 year old. I can try drilling the routine into his head, but if it's not instinctive, the hurt overcomes the idea that you should say something back at all. |
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| Special Guest | Sep 25 2007, 08:53 AM Post #13 |
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princess
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It doesn't have to be a "come-back." Mandy posted several matter-of-fact replies. He should say what he feels. "It's not nice to use bad words," etc. You don't need to teach a child to be callous in order not to hurt. I understand, realeez, that sensitive kids are sensitive to others, too. So use his sensitivity: "He doesn't want to make you feel bad. He just doesn't know how to speak nicely. Can you tell him it's not nice? Can you show him how to speak nicely? He's only saying that because he feels bad that he doesn't have a note." |
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