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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 6 2009, 07:23 PM (313 Views) | |
| realeez | Jan 6 2009, 07:23 PM Post #1 |
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Brain Freeze
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DD (3) has a running commentary on everything everyone else does "wrong" in her books. Since it's not mean and usually in the car where no one can hear anways, I keep quiet overall but it gets funny. Examples: -- "That neighbour drove without letting his car warm up." -- "That boy [he was like 15] is shopping without his mommy." -- "That person is not wearing a hat and it's cold outside and that person isn't wearing her hood [she was at least wearing a hat]." They were both probably like 40! -- "They shouldn't run on ice; they might fall!" (also adults) |
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| zuncompany | Jan 6 2009, 07:26 PM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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The boys never did this with us but Frei does. It drives me crazy but at the same time I love it! Its like a little window into her world. |
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| realeez | Jan 6 2009, 07:29 PM Post #3 |
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I had that with ds1 but he was really loud about it and I had to explain to him that we don't talk about other people. This was after he asked me in line in the grocery why the boy in front is eating chocolate before he paid! (The mother was ROFL since she had BTDT and told ds that she bought it at a different store!) |
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| rikal | Jan 7 2009, 06:00 AM Post #4 |
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Rebbetzin
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I would teach my kids politely to keep their nose in their own plate. I do not see a running commentary and always noticing other people's faults as a good mida. One should always look at others with the right eye, in a positive light. I realize that this should be done with gentle guidance and in an age appropriate way. - "That neighbour drove without letting his car warm up." - He must be going somewhere really important. -- "That boy [he was like 15] is shopping without his mommy." - He must have shown her that he is responsible enough -- "That person is not wearing a hat and it's cold outside and that person isn't wearing her hood [she was at least wearing a hat]." They were both probably like 40! Adults can feel better when they are cold and wiill put in on if they need it. -- "They shouldn't run on ice; they might fall!" (also adults) Yes, it is important to be careful. I am glad you remembered that. |
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| realeez | Jan 7 2009, 06:46 AM Post #5 |
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I think dd is at the age where she is realizing that people do things differently from her and different rules apply to other people than apply to her not so much notcing people's faults as they aren't. If she was saying mean things about people I would react differently. Either I leave it or I do comment (like the neighbour started warming up his car before us). |
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| ElTam | Jan 7 2009, 08:06 PM Post #6 |
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queen
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DD also does this. We call her "the hall monitor." I think it's a great time to teach kids about being dan l'chaf zechus and also helping them understand the world better. e.g., "Ima, those girls are walking alone. They shouldn't be crossing the street without an Ima." Me: "Well, those girls are much older than you and they know how to cross the street safely. When you are older, you will also be able to cross the street alone." That's a lot different than speaking LH (e.g., Rafi hit Yoni in school today), which has to be handled differently, by explaining that it's LH and that you won't listen to it. |
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| npl | Jan 7 2009, 08:41 PM Post #7 |
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Bala Buste
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I think what Realeez and ElTam's daughters are doing is verbalizing that they notice that the rules that not everyone does things the way they do, and that the way they have learned to do things/behave are different from what they see others doing. So, I think it is the first step in learning that, eg they need to hold a grown-up's hand to cross the street but when they are older they will learn to cross safely by themselves. Age 3/4 is such an age of discovery about the world, and it's wonderful to me to see them verbalize what they are thinking - I get lots of comments and commentary from my nearly 4yo, although more about the trucks he sees, the way machines work, etc than on what people do! When my kids get old enough to phrase their observations as judgments "so and so does this and I don't think it's right" then we get into the dan l'chaf zechus and lashon hora lessons. But, until they show me that they can make those judgments, IME they aren't able to understand what makes it lashon hora, either. |
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| rikal | Jan 8 2009, 06:20 AM Post #8 |
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Rebbetzin
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yes. indeed. I am more that we also need to be careful. Like "They are doing x and its not good" and we agree with the critical phrasing (unless what they are doing is really not good, like fighting, cursing, etc). |
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| npl | Jan 8 2009, 06:37 AM Post #9 |
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Bala Buste
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Rikal - I agree with you, that once they say "it's not good" they are making and verbalizing the judgment explicitly and we can gently verbalize the lesson in a way they understand, too. Until I think my kids actually understand the judgment they make though (rather than parroting the complaints their siblings make) then I see no point in raising the moral issues, because they don't seem able to discriminate between an observation and a moral judgment. But yes, it's a fine line. |
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