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| Fear - how to work through? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 24 2009, 10:54 PM (435 Views) | |
| JaneK2 | Aug 24 2009, 10:54 PM Post #1 |
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I don't post here much (ok, not at all really since probably a couple years ago and even then, not much), but I have a question that I'm hoping for some advice on. My 5.5 year old daughter is terrified of Torah stories. We had to pull her out of our (conservative) shul's religious school program last year because of it. She is very sensitive and also seems to understand many things beyond her years. When they were discussing anything related to Hanukkah or Pesach (or really, anything with a scary component) she would get a "fight or flight" response - pupils dilating, hands over her ears, sometimes she'd scream too. She reads very well and has always surprised us with her intellectual capacity and understanding. Socially/emotionally she has trouble figuring out what appropriate responses are sometimes. That said, when she reads chapter books and they have "bad" or "scary" parts, she does not get nearly so upset about it. I pointed that out to her today, and she immediately told me, "But Mom, these books aren't real stories. This is all pretend." We are homeschooling her this year for various reasons, but we were hoping to still send her to our shul's religious ed. program. We know her teachers and they are both very sensitive/understanding, but I'm anticipating Rachel being terrified of everything she learns. We have talked about learning from mistakes and finding good in every situation but I'm at a loss for how to help her when she clearly understands what is/was real and what isn't. How do I tell her that what happened many years ago won't happen today? Or perhaps I'm overthinking my response because I don't feel like I can tell her absolutely that nothing bad will happen, you know? As an aside... is there somewhere on this forum or somewhere on the internet that someone could point me to what Modern Orthodox Jews believe or how they differ from "regular" Orthodox? (I know I've probably got that wrong and for that, I apologize!) Jane, mother to Rachel (5) and Anna (1) Edited by JaneK2, Aug 24 2009, 10:56 PM.
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| Marion | Aug 25 2009, 04:49 AM Post #2 |
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aishes chayil
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What makes you think MO believes anything different from "regular" Orthodox? To me MO IS regular orthodox, so I wonder if you're confusing something else. |
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| sauls_mom | Aug 25 2009, 05:02 AM Post #3 |
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Bala Buste
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marion- if you arent frum then her question is a good one. often people dont know the difference between the various levels of observance. i know i questioned what type/level of jew that had the ong beards/black hat vs other jews i knew who called themselves orthodox but clearly looked different. maybe she is just looking to explore the options of those who are more religious than conservative... |
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| JaneK2 | Aug 25 2009, 09:13 AM Post #4 |
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I'm sorry. I knew I wasn't going to word that correctly. I didn't mean to offend. :( We are trying to become more observant as we'd like to leave conservative Judaism. I'm not even sure how to say what I'm trying to say, so I think I will leave it at that since I really don't want to be offensive and I think now that I have been. Jane |
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| ElTam | Aug 25 2009, 09:26 AM Post #5 |
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Jane, Don't worry, I don't think you were offensive. I think in general, Modern Orthodox are more engaged in the world than yeshivish/black hat or chassidic Orthodox. I don't know that Jewish belief is different, but there is a different level/quality of engagement with the non-Orthodox world. I'm sure others will have other input. Regarding your original question, I would work with your daughter on understanding that while these stories are true, they happened a long time ago and don't pose any present danger to her. I would also work with her on relaxation techniques and things she can do to overcome her flight or fight response (self-talk, relaxation breathing, etc.). Her response is not just going to be to Torah stories, so preparing her to deal with anxiety with a whole is going to be a good investment. There are plenty of good books out there on the subject. I particularly like The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne. |
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| zuncompany | Aug 25 2009, 09:30 AM Post #6 |
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Administrator
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jane, what I think you will find is there is no set definition of what Modern Orthodoxy is. As for your daughter- we have this issue with Zu. We are very careful in how we explain things to him and what we tell him. At this point, he just doesn't need to know it all if it bothers him I am finding. I am praying as he matures he will be less sensitive or we will be in trouble! |
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| JaneK2 | Aug 25 2009, 02:25 PM Post #7 |
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Thank you. I think this is what I was trying to say/ask. And thanks for the workbook recommendation. I'll definitely look it up. I find that Rachel is much more able to cope with stories that she knows are pretend having scary things in them. Jane |
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| JaneK2 | Aug 25 2009, 02:27 PM Post #8 |
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So what do you do or have you done if this kind of situation comes up in a class setting or even just in discussion? Last year at Pesach, just mentioning "Pharoah" had Rachel in hysterics. She sat at our seder table with her hands over her years for most of it. :( Jane |
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| zuncompany | Aug 25 2009, 02:35 PM Post #9 |
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Another reason I am homeschooling Zu. I personally try to phrase things carefully so I focused last year not on Pharoh but the Jewish people and the "heros" Moshe and G-d. |
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| JaneK2 | Aug 25 2009, 03:17 PM Post #10 |
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That's a part of why we are homeschooling this year as well. I was hoping to send her to our shul's religious ed. program on Sunday mornings, but I'm open to pulling her out if need be. I do try to be careful with how I phrase things but her comprehension is well beyond her years. She's 5.5 but reads at probably a 5th or 6th grade level, and while I try to give her only appropriate reading material, I'm often surprised at the depth of her understanding. My husband and I are hoping to sit down soon to talk about things so we can come up with some other ideas for how to help her cope with things. Do you have any suggestions for Jewish homeschooling resources by any chance? Jane |
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| chavamom | Aug 25 2009, 04:29 PM Post #11 |
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Bala Buste
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chinuch.org is a great resource. There is also a listserve for homeschooling parents - I'm sure someone can point you to it. I've forgotten where to find it. |
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| JaneK2 | Aug 25 2009, 05:57 PM Post #12 |
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Thank you, I will check that out! :) Jane |
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