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| Absolutely Livid - Help! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 30 2009, 12:54 PM (1,082 Views) | |
| Marion | Sep 30 2009, 12:54 PM Post #1 |
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aishes chayil
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Short background: DS#1 has a language delay. He may/may not have other issues; the "assessment" done over a year ago has a long list, most of which I've never seen at home. The assessment was done without our consent, and lasted a whopping 90 minutes. Based on this assessment DS was placed in special ed for gan this year. I grudgingly went along with this because 1) it was important to DH, 2) it meant he would get speech therapy in class instead of having to both shlep him and pay for it, and 3) chinuch meyuchad is free and they introduced a huge fee for 3 year old (non-mandatory) gan. DS is not toilet trained. Not for lack of trying, and not because he's not ready, but because the daycare couldn't be bothered to be helpful. We've been trying since last Succot, and he's really, really almost there. It was my intention to finish it up over chol hamoed when we're home and be done with it. In a conversation about other topics last week with the classroom assistant I mentioned this in passing and she said "oh, well, why wait? Send him already tomorrow in underwear with changes of clothes". So last Thursday I sent him in underwear with 5 changes of clothes. He came home with 2 sets that were soiled. Fine, no problem. Friday he came home with one set. Shabbat, Sunday, YK no gan. YK we were not home, and the only time he "missed" was when he couldn't get his pants off fast enough. I adjusted the waistbands (Children's Place) and sent him off to gan yesterday with changes of clothes and a Pull-Up for the afternoon program. I got a note saying he'd pooped everywhere and they'd put him in a diaper. Fine. Today I put his "pee pee treats" (goldfish crackers) in his backpack and wrote a long note to the teacher and assistant about what we were doing about treats at home and the progress made. Sometime this morning I got a phone call from the assistant. DS apparently pooped everywhere then went to town with the new art medium and she wasn't going to change him, I could come do it. She also said it was already 1/2 an hour since he pooped, and she hadn't done anything about it yet. Me: Um, I'm at work. I'm not coming to gan to change his clothes. Her: Well, it's not my job. That's how it's done in the ganim, it's the parent's responsibility, don't you know that? Me: No, I don't know that. He's my oldest child, I've never had a child in gan before. Her: Well I can't change diapers/clothes and help the gannenet at the same time. There are 4 kids [out of 9] in diapers and 2 are autistic and I can't do everything. Me: I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. It's one more day to Succot when I said I was going to do it. You told me it was okay not to wait. Her: Well, I was wrong. And I'm going to my supervisor after gan today to complain so letters are going out saying they have to be trained and I'm not a diaper changer. It's not my job. Me: So you're going to just leave him in his dirty pants and underwear and then what? The bus won't let him on like that. He's in tzaharon (afternoon program)...you'll hope the bus will take him and the counsellor at the tzaharon will deal with it? Her: I can't change him. Me: Well, you're going to have to change him because I'm not coming (an hour plus out of my day to go change a set of clothes????). Her: Well, OK...but tomorrow you'll send him in diapers. Me: No, I won't. The daycare refusing to take him except in diapers is how we got here, and I won't put him back in a diaper when he's made such good progress. That's the point of the gan, to help them advance. Maybe he's fighting something, doing it on purpose? Because he doesn't do this at home, he didn't do it when we were away over YK, he didn't do it at "camp", he doesn't do this in tzaharon, and even last year at the beginning he didn't do such a thing in the daycare. Accidents yes, disgusting no. Her: I guess it's possible, some kids do it on purpose when they're upset. Fine, I'll change him. <<click>> When I picked him up from tzaharon today the counsellor told me he got off the bus and was walking like he was drunk. The security guard had to pick him up and carry him into the gan. Yael took him and he cuddled into her shoulder. She tried to put him down because she wanted to make sure he was okay; he was white and wouldn't stand. One of the kids who he's attached to came over and started to involve DS and after 10-15 minutes DS started getting back to himself. WHAT THE **** HAPPENED IN GAN THIS MORNING????? DS is NOT a child who takes time to acclimatize to things. The counsellor in the tzaharon knows him since last December, so she knew that something was wrong. Beyond speaking with the gannenet, which I will do very shortly, how do I handle this? We already have an appointment with the supervisor of the ganim for the end of October, because my Mommy-gut wasn't happy with the placement. But I went on Friday morning and was reassured by what I saw so I was actually going to drop it. But now I want him OUT! |
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| zuncompany | Sep 30 2009, 01:04 PM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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Personally, I would demand the meeting now. Tomorrow morning. Something sounds very very off. btw- have you had his hearing checked as well as his tonsils/adenoids? |
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| Marion | Sep 30 2009, 01:14 PM Post #3 |
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aishes chayil
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Yes, we had his hearing checked. We put in tubes last year and his ears are now clear. We have another hearing test scheduled after Succot, just to confirm that there is no longer an issue. Tonsils/adenoids were checked before the tubes went in, since they figured if they needed to come out it could all be done at once. It wasn't necessary. |
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| zuncompany | Sep 30 2009, 01:16 PM Post #4 |
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Got it. Zu we had some of these issues with with the training and 6 weeks after his adenoids got taken out bam- he was trained overnight with no fuss. The potty training trouble and your mention of ST made me think of it. Is this a private gan? |
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| Marion | Sep 30 2009, 02:17 PM Post #5 |
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aishes chayil
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Public gan. |
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| zuncompany | Sep 30 2009, 03:03 PM Post #6 |
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Administrator
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are there not laws to protect him? |
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| Marion | Sep 30 2009, 03:32 PM Post #7 |
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aishes chayil
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Sure there are...but I don't know what I'm supposed to be protecting him FROM at this point. One of my friends actually suggested that maybe he stole a piece of Bamba or something like that on the bus on the way to tzaharon and that the pale/shaky was an allergic reaction. I hadn't even THOUGHT of that...the bus company is probably the only "person" I didn't think to tell about the allergy because to me the bus is not related to a food activity. I'm going to have to call the bus company tomorrow morning. |
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| zuncompany | Sep 30 2009, 04:28 PM Post #8 |
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smart thinking. |
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| hallie_ari_mom | Sep 30 2009, 04:35 PM Post #9 |
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Rebbetzin
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Get there and find out what is going on ASAP. If the teacher gets increasingly frustrated with him, she's only going to take it out in him. He's a baby.. he doesn't have the coping skills to deal with this kind of an adult. If my 3 year old was in this situation, I'd pull him. I happen to have a back up school at the moment in case something like this happens. My ds is also like 90% trained, but not 100%. He has accidents and can't always get his pants down.. or whatever the issue... I'd absolutely die if I knew he was in some way being neglected in school or uncomfortable in dirty pants. I never let my kids sit in it for even a second. I can't handle it. I'm so upset for your son! |
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| mummy | Sep 30 2009, 08:58 PM Post #10 |
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aishes chayil
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Oh hell no! I would be up there with the director in a heart beat and threatening to complain to whatever authority available. While he is in their care, they are responsible. What if an older child simply had an accident - all the toilets were being used and they couldnt hold on? They are supposed to sit in their own poop all day? This woman needs to get a job in a different field. Wow, I would be soooo livid. On a more practical note - I would be demanding to see the charter/contract/policy whatever it is the gan has. Find the issue of diapers/children having accidents. Find where it supposedly says parents must leave work to change their children if they have an accident. My guess is that it doesnt exist. Then I would demand to have the teacher involved brought into the conversation and I would be asking why the gan thinks it is not staff members jobs to assist toilet-training aged kids with toilet training (why arent they taking him every 30 mins or so, for example - my kids gan/kindies have all had in writing that they are HAPPY to assist with toilet training, what does your gan have?) and whether it is now policy that children who have accidents must sit in their own faeces/urine all day. If it is, have they advertised that fact to the parents? I would also be very bluntabout your son's behaviour after the event that afternoon and what they gan intend to do to ensure he never comes home so distressed again. And I would seriously look into making a formal complaint - if nothing else about the specific teacher. If you were found to be training your child to go to the toilet by leaving them in their poop for hours if they had an accident you'd likely have some interesting government involvement in your home life pretty damn quick - isnt it considered abuse? |
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| shortcake | Sep 30 2009, 09:09 PM Post #11 |
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aishes chayil
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deal with it right away...we just had an issue- DS1 started pre-1 this year in a new school and in the first 2 weeks of school had 2 accidents (wet) nevermind that last year in kindergarten he didn't have any...so i ask him if he knows where the restroom is- yes- so why did he wet his pants? apperently when he told his morah he needed to go, she told him to wait and hold it 'till they finished learning, and he couldn't... :ouch :ouch :tantrum :burn then he tells me mommy i didn't like having to wear my wet stinky clothes all day (yup- teacher never called me and told DS too bad cuz threr was no change of clothes for him so when he gets home his mommy will change him :crazy ) |
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| mummy | Sep 30 2009, 09:22 PM Post #12 |
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aishes chayil
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What is with these cruel kindies? If my kids didnt have a change of clothes, the teacher would get something from their box of spare kindy clothes. Urine can burn little kids skin!! |
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| Marion | Sep 30 2009, 10:41 PM Post #13 |
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aishes chayil
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I'm going to be speaking with the bus company this morning...I think I need to rule out something on the bus before I go back to the gannenet and tell her I think she's lying. (When I spoke with her last night she said he was fine when he left.) Of course, if something happened on the bus I want to know why no one bothered notifying me (or the tzaharon/guard for that matter!). |
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| Zeesachaya | Sep 30 2009, 10:53 PM Post #14 |
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Rebbetzin
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Marion I am sooooo upset for you. I know how hard it is to be a working mom and truly not able to drop everything and run to your child, it makes this situation even more difficult because you have placed the ultimate trust of your child in a woman who you are now unsure of. I truly hope you can sort through it all and will find out what happened. |
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| rikal | Oct 1 2009, 02:41 AM Post #15 |
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Rebbetzin
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Marion - experienced mother speaking. Some kids don't get breakfast so they eat their lunch on the bus, others get handed bamba or vaffele to get them out the door without a fuss. The bus is a place where kids eat at every age level. Gannenot are taught in the professional part of sem that you DO NOT change soiled clothes. Kids must be 100% trained before entering regular gan. I have no idea on spec ed policy, it must be more lenient. In a regular gan no gannenet will change a kid but most ozerets will change pish and the gan often asks that an extra pair of underwear be sent, especially when kids are newly trained or not used to being out of the house and away from their familiar bathroom. In a regular gan almost nobody will change a cukked diaper. There are so many muscle control and comprehension issues in a spec ed gan that I think its ridiculous to transfer that policy to them. Maybe they should hire the equivalent of a nurse's aid instead of a regular ozeret. Is your child cared for by banot sherut at all? Some of them are marvelous, none of them knowledgeable and they are less likely to do this. Gannenot are taught that they do not clean, wash dishes, change diaper or sponja, ever. That is the ozeret's job. |
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