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| Closeted Or Repressed Behaviors; As Requested | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 6 2008, 04:01 PM (5,045 Views) | |
| Opee | Oct 6 2008, 04:01 PM Post #1 |
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If you ever were, or currently are, in the closet, how did/do you behave socially? What I mean by that is along the lines of: Did/do you deliberately do anything to maintain a perception of being hetero? (More lateral than dating guys, if you please) Or react defensively/ aggressively/however towards gay people or subject matter? |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 04:57 PM Post #2 |
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I used to ignore and be rude to attractive girls, actually I still do that now i'm out of the closet |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:07 PM Post #3 |
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Why? You dont like attractive girls? |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:11 PM Post #4 |
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i've been with my partner for 10yrs and i've had jobs come and go and most of my co-workers never knew. I'm the type that separates my work life and my private life..they never mix. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:15 PM Post #5 |
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I'm a butt aficionado. Even though I've seen one client day in, day out for a year, I still can't help but look at her butt. Mmm. I try to be subtle about it to not give myself away. Same with looking at boobies. I also talk about ex-boyfriends, who actually existed. But I keep my love for females to myself. I experimented by casually mentioning I have dreams about women at a palm reading class over ten years ago, and asked the teacher if I was gay (I know, I know...) and two of the students immediately retracted and were grossed out by me. They were warm and friendly up to this point, now I was a leper. I try to be careful when talking about other women, like celebs, to frame it as "she's really pretty", rather than "god, she's so hot". Trying to make it appear like noticing attractiveness rather than lust. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:20 PM Post #6 |
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Also, when others talk about how hot a woman is, I act like I'm just being made aware of that, and say thoughtfully, Yeah, I guess she is. I do occasionally throw caution to the wind. There was this butt at a huge grocery outlet, and I decided I didn't care if I was caught looking, because I wanted a good, full look, not a subtle glance. SO I took a good look and she noticed and was REALLY put off. She looked like a conservative Christian. Well, it's not my fault she had a hot ass! |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:29 PM Post #7 |
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I have a lot in common with 4:15, except the palm reading thing. I try not to be obvious with my checking out other women but I think some people realize. I mean I'm repressed so I can't help looking at the boobies and tight asses. I've had a few at work point out attractive women - kinda subtly like doesn't see have a nice body. I don't know if they are fishing but I think people do wonder what way I go. I mention ex-boyfriends that do exist to deflect a little but I never bring up fake ones or date men just for appearances. I look at porn alot (thanks to the thread here) and masterbate a lot. It's hard to meet actual women when in the closet but I hope to. I may not stay closeted if I met someone. I just see no reason to complicate my life if I'm not getting any action. I come off as very gay friendly. I've been a faghag to the boys before so I embrace the culture. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:34 PM Post #8 |
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i am trying to be honest as much as i can i do not hide hide i am gay. just none ask. i do not telling myself . i am ready to tell parents straightly. i haven't told yet because i live separate and never had much reason to start conversation fist. close friends i guess knows themselves. if someone says anything homophobic - i do remark. of course its difficult at work. i was working with not young women. but there were always men around me trying to get my attention. and i liked flirting with them . so i just let women at work speculate about this. i have never was with men just to hide i am gay. i like flirting with guys and like guys not so much as i like girls :) |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 05:38 PM Post #9 |
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and about my behavior with women ... i do flirting with woman if i like her. can't control myself :) but it is not aggressive. just giggling and i noticed recently i am staring at bums and breast all the time trying to control myself when i am not alone :) |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 06:27 PM Post #10 |
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When I was younger I always felt like I jumped 10 ft whenever anything to do with being gay came up, like in school - health class, literature etc - gee for some reason I felt like they were talking directly to me. So I always tried to act or talk around it in a very disinterested or intellectual way - like, that's-fascinating-but-doesn't-apply-to-me. |
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| puppet | Oct 6 2008, 06:36 PM Post #11 |
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I said homo jokes when I didn't know I was gay, but specifically about lesbians.... not really mean ones but I was like, how do lesbians have sex... like this *and mimicked just slapping my hands together* this actually made my first girlfriend think I wasn't gay, but she soon showed me the light. When I was in the closet, holy hell I was awful. I made out with guys a lot. That was pretty much it, I kept it a secret but my one compensation was still going out with guys a little bit. Both of which I'm choosing to blame on my right wing conservative upbrining... except honestly that's still probably not a good excuse, and I'm totally ashamed of my behaviour in hindsight. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 06:39 PM Post #12 |
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^This reminds me of the other day in my class. The teacher started talking about "gaze" and I perked up got nervous all of a sudden because I thought he kept saying "gays". |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 07:45 PM Post #13 |
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I'm out to friends, family, at work. Some people at work still don't know, but it's because I've never had the opportunity to tell them, or that nobody has told them yet. I don't lead an advertising campaign of my private life, but my homosexuality is not a secret any more. I've never been ashamed to be gay, and at this point of my life (I'm 30 y.o, and have known for the last 15 years I was gay) I'm proud to be gay. I'm proud of my community, its culture and history, even if everything is not perfect. And I thank every day those who have fight and in some case, died, to enjoy the freedom we have today, and those who are still fighting, especially in countries where being gay can lead you to being killed, raped, beaten or sentenced to prison. Question is: why am I still single???? ;) |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 07:56 PM Post #14 |
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I don't stare at butts or boobies too much, it's just rude. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 08:05 PM Post #15 |
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I have a quick question... Prior to "coming out", if you were attracted to a woman, did you ever treat her rudely or refuse to see her, etc? It's kind of like if I push HER away, the "problem", i.e., my true orientation, will go away with her... |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 09:40 PM Post #16 |
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In high school I essentially never pursued friendships at all because most of my interests (as in, people I found interesting) were rooted in attraction. (I went to an all girls school.) |
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| Penelope Cruz | Oct 6 2008, 10:37 PM Post #17 |
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I pretended to date a midget. |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2008, 10:41 PM Post #18 |
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^ I was going to say WTF, then I saw the name. Great!!! |
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| puppet | Oct 7 2008, 12:41 AM Post #19 |
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I know you're probably not asking me, but I'm going to answer anyways. I had these like intense friendships with girls... like very into them, high ups and downs, very weird, like in several of my friendships sometimes people told us to get a room, or would say we were "married" but at this time i had absolutely no sexual interest in them (or I don't believe I did) In hindsight there were like 3 girls who I had such relationships with before the 4th of the same kind eventually involved into a sexual relationship (so my first girfriend was at the beginning of grade 12, so these prior ones occured in grade 10/11), and with these three girls, I kind of feel that if any of them were gay and had said something to me about being with them, I probably would've gone for it. For my first one of these I definitely avoided her at all costs, and it stopped developing, the second I don't know, I was kind of her bitch, and the third, we were extremely rude to each other and fought all the time. Honestly though it wasn't conscious, and I don't know if I acted that way because I was being repressive and hated subconsciously feeling that way, or I just had this instinct that was like of fear. But what is really weird about it is all these girls really indulged me, actually not even indulged, they were right there with me in the craziness that was our friendship, so it's weird and there was tension, so yea... I don't think I've said anything, I'm kind of just rambling, but I'm so interested in your question because sometimes I think about what would've happened if I knew I was gay when I was friends with any of these earlier girls. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 12:57 AM Post #20 |
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^^ Your answer actually helps, "puppet". There is definite sexual tension in my friendship. We keep stopping and starting up again as friends. The first time, I refused to take her calls because I was in denial that I was attracted to her after she hit on me. Then, after a couple of years, we saw each other and the attraction was immediately as intense as ever. She has acted like a real "b" this time around and in fact, told me she doesn't want to talk to me any more. This was after I came on to her which she refuses to even talk about. It's a mess. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 01:10 AM Post #21 |
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I was sort of like that with friendships with some of my girl friends when I was little, but I thought it was just normal friend stuff...like: I felt irrational dislike for other girls my best friend close to - not general friends, I mean girls who muscled in on the 'best-friend' closeness. I pretty much would do anything for them. I really longed for a 'special, intense connection' with them, which I termed 'being soulmates'. I thought they were really pretty, I idolised them albeit in a totally subconscious way. I would buy them pretty expensive (for a kid) birthday gifts. It was all very innocent and non-sexual though - til later years and the hormones kicked in. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 01:32 AM Post #22 |
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While in denial, I talked about guys occasionally. Once I realized that I was a total lez, I just stopped talking about guys and no one seemed to notice. I wasn't really close to anyone I knew in school, so none of us really talked about boys or crushes that often anyway. I don't think anyone really caught on to it except for this gay guy in one of my classes. I was obsessed with eventually coming out to him so we could be secret gay buddies, but he ended up asking me first in the middle of class, which caught me off guard. I freaked a little and said "No!", and then I was just too embarrassed by my cowardice to set the record straight later on. Either way, I was very openly gay-friendly, and I started dropping hints to some of my friends around the end of my senior year. So in summation, I guess I acted pretty much normally, if incredibly reserved. I denied it once and still feel like an asshole for that. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 02:57 AM Post #23 |
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I had crushes on girls since I was 12, but never really knew what that meant. I was in a Catholic school in a conservative country where terms like "gay" and "lesbian" weren't whispered in respectable circles then. But I definitely had these "intense" friendships with girls. Circa Grade 10 and there was this really, really cute girl who started showing interest in me. She would strike up a conversation with me, give me a flirty smile, and I often caught her looking at me. But, because I was so into her and didn't understand why I was so into her, I pushed her even further away. Never talked to her properly, was quite mean to her. She probably hates me now :( |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 05:54 AM Post #24 |
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I got really drunk and made out with guys to prove I was straight. I refused to attend any gay or gay-sponsored events at my school, even though my friends who were actually straight allies would go as a group. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 06:22 AM Post #25 |
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Yeah, this is me too. Except for the denying part. I've actually never denied being gay. I never talk about guys or allude to me being straight or gay. I think my friends think I'm asexual or something, not that I'm incredibly close with any of them anyway. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 06:48 AM Post #26 |
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Sort of in the same vein - when I was a teenager I started withdrawing from my friends a bit, both emotionally and physically (I stopped hugging them, wouldn't cuddle up to them etc). I think because I wasn't comfortable with same-sex attraction, combined with not feeling 'right' to be attracted to friends/blurring that line. So if I pushed them away, I didn't have to think about it. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 06:59 AM Post #27 |
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^^ That wasn't so much an issue for me as a teen. I liked my friends, but was not sexually attracted to them. I noticed a same sex attraction in a big way when I was in my early twenties. Then, many pieces of the puzzle started to fit. I freaked because I didn't want to be "different", and told myself the right guy would come along.... ha! NOT!!!! |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 07:10 AM Post #28 |
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It's interesting to hear about how those in denial push away the women that tempt them. I have done it, and had it done to me. I imagine everyone needs to reconcile their orientation in their own way. It is very difficult to wait because maybe it will never happen for the one you'd like to see the light. Women can live in denial forever I guess. Get married, get divorced, have kids and boyfriends and so on. |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 07:22 AM Post #29 |
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thats me i can't stop thinking about someone. i still love her like crazy. we became friends very quickly. first months was like in heaven. but then problems started. she had ( and still) boyfriend. he started jealous her and still. i am closet and i can't say 100% she is gay but i sure. we were stopping and starting our "friendship" over and over. without any reason. without discussing anything there is to much tension between us people at work always looked at us with interest. we really were inseparated i even was happy to date for a while with one guy not be looking too much gay. i really liked him but got bored quickly last time i saw her on the beach. her eyes. thy tell about everything. she was excited. she was in mood... but i called her in the evening and she did not answer and did not recall. and i deleted her phone number. she still did not contact me ( two month) when there are a lot of her warm clothes at my place. but she still did not get them and it is getting cold outside and i still believe she contact me again asking forgive her for everything and at that time i will talk honestly |
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| Guest | Oct 7 2008, 07:25 AM Post #30 |
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^^get a blog |
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