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The Weekly Lamp Post™; Of Ostentia, Issue 11
Topic Started: Nov 23 2007, 02:00 PM (115 Views)
Pokemaniac John
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Mister Speaker
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Headlines Today: Miners Facing Redundancy!
-Pokemaniac John


Recently, Oredian Minerals Co. made the announcement that it was "rapidly scaling back operations in Ostentia". As no other companies have made bids for the closing mines, it has fallen to the government to deal with the situation. It seems highly likely that the government may propose legislation nationalising the mines, as The F&V=P Party™ are known to be in favour of nationalisation. As the other major party, the Boo Party, are also in favour of nationalisation, it would be unlikely that said legislation would meet much opposition in Parliament should it be proposed.

Prime Minister Pokemaniac John told us that "Nationalisation does seem to be the best way foward. I am currently preparing a bill which would nationalise the mines set to close down."


In Other News: Fairy's Secrets Revealed; Boo Cleaner Gains Popularity
-Pokemaniac John

Respected MP DMHowe recently highlighted the shady practices of Exilian company Fairy, who produce the popular cleaning product Fairy Washing Up Liquid. The following is what DMHowe had to say about Fairy:

DMHowe on the subject of Fairy
 
Fairy Liquid.

Casual washing up device?
Or huge, murderous conspiracy?

The second.

For years, we have all washed up our pots and pans with the humble green liquid in cheer. For it got rid of those tough bits and scrubbed wonderfully.

But under this useful device, there is a darker side.

Fairly liquidation.

Like a fairly holocaust, fairies are being rounded up and ground down into a fine powder, which is then mixed with water to form the liquid.

Ever day, poor fairy children grow up without a mother and father. Fairy babies are left to die, for they are yet to develop the cleaning magic. Just imagine... one day, giant people pull the roof off your house, pick you up and throw you in a giant sack with the other poor fellows doomed to be killed.
That is reality for our poor, tiny brothers.
Many fairies aided in the discovery of things we take for granted. Without fairies, the magic of Christmas would just be a cold time where brats beg for toys.
Autumn's beautiful leaves would just be a damned pain and needed to be cleaned up.
Summer would just be inconvenient, as we need to buy sun tan lotion to not get cancer.
The magic of a lamb being born would just be a disgusting process.

Already, these magics are breaking down, and we begin to see the reality and become miserable.

Please pledge just £2 a month, and together we can save the world.

Remember: Fairies are people too.

As a result of this shocking secret being uncovered, many people have stopped using Fairy and now use Boo Cleaner, a washing up liquid created by Boo Labs. Neither Fairy or Boo Labs have commented on this.


Weekly Lamp Post™ Of Ostentia, © Pokemaniac Publishing ltd. All rights reserved.
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HRH King Zog II
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Waffler of the House of Boreds
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Preliminary tests from the Exilian board of health have shown the cleaner to have unusually high moustache levels.
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Cieran
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Should-like-totally-be-the Prime Minister
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Well of course it does 0_o. It's got lots of little tiny mustaches in it which brush everything down, the detergent itself can then act much more easily ^_^...
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