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| Dave Goss here - Please help me | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 22 2007, 08:02 AM (1,344 Views) | |
| Kerr Avon | Mar 22 2007, 08:02 AM Post #1 |
Senior Member
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Hi good buddies - ol' Gossy here. It sure is kinda embarrising for me to post this, but I guess it's my duty as a nephew of good ol' Uncle Sam. Unfortunately, what with me being so dumb an' all, I've plum forgot my password and username, so I'm calling to you all from Kerr Avon's account, him being kind enough to lend me his password an' all. Gettin right down to the possum in the pie, as I know you good folks have plenty to do before sundown, I guess I owe you good folks an apology. Shoot, why don't I just up and say it? See, I reckon ol' Kerr Avon was plum right when he declared that I ain't never played Perfect Dark. I tried, I surely have, but darned if I could work out how to get the Perfect Dark cartridge into the N64. And so I took to heaping abuse on Perfect Dark at every opportunity, just to cover up my shamefull failure to get the darned thing up and running. So this morning I took it into my head to get the danged thing running if it killed me. And I'll be a jackal's right paw if I didn't get that doggon PilotWings 64 cartridge clean out of the N64! And it only took me four or five hours. Just goes to show what you can accomplish with a little determination and a goodly set of teeth. Though I'll tell a man, my teeth do surely hurt from biting on the PilotWings cartridge to get it out. And then some. Anyhoo, I have some questions for you good folk at your fancy website thingy: Question 1. How do I get the Perfect Dark cartridge in? I guess I've tried everything, but so far nothing has worked. Below are some photos I took on my fancy new cam-era thingy for you folks to cast your eyes over and tell me what you think: For some reason, this didn't work:  This looked right, but I guess not:  I really thought I had it this time:  Guess'n' I was wrong. Can any of you good buddies tell a man where he's a going wrong? I'll be plum grateful for any help with this here problem. Question 2. Seeing as how these new fangled "cartridge" thingies each contain a game, if I were to cut two cartidges in half, and stick half of one cartridge to half on a different cartridge, would that make a new dang game? Same as the two old games, but mixed together? And would I have to use glue or nails? Question 3. Was you fellas aware that you can play Resident Evil 4 on that there Nintendo 64. You surely can. That know-it-all Kerr Avon said it wasn't possible, but I'll be a dumb polecat if it ain't. I done tried it anyway and darned if the whole kit an' caboodle didn't work. Simply fix up the N64 like yonder:  and switch on the N64, and it works. I'll tell a man, that Kerr Avon fellow still said it didn't work! I said to him, I said "look, bo', the red light is on, and so is the TV screen". Course he wouldn't admit he was wrong. Not him. He tried to wriggle out of it like a possum out of a tar pit, by saying "There's nothing on the screen, it's just black, it means that the N64 hasn't booted, because there's no cartridge present". Can you believe that? Doesn't it get you right there? So I said to the Limey, "Well of course the screen's black, it's a zombie game. Any second now a zombie'll come out of the darkness at me, and I'll shoot it, but ol' Avon, he just laughed and went off with some girls to have sex. What a loser. Having sex (whatever that is) when he could be playing a computer game instead. I do have to admit, though, that this Resident Evil 4 sure is boring. It surely is. Four hours of play, and I've not seen a single zombie. In fact there's been nothing on the screen at all apart from darkness. Not that I'm complaining. Oh no, not little me. I've never survived for four hours in a game before. Or even four minutes. Dang it, four seconds would be a record. So I'm as happy as a racoon who's just married a rich racoon. I'll tell a man. But listen up, good buddies, afore I sign off there's one thing I have to declare; seems some low down snake has got a hold of my username and password here and I'm kinda worried that he might post on these here forums, pretending to be me. If he does, and you'll know that it's him 'cause he'll say that this post isn't by me (the real Dave Goss) then please delete that rat's post quicker than a possum up a tree when a snake comes calling. Now have a good day, y'all. |
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| Deleted User | Mar 22 2007, 12:13 PM Post #2 |
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 I sure hope that impersonator with Dagoss's account shows up. 
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| Mop it up | Mar 22 2007, 12:57 PM Post #3 |
Forum Urban Legend
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I think I've just witnessed a feud so incomprehensibly deep, it makes StYoung and Ragedy seem like friends. |
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| dagoss | Mar 22 2007, 01:40 PM Post #4 |
Smarty Pants
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Wow. The fact that you probably wasted an hour or more typing out that post (and even taking pictures) is all the victory I really need. And you already pulled this gag in a post over on GameFAQs some months ago. Are you running out of original ideas? I don't think this feud is a year old and we're already seeing repeats. |
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| sweetpea | Mar 22 2007, 02:29 PM Post #5 |
Newbie
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not funny dude. I just wasted my time reading that. Got better things to do or read
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| dataDyne | Mar 22 2007, 02:44 PM Post #6 |
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Forum Dinosaur!
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That was mildly funny, in an almost embarrassing way.
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Give this man a fish, and he can throw it up eleven times -alxbly PSN: LifeIsPreachy Mario Kart Wii: 0088 - 2869 - 9843 | |
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| StYoung | Mar 22 2007, 02:59 PM Post #7 |
Elite
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I thought it was very funny and clever. One of the top posts here recently if I may say so. If you want to talk about wasting you time, don't come here to discuss video games, as video games are a waste of time. The fact that Kerr Avon took the pictures just added to the richness of the post. I had a good laugh at a few of the pictures. Its much better than me and Ragedy. All I do is call him three years old and make clever rhymes to make his name sound like "vagina" or "fag". |
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| StYoung | Mar 22 2007, 03:02 PM Post #8 |
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Elite
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And sweetpea, if you thought it was so unfunny why did you read through the whole thing? Considering you have so many better things to "read" on the internet, why would you continue with the post when the first paragraph made it blatantly obvious that it was a spoof on Goss? |
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| dagoss | Mar 22 2007, 03:40 PM Post #9 |
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Smarty Pants
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S/he probably read the whole thing simply because it was about me. That's the one saving grace about Kerr Avon's unprovoked attacks -- they are at least about such an elevate subject as myself. |
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| StYoung | Mar 22 2007, 04:02 PM Post #10 |
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Elite
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Well, I also read everything about the ever adorable Goss. Plus, Kerr Avon dissed me so he's not cool anymore.
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| stinger9142 | Mar 22 2007, 10:55 PM Post #11 |
Endure and survive...
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well that was entertaining. nice pics to go along with the farce... |
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| Kerr Avon | Mar 23 2007, 09:37 AM Post #12 |
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Senior Member
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Dave Goss here again, and danged if I still ain't remembered my password, must be all that Moonshine I was drinking (well, Dr Pepper, but it still gets me good 'n' drunk). So I'm a posting under ol' Avon's name again. And whoa there, good buddies, stop your arguing - it wasn't my intention to set the possum among the polecats. I was just saying, is all, that I had some questions for you good people regarding this fancy N64 thing of mine. Anyhoo, I see that some varmint has indeed posted here claiming to be me. His post reads: >Wow. The fact that you probably wasted an hour or more typing out that post (and even taking pictures) is all the victory I really need. >And you already pulled this gag in a post over on GameFAQs some months ago. Are you running out of original ideas? I don't think this feud is a year old and we're already seeing repeats. This low down dirty snake gives himself away by the way he posts. Not only does he go for a full post without either praising Pilot Wings 64 (the only N64 game I've ever played, and it's the best N64 game ever, I say), or criticising Perfect Dark, but ain't no trace whatsover of the ol' Dave Goss ego in that post. Shoot, it wouldn't fool a new born jack rabbit that didn't know night from day, that post wouldn't. Anyway, afore I leave you good folks I've another question to add to my list (shoot - I hope I ain't imposing on you here). Has it kinda occured to you that the reason that all N64 game cartridges look the same is because they are the same? I mentioned it to Zeke, Bubba, Zeke, and Zeke, and they plum agreed with me. In fact, seeing as how the only difference between each cartridge is the label on it, it occurs to me that maybe it's the label that lets the cartridge know which game to play. So if we was to write a different label on the N64 then seems to me that we'd have ourselves that there game instead. So I done scratched the label off of my Banjo Kazooie game, and wrote Halo on it instead (in crayon, 'cos that's all the dang doctors here let me use, they won't tust me with something sharp like a pen or pencil, not after the carrot incident). And what do you know, the next thing I know, I was playing Halo on my N64! I have to admit, I was disappointed with the game though. I'd heard that Halo had more action than a racoon in a whirl-wind, but what with everything being black an' all, I couldn't see a damn thing. And there was no sound. Just a black screen. Same as dog-gone Resident Evil 4. I reckon them low down varmints who make computy games just gave the new name "Halo" to the old game "Resident Evil 4", and hoped that no-one would notice. Well, here's one fella who surely did, and I'm all fire riled up about it, I can tell you. Anyway, if the mood strikes you to try out my idea for yourself, here's the dog-gorn photos I took: This is the Banjo Kazooie cartridge, afore I scratched off the label:  And this is my N64 with the "Banjo Kazzoie" cartridge, that now says "Halo" on it, plugged in:  Though I'm telling you, that there Halo might sound all fancy and possum like, but it's boring, is what it is, black screen an' all. Anyhoo, I'm off now. But don't go away yet, here's ol Kerr himself to talk to you. Yeah, thanks Dave. Just a few comments: @Mop, it's not really a feud - when I'm a regular on a board and the posts are slow that day (and I'm bored), I sometimes post some amusing (I hope) rubbish, aimed at someone else, just to get a laugh. I only aim at people who've demonstrated a sense of humour, as otherwise they think I'm serious and war breaks out. And I keep on at Dave as he takes it well, and sometimes hits back sarcastically (though not so much here as at Gamefaqs, for some reason?). @sweetpea, sorry you wasted your precious time, but if your time is so valuable, then why waste it on a video games site? And feel free to ignore my all of my posts in the future. @StYoung, I wasn't "diss"ing you, just adding you to my list of friendly targets (feel free to have a go at me, as Dave does to his psychiatrist), a list which sweetpea won't be on, nor will alxbly, not because alxbly doesn't have a sense of humour, of course, but because he has suffered enough. I mean, if he'd been born only a few hundred miles south then he'd have been English. Yet the poor bloke wasn't, and he's never gotten over it. |
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2007, 11:17 AM Post #13 |
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It's a hard life being alxbly.
 Being Scottish isn't so bad. It could be much worse... like if I had Manchester to the east and Liverpool to the west... now that would be unbearable!
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| StYoung | Mar 23 2007, 11:49 AM Post #14 |
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Elite
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Yeah, I figured you were joking (though most of the post are indeed quite lackluster) by the smiley face at the end. I just felt like using the word "diss" for some reason. |
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| dagoss | Mar 23 2007, 02:02 PM Post #15 |
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Smarty Pants
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Kerr, we need to get you a hobby. If you took all the time you have spent with this unfounded attacks on me and Goose, the feathered lord of all creation, you could probably single handedly build a Gothic cathedral or write England's next epic poem. But instead when historians are reading about N64forever, they'll only be thinking about "hey, this David Goss fellow is brilliant!" ... why does everyone keep calling me Dave!? There's an Id in there too. By the way, your command of the American vernacular is spectacular. The only thing less uncultured than being Scottish is being American. |
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| sweetpea | Mar 23 2007, 02:03 PM Post #16 |
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sorry if i offened anybody didn't mean to. It was obvious it was a spoof and yes i saw the humour in it. i wasn't really serious i enjoying ready the post on nintendo 64 forever some of you guys are actually funny. maybe next time i won't sound so serious. I am sorry. i feel really ambarrassed 
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2007, 02:59 PM Post #17 |
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That would have been waaaayyyy more effective without the typo.
Sorry Dave, that's probably my fault for calling you Dave all the time. I'll try to remember to call you Dave instead. Oh, wait...
Don't worry about that, you're a member of the team now. You see, you're not really a member until StYoung has had a go at you... which may or may not involve him watching you 24-7 and parking a van outside your house.  Just kidding. 
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| dagoss | Mar 23 2007, 03:01 PM Post #18 |
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Smarty Pants
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(Folks, he's not kidding!) P.S. If there are any typos in my poasts, it is because Alxbly edited them and put the typos there. |
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2007, 03:10 PM Post #19 |
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Funny guy, huh? Well, look out your window, Dave. Yeah, that's right. That's the van. And StYoung's got the candy waiting... *puts on gloves*
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| StYoung | Mar 23 2007, 03:15 PM Post #20 |
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Elite
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You know, sweetpea sounds kind of erotic... And about the van, alxbly is the one that does that. Candy too. I haven't been able to sit down, or take a comfortable poop in over a week because of him. I'm more of a walk around in a jumpsuit with a cute little dog kind of molester. |
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| Kerr Avon | Mar 23 2007, 03:16 PM Post #21 |
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Senior Member
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Dave just phoned me up - I couldn't understand what he was saying for the first ten minutes or so, as he was talking into the wrong end of the receiver, but when his nurse corrected him, Dave told me that he'd remembered his password, so hopefully he won't need to post in my account anymore. It turns out that his password is his birth date. I asked him how he could have forgotten that, to which he replied "well, I wasn't there when I was born, was I?". >Being Scottish isn't so bad. It could be much worse... like if I had Manchester to the east and Liverpool to the west... now that would be unbearable Oh, that's cruel  Being stuck between Scousers and Manks is tragic enough, without being reminded of it  Still, how'd they feel, having to live near Warrington - officially the second most polluted town in Great Britain, after Widnes  >... why does everyone keep calling me Dave!? There's an Id in there too. It's spelt "id", not "Id". And it's overshadowed by your huuuuuuuge ego. Sadly, that Oscar Wilde-worthy comment will go right over David's head. Unlike the wind, which goes through it. >sorry if i offened anybody didn't mean to. You're all right mate. If you fancy a laugh, try: http://www.angryalien.com/ I think they're great
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| dagoss | Mar 23 2007, 03:52 PM Post #22 |
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Smarty Pants
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Oh, please. If Freud was still alive, I would no longer be the smartest person in the world. |
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| sweetpea | Mar 23 2007, 04:07 PM Post #23 |
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Newbie
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the van that mysterous showed up across the street i couldn't figure out why it's just sitting there now i know. |
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| StYoung | Mar 23 2007, 05:04 PM Post #24 |
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Elite
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Thats alxbly. While I am obviously attracted to your sweet peas, I currently lack the income to be able to purchase said van, let alone pay for the gas and boxes of pop-tarts that go with sitting outside your house 24/7. |
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2007, 05:43 PM Post #25 |
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| StYoung | Mar 23 2007, 06:11 PM Post #26 |
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Elite
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It should say "Freshly Made In You". |
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| dataDyne | Mar 23 2007, 07:40 PM Post #27 |
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Forum Dinosaur!
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I'll have an i-scream sandwich and a snow cone please. |
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Give this man a fish, and he can throw it up eleven times -alxbly PSN: LifeIsPreachy Mario Kart Wii: 0088 - 2869 - 9843 | |
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| Deleted User | Mar 23 2007, 08:57 PM Post #28 |
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Certainly, sir. If you could just put on this blindfold and swallow these pills... *reaches for the gloves* |
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| DeadMaster | Mar 23 2007, 09:51 PM Post #29 |
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Unregistered
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funniest topic i have ever read here.
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| StYoung | Mar 23 2007, 10:15 PM Post #30 |
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Elite
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How can this be the funniest topic here? There hasn't been one joke about Ragedy yet!
I guess that could count as a joke, its at least an insult. It'll have to do--! So, in that case: "Just close your eyes and suck on this cone" |
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