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a short play by cray; warning: it's filthy!
Topic Started: May 9 2006, 07:58 PM (199 Views)
Metal _Mister_Crayola
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I am Mister Pat (Patrica) Crayola
Episode 4
The moral of this story...if a Nazi Admiral messes with a Dead Indian guy's class, he will experience spontaneous combustion. :shifty:

(The kids are sitting in English Class.)
Mercury Man: Dude, how about that talent show?
Barf Bag: I know, dude.
Toucan Sam: Dude?
(Barf Bag begins writing something down)
Mercury Man: Whatcha got there, Barf Bag?
Barf Bag: Note to self. Never say dude again.
(Barf Bag turns around to look at Toucan Sam and smiles and waves)
Barf Bag: Sup there, Cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puff.
Toucan Sam: It's Toucan Sam.
Barf Bag: Pota-toe, Pota-to. Toma-toe, Toma-to. Toucan Sam, Clam Licker. Same thing.
Toucan Sam: Haha. Clams. Like Mercury Man's mom's pussy!
(Barf Bag and Toucan Sam look at each other)
Barf Bag: All right, you are were just about (puts a small space between finger) this cool. You had 10 points, but congratulations, now you have none! You are socially retarded! Word up. You must have 100 points to diss Mercury Man's mom, or else it's just fag talk. Speaking of which, how do you kill fags, Mercury Man?
Toucan Sam: How?
Barf Bag: AIDS.
Toucan Sam: Takes a fag to know fag talk, I always say.
Mercury Man: (smiles) plus five points.
Barf Bag: I don't like this arse bandit.
Toucan Sam: A what?
Mercury Man: Come on, Barf Bag! He's my friend.
Barf Bag: Exactly, the key word is yours.
Toucan Sam: An arse...?
Mercury Man: Don't be a pussy. Consider him worthy of your friendship.
Barf Bag: Your mom's pussy is unworthy of no man's friendship!
Mercury Man: Clit lover!
Barf Bag: At least I love clits, and aren't one.
Mercury Man: So you love me! Kiss me!
Toucan Sam: Come on! What's that word you said!
Barf Bag: (shouts) WHAT!?
(Class stares at Barf Bag)
Toucan Sam: Hey bro, everyone is staring.
Barf Bag: (shouts) Cuz I'm hot!!! Hmm. So how about that talent show?
Mercury Man: Except for that fag flute player winning.
(Enter Mr. Robinson, looking gloomy)
Barf Bag: Speaking of fags.
Mr. Robinson: Hello, Paul. Everyone. I have some news to share with you.
Barf Bag: You are now a bisexual!
Mr. Robinson: No. I...have some very sad news to share with you. This weekend, Mr. Sishivankamad passed away.
Barf Bag: (after a short period of silence) Wait, who?
Mr. Robinson: Your teacher.
Barf Bag: Oh! That gay. I always called him Gandhi.
Mercury Man: Great balls of fire, how did he die?
Mr. Robinson: (sobs) He had some allergic reaction to some Indian Spice. His last words were (voiceover of Mr. Sishivankamad: "give my compliments to the chef on this plumb dulcis, is this a spice or is this a spice")
Mercury Man: Hmm. So who's gonna be our new teacher?
Mr. Robinson: (cheerful again) Here he comes! Admiral Weich?
Barf Bag: Hehe...Admiral?
Admiral Meich: (off.) Ja!
Mercury Man: Ja?
(Enter Admiral Meich, 6'4", with a grey hair in a military cut style. He is muscular, despite age, and dressed in uniform. He is carrying a German Flag in one hand and a whip in the other)
Admiral Meich: (standing above Mr. Robinson) Dismissed!
Mr. Robinson: Okeydokey! (puts hand on his uniform) Hot uniform! (Mr. Robinson femininely pops his foot back, and flips his hair. He exits.)
Admiral Meich: Today, we are gonna read about Mein Kampf.
Barf Bag: The what?
Toucan Sam: Duh nigga, Mein Kampf.
Admiral Meich: Third reich.
Mercury Man: Dude you are a fucking Nazi!
Admiral Meich: Heil.
Joe Mach: (stands up) Dude this extremely offensive! To Jews and everyone! And its illegial to teach the Mein Kampf! This isn't even Germany! Nor is this history class! Politics=Corruption! I am an anarchist! Who's with me? Down with the Nazi Teacher! Plus, it looks like his mom did his hair! His big fat German mom! And he's fat! If he croaks, we could rip him open and end world hunger. And at least Gandhi could rap! Indian rap is scary! But at least he could rap! Can you rap? Ha? No! Instead you talk National Socialist shit!
Admiral Meich: (shoots Joe Mach, who falls)
Mercury Man: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED JOEY! YOU BASTARD!!!
Admiral Meich: He's in a better place now. He's locked on a thread in Romewinkle! Who want schintzel?
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: Hey, you beefy racist militarian-obsessed son-of-a-bitch!
Admiral Meich: Ja? Who is that?
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: Joe Mama!
Admiral Meich: Mother?
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: I just trippin', I am just the voices in your head!
Admiral Meich: I am not crazy!
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: Yes you are! This is your conscience!
Admiral Meich: WHICH IS IT!?
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: Both.
Admiral Meich: It's not both. It can't be! Not even 28 years in the Navy could prepare me for this, a room full of teachers makes a man more insane than does killing a bunch of dudes!
(Admiral Meich rips clothes and runs stark naked through the halls, and out into the street, where he is hit by a reno which then blows up. Enter Mr. Robinson.)
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: That will teach you to mess with my kids!
Mr. Robinson: Well, kids, class dismissed on account of the Admiral's combustion.
(Exit everyone but Mercury Man.)
Mercury Man: (smiles, looking up.) Thanks Mr. Sishivookoma.
(Exit Mercury Man.)
Ghost of Mr. Sishivankamad: That's Sishivankamad!
cray: 100, aliens: 0
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