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crayola's deep dark past; sad...
Topic Started: Jan 19 2017, 04:08 AM (80 Views)
TheNewImprovedCray

Crayola was never a happy man. Then his plays and musicals picked up.
Crayola was never a Republican. He admitted to being a hardcore liberal, bohemian, true to the lost generation and beat generation. He fears Trump very much, because he wonders what will that do for his Obamacare. His father is a wealthy, filthy cheater while his mom and him share a one-bedroom condo provided by his aunt while she lives with his other aunt. Socialism people. Cray hid behind religion, conservatism, and lying about being Persian at fear of being labeled a "terrorist" in a mostly white school like Woodson.
Why can't Cray work? Same reason you all made fun of Cray. He's bipolar. Severely bipolar, possibly schizoaffective, anxious, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic. But Cray worked his issues out mostly.
Crayola never had any feelings for any women, and dealt with his fears of homophobia and transphobia for a long time. Cray is queer and gay.
Cray's dad did bad things to him like try to kill him with a gun, sexually abuse him, and also beat and cheat on his mom. He has swiss bank accounts. Cray's dad sexually assaulted a woman in jail. He's remarried to a woman in Canada but he lives in Reston, but Cray found him on grindr. He doesn't talk to Cray barely ever and has him blocked on his phone and only calls on birthdays.
Cray's grandma who raised him committed suicide four days before his 19th birthday, and devastated his mom and made her go crazy.
Cray was on probation for 420 in college.
Cray went to dominion psychiatric hospital 5 times and met a lot of friends there and even lived with the best friend of one.
Cray wishes he hadn't been the scapegoat of the Romewinkle group, and they had realized he is actually an intelligent, nice guy.
Cray's family fights way too much
Cray is addicted to cigs and red bull, but quit 420ing and alkie.
Cray's favorite book is the Stranger. He read when his mother had breast cancer and he was going through a severe bipolar episode.
Cray's college friends all talk shit about him, and he's always been bullied.

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Melvin
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Cray welcome back dude. I feel like Romewinkle was a difficult place for you because, well a lot of the things you mentioned in that post + this place being a kind of (anti)popularity contest back when it was active, with a lot of us trying to seem "in," or at least making others feel that they should try to seem that way. Now it's just a few of us holdovers who pop in from time to time & are less concerned with that stuff than we were in HS, so hopefully we can talk about it.
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key grip flip dip trip
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hey Cray!

i'm pretty sure we never met. i famously "moved to Thailand" and that was before you came on the scene. i think it's a bummer that you were bullied - period. it sucks that people treated you that way. i think it also sucks especially bad because our group was made up of the freaks and losers who were already getting bullied everywhere else. i had hoped it was a safe space from that, but ultimately we were just another group of high school kids who could be cliquey and mean. i totally believe you that you were bullied.

thanks for sharing, cray. you've been through a lot and i mean it when i say i'm inspired by your resilience. keep fighting the good fight.
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pickOlow
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Like Trippy said, we were just as much losers as you felt like you were and I'm sure all of us have been bullied. The only truly cool person on Rome was Richie Duvall.

Cray, keep your chin up. You can do anything you set your mind to and don't let your dad keep you down. I believe in you! Also, if your mom had breast cancer, you should try to stop smoking so you don't get lung cancer.

Sorry if we made fun of you on Rome or during school and if it made you feel like shit. I really hope you didn't take us too seriously because we were definitely loser high school kids. Your list sounds like a lot of really terrible things, but the only way to go is up. I'm sure writing all that down is a good thing. Grown up Romewinkle is here to support you. If your college friends are just talking shit about you and bullying you then they aren't your friends. Life's too short to worry about trying to impress idiots.

You just gotta try to look at that glass being half full!
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TheNewImprovedCray

I never took you guys seriously. I didn't mean to imply you guys were bullies. there were bullies everywhere. you guys, I considered friends. please don't feel bad about that. and it's totally okay. bullying was the least of it. why I shared this is, people who are "lost" can find their way. I meant to post this as I was a loser, and right now, I'm doing pretty okay. I don't even go to a therapist. I'm on meds, but not a therapist. I should. But I don't. I feel okay. What I wanted to share with you guys is what you didn't know about me. But overall, I am a high-functioning thinker and a generally-happy person today. I even forgive my father. Just remember, don't let your pasts define you. You can make a new start any time, any where, no matter who you are. You are in control of your actions, with the right plan, help, and lifestyle. And you can be happy. I think as we grow older, we become more accepting of ourselves, and more happy. We just try to bury an ugly past, and make positive growth from it.
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Melvin
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i dunno, i was kind of a dick to you on here, and on AIM and stuff. I read old romewinkle stuff and some of it is straight hilarious, but with some of it I'm like, wtf, why was I such a dick. Well I know why, but still. Sorry for being a dick Cray
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Math
---
dude crayola dude welcome back

i think you are the man for opening up

i think, now with lots of hindsight, that you often had yr ideas opened up to us, but guarded and fearful. a lot of what you say has made me rethink. like i know people are people but i am amazed at how much inner life and sadness goes on as im sure you would be amazed at my own darkness or whatever.

romewinkle is still here as an alternative to negative thought drain and much less likely to have any real meanness cos no one cares about stuff like how lame or uncool

this is my favorite part of what you posted:
quotte"cray":
You can make a new start any time, any where, no matter who you are. You are in control of your actions, with the right plan, help, and lifestyle. / quotte "cray"

i dunno, i mean, that matters a lot to me.

i apologize for any and all mean things i said to you. and for ignoring yr IMs when i thought you were annoying me.

we ride on?
eastcoast153 (10:25:43 PM): hey man do you know how to glow mushrooms? im in class
eastcoast153 (10:25:55 PM): *grow
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TheNewImprovedCray

of course. it's all cool. you guys weren't dicks. I mean, we called Mike "Giraffe Kid", but he laughed. I didn't mind being Crayola. Crayola says a lot about me. I'm not one color. Being bipolar and queer, I feel I'm all colors of the rainbow, and Crayola is a very good nickname for me. I'm really not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I know you guys had hard times in high school, I mean the whole thing about the group was a "circle" itself. And everyone felt like they belonged there. And I felt like I belonged there, even as a joke. It's better than being ignored. I felt I didn't understand myself, or respect myself either. I didn't have the best personality, as I do today. Not that I have the best personality today, but when today I turn all my attention to writing and composing, and enjoying life for the moment- that wasn't me. Even in college, I was always into drugs, and so mentally ill, I had a foggy mind. Hell, I had to take myself off a medication to save my own life from falling apart. I wasn't the best person either in high school. No one is perfect. I think negative energy is retained from a stimulus, and is expelled to others, until it is recycled into positive energy, and it reflects on others, and creates a stable environment. I think if anyone needs to apologize to me it's my father. My father held a gun to me and sexually abused me. But if I forgive him, I can love the world. And few people with bipolar and traumatic issues can live happily ever after. I try to teach with mental issues and trauma, you can live happily. I think I can be happy no matter. I feel very thick-skinned. I think we have no choice in life but to take what life gives us.
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Melvin
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TheNewImprovedCray,Jan 28 2017
12:16 PM
of course. it's all cool. you guys weren't dicks. I mean, we called Mike "Giraffe Kid", but he laughed. I didn't mind being Crayola. Crayola says a lot about me. I'm not one color. Being bipolar and queer, I feel I'm all colors of the rainbow, and Crayola is a very good nickname for me. I'm really not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I know you guys had hard times in high school, I mean the whole thing about the group was a "circle" itself. And everyone felt like they belonged there. And I felt like I belonged there, even as a joke. It's better than being ignored. I felt I didn't understand myself, or respect myself either. I didn't have the best personality, as I do today. Not that I have the best personality today, but when today I turn all my attention to writing and composing, and enjoying life for the moment- that wasn't me. Even in college, I was always into drugs, and so mentally ill, I had a foggy mind. Hell, I had to take myself off a medication to save my own life from falling apart. I wasn't the best person either in high school. No one is perfect. I think negative energy is retained from a stimulus, and is expelled to others, until it is recycled into positive energy, and it reflects on others, and creates a stable environment. I think if anyone needs to apologize to me it's my father. My father held a gun to me and sexually abused me. But if I forgive him, I can love the world. And few people with bipolar and traumatic issues can live happily ever after. I try to teach with mental issues and trauma, you can live happily. I think I can be happy no matter. I feel very thick-skinned. I think we have no choice in life but to take what life gives us.

I'm glad you're looking at things this way and it seems like you have "help" in the places you need it, or at least have the awareness to know that things in the world are generally shitty and it's up to you control how you engage them. it's like in that david foster wallace speech, if you know that, you have to keep reminding yourself, "this is water. this is water."

I hope you stick around here and we can get up to some good old posting

(also, AFAIK, Giraffe Kid came up with that name for himself, or at least introduced himself as such... I remember other kids in the school knew him as that too... one of the few "Nicks" that wasn't created by a Winkler)
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pickOlow
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solitaire masta
Giraffe Kid was the weirdest dude ever. He used to do these things where we would be like 'do your Michael Jackson!' and he would spin around like a dance move. I think he also had an impression of a dolphin he did. That dude was hilarious.
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