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| The Chuck Norris thread; You'll never be speechless on /2 again. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 3 2008, 08:20 PM (245 Views) | |
| Zephyrus | Mar 3 2008, 08:20 PM Post #1 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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Chuck Norris doesn't have balls, he has mini nuclear reactors. |
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| LXK3K | Mar 3 2008, 10:14 PM Post #2 |
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President and CEO of the Men's Wearhouse.
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Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode |
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| Zephyrus | Mar 3 2008, 11:11 PM Post #3 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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The word diplomacy does not exist in the Chuck Norris dictionary. There is only various inflections on the words "kickass" and "kill!". |
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| Solarman | Mar 4 2008, 12:54 AM Post #4 |
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Sheeptastic Officer
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Damn you Zeph. |
I can sheep you without having you targeted. Do you feel lucky, punk?![]()
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| Deleted User | Mar 4 2008, 03:30 AM Post #5 |
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Deleted User
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If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. The biggest coverup in U.S. history was that Hitler did not commit suicide but was in fact T-bag to death by chuck norris. Experts Disagree with this because Chuck Norris doesn't T-bag, he potato sacks. After much debate Prisident Truemen decieded to drop the Atomic bomb on the Japs, rather then send Chuck norris. The reason.....It was more humane |
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| Zephyrus | Mar 4 2008, 04:21 AM Post #6 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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Blizzard has to pay Chuck royalties every time someone says "wow", because WoW is the nickname of his beard. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris once was considered an entire division on his lonesome. Now he's just an entire platoon. |
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| Solarman | Mar 4 2008, 06:25 AM Post #7 |
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Sheeptastic Officer
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Is Chuck Norris really High Overlord Saurfang playing Real Life, or is High Overlord Saurfang Chuck Norris incarnate upon Azeroth? The world will never know, because anyone foolish enough to ask either winds up roundhouse kicked or Cleaved to death. |
I can sheep you without having you targeted. Do you feel lucky, punk?![]()
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| Zephyrus | Mar 4 2008, 06:32 AM Post #8 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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Chuck Norris defeated Communism. Chuck Norris has no chin, only a third fist. Chuck will never die. He'll just stop to reload. |
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| MightyThor | Mar 4 2008, 05:16 PM Post #9 |
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Leech On the boils of Society
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer...too bad Chuck Norris never cries. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris U-Tube M.T. |
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| Zephyrus | Mar 4 2008, 05:23 PM Post #10 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. |
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| Solarman | Mar 4 2008, 05:30 PM Post #11 |
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Sheeptastic Officer
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Then God said, "Let there be light." And Chuck Norris said, "Say 'Please.'" |
I can sheep you without having you targeted. Do you feel lucky, punk?![]()
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| Zephyrus | Mar 4 2008, 05:47 PM Post #12 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. |
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| Deleted User | Mar 5 2008, 04:07 AM Post #13 |
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Deleted User
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Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal. During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. |
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| Zephyrus | Mar 5 2008, 02:29 PM Post #14 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mt. Rushmore, but his beard has too hard for the granite. |
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| Nynayeve | Mar 8 2008, 07:44 PM Post #15 |
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Master of alts
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Why does Mr. T have a mohawk? He's the only one to successfully duck a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick...twice. |
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Bashir: So of the stories you've told me, which ones were true? Garak: My dear doctor, all of them were true. Bashir: What about the lies? Garak: Especially the lies. | |
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| Solarman | Mar 11 2008, 12:44 AM Post #16 |
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Sheeptastic Officer
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Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen Sandiego. |
I can sheep you without having you targeted. Do you feel lucky, punk?![]()
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| SaphfireSoul | Mar 11 2008, 08:00 AM Post #17 |
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Leech On the boils of Society
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Chuck Norris visited the 'Virgin islands' once... now they're just called 'The Islands'. In reality 10,000 BC is only considered prehistoric because it means 'Before Chuck' There is only one true line that should never be crossed and thats the one between Chuck Norris's fist and your face. On Halloween, God dresses up like Chuck Norris... that is the only reason Halloween exists. |
| 5 Murlocs + 1 Saph = 0 Murlocs | |
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| SaphfireSoul | Mar 11 2008, 08:12 AM Post #18 |
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Leech On the boils of Society
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Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the Special Olympics. Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle. |
| 5 Murlocs + 1 Saph = 0 Murlocs | |
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| Zephyrus | Mar 17 2008, 08:30 PM Post #19 |
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It's All My Fault~!
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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly how quickly and where he will roundhouse kick you in the face. |
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