Issue 14 ~ 1/27/08
Infinity Plus One – Zombie Robot?
On Tuesday, January 22, respected Kradenette Infinity Plus One was reported dead. This news was brought to the Temple by IPO’s father, posting under his son’s account while going through IPO’s computer “to see if we could find any clues as to why he was in Chicago at the time of his death”. The post went on to say that IPO “passed away on the South Side of Chicago while traveling to meet a friend of his at the college she attends. He was found late at night in critical condition with multiple gunshot wounds and succumbed to his injuries that night in the hospital. Based on testimony from his killer, the police have informed us that he was shot while chasing the man off from an attempted rape; the woman escaped in the confusion and the killer was later apprehended.”
This news rocked the Temple. Many Kradenettes expressed their grief in the topic, and Saturos said, “Some of our posters had noticed Inf wasn't posting, and we were wondering what happened to him. A couple of us tried to get into touch with him, but there was nothing... I guess that explains it.” This news truly shocked and saddened the forum members.
However, everyone was relieved when IPO made a new topic called “No, I’m not dead.” In it, he explained that he had left his door unlocked and someone had made the post as a mean-spirited practical jokes. Everyone was happy to hear that IPO was all right. Tristia, for instance, expressed her joy with copious amounts of emoticons and exclamation points, saying, “That's a relief!!!! ^____^ Happy that you're fine!!! =D” Dixie Kong said, “That was such a horrible prank. It's not funny.” Kris added, “All I gotta say is: BEAT THAT GUY'S DAMN ASS DOWN!”
IPO’s troubles were not limited to the Temple of Kraden. According to him, “The bastard C&P'ed the death notice onto three other forums from my bookmark toolbar. Now I've got a crapload of people who think I'm dead.” However, IPO does have revenge planned. “Ultrasonic pain field,” IPO explained. “Causes "nausea, vertigo, disorientation, paranoia, and pain" in lab tests, can be built for about 50 bucks, is about as large as an iPod plus a small speaker, I'll rig it to fire once an hour. Found the schematics in a book. Will be hidden under his festering piles of laundry.” Also, IPO sabotaged the culprit’s ramen, in a vaguely-described scheme that involved bodily fluids. This reporter did not want to ask further questions.
All’s well that ends well, so now the only question left is if this experience will give IPO zombie powers in addition to his robot powers. Only time will tell, but this reporter is certainly stocking up on fuel for her chainsaw.
Erik the … Blasphemer?!
A shockwave tore through the Temple of Kraden when Erik the Appreciator announced his well-intentioned editing of the Wheat Sword FAQ into a more conventional wiki format. Accusations of blasphemy against the Wheat Sword and against Kraden were immediately heaped on Erik. Asked to explain his motivation in doing this, Erik said, “Wikis are supposed to be a reliable encyclopedic reference for everyone, including outsiders. So I wrote the encyclopedic version, then linked the original FAQ.” Erik described his reaction to the criticism as follows: “Shocking when I learned part of it was genuinely offensive to Ryu; a little annoying when everyone shoved Kradenist slander at me because of it.”
However, “Kradenist slander” was the least of the reaction. Erik became the latest victim in the Sacrifice Thread. Even Saturos participated. He said, “I don't normally do these sacrifice things, but there were a few slights on Ryu in that article that, as a fellow admin and Kraden founder, I couldn't let go.” Draco, for her part, threatened to divorce Erik. Erik eventually said he would PM Ryu and let the matter be in his hands. It should be acknowledged that Erik made his changes with the best possible intentions.
Inactivity at the Temple
Saturos was the first to bring it up in the last issue of the Temple Weekly news. Now it’s clear to the rest of us that the Temple of Kraden is just slow. This reporter decided to do some more looking into the issue.
My first theory was that this is normal back-to-school blues. I got a neat link from a high up member of the Temple and decided to verify my hunch. The numbers are astounding, kids.
This is a graph showing the posts per month of the Temple. See the slow start at the beginning? Just a few members in the Temple at that time. See the spike? That was Dracobolt joining. After a lull, during which the RP Rise of Mars kept the Temple alive, real growth started to occur. Members like Ian, Roymarth, Zoorti, and my good self joined the ranks of the Temple. Slow growth continued for a year, with spikes here and there.
Now, the important part of the graph was coming. What happened this time last year? Well, Kradenettes, the numbers don’t lie. During the new school months of 2007, the Temple had a huge jump in posts, not a drop. What is going on here?
I was stumped. The Temple has RPs, good topics, good members, and a flourishing board. It’s just that posts have gone down, and for some people, things just feel slow. Is it because spam laws are tighter? Nay, as ever, the PG forum is open to spam unlimited. Is it possible that the numbers from 2007 are inflated because of relaxed spam laws? Only time will tell, and in the meantime, get your lazy butts into your RPs, Kradenettes. That’s what pulled us through last time, and if a real lull hits again, it will be RPs that do it again.
What Do You Mean You Never Played...
This is a review section for video games. It's run by me, Phoenix Wright and I expect no one else to. If you think I was stupid in how I spoke about the game, go whine about it elsewhere. Opinions exist for a reason and these are mine.
Anyway, let's continue.
-Mischief Makers: N64-
I'm sure all of you will be asking, Mischief Makers? Never heard of it. I don't really blame you. Mischief Makers is perhaps the most underrated game on the Nintendo 64. But that doesn't mean it's not good. It was a platformer in 2-D and was made by Treasure, the same people who made Sin and Punishment and Wario World.
Story: Mischief Makers has you in control of a robot called Marina. She's the assistant of Prof Theo, who built her. One day, Prof Theo and Marina fly in their spaceship to the Clancer Planet, inhabited by weird creatures who all have the same face. Once they arrive, Marina goes out to scout and Prof Theo is left all alone. This can only mean kidnapping. (From my experience of playing games, anyway. XD) And that's exactly what happens. Prof Theo is kidnapped by General Clancer and they fly over Nepton Village, the first level. Marina spots them and gives chase, leaving you to go through five worlds, each with ten levels, to save Prof Theo from the Evil Empire.
Gameplay: Mischief Maker's controls can take a little while to get use to. An annoying
feature is that you use the D Pad to move. You get used to it after a bit, but you can't help
but think it'd be better with the Control Stick. That's where the C Buttons come into play.
You can combine these with the D Pad for some pretty sweet moves, such as a Dash
Attack and a High Jump.
You can also use the C Buttons to move instead of the D Pad, but this makes Marina go slower.
One thing that makes this game oodles of fun is that unlike Mario or Isaac, Marina isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. You grab enemies and throw them into others. She can also pick up guns. (Not deathly ones, more like toy ones) And also missles to fire at enemies. It's also fun to shake your enemies about. Shake Shake! You can also do this to the good guys, nothing says fun like throwing a nice villager into a ball of fire. Mischief Makers has quite a japanese feel to it and this marks the way for a halarious game, such as Prof Theo filling the spaceship with a load of missles and bombs. The levels of course varie, one acts very similar to the Olympic Games!
However, there isn't much replay value, but each stage has a Golden Gem in it. The more you have, (There are 50) the more of the ending you unlock. You can watch the normal ending with 30, but with 50, you get the credits and a secret ending. Finding the Golden Gems differs in each stage. (For instance, having to shake a certain Clancer.) Finding them can be quite a challenge. The boss fights are quite fun, but although gamers will find it easy, they'll be throwing their controller in the face of the two final bosses of the game. Mischeif Makers's also has some good music, some bright and cheerful, some you'd only expect from Japan! The boss ones tend to be more rock sounding. The intro is also quite anime sounding.
Graphics: Mischief Makers has some nice backgrounds and explosions, there's not much that can be said about them though. They look rather colourful, like a 2-D version of Bomberman. The sprites for the actual characters are quite nice, kind of being in the form of Paper Mario. (3-D, but in 2-D too.)
Overall: Mischief Makers is a fun, 2-D platformer that gives quite a lot of action. It has something you won't expect from most games, and that's the unique fighting style. Remember, as the game's motto is...
Grabbing is where you begin,
Shaking from within,
Throwing far is the key to win!
If Mischief Makers comes out on VC, (Treasure are greatly known for it and Sin and Punishment is already out.) I recommend a download to anyone. Also, Marina for Brawl! (As an AT, most likely.) There's no sequel, sadly. Maybe Treasure will rise from the ashes...
Story: 8/10. (Could have a little more to it, but it has a good plot twist and provides for
good comedy moments.)
Gameplay: 9/10. (I know I said this, but very fun!)
Graphics: 8/10. (Nice and colourful, exactly what I like in a game.)
Ten second guide: Begin your action packed quest as Robot Marina to fight against evil aliens to save your creator. Oodles of fun and recommended.
Score: 25/30. Gold Awarded!
0/15 = Nothing. 15/20 = Bronze Award. 20/25 = Silver Award. 25/30 = Gold Award.
I'll be keeping a ranking of each game.
Mischief Makers (N64): 25/30
The RP Module
Recently at the Temple, you may have noticed the extensive use of the RP module in the famous Snack Bar. This happens reasonably often in the Snack Bar, if somebody may happen to accidentally hit the module. But usually, somebody turns it off pretty quickly.
But now, the RP module has been going strong for 26 pages. That’s over 500 posts in a row of pure unadulterated RP module! This has been duly noted, and has been the subject of some interest. Some members have played games with the module, writing in the future present, or even the second person. A few attempts to turn the module off have phailed. The RP module has been firmly in place for about 20 days, and shows no signs of slowing down.
This reporter asked the mind behind the Snack Bar what she thought about the phenomenon. “I think it's fun and is a bit helpful at keeping the complete spam posts at a lower level in the Snack Bar,” said a cheery-looking Amy. I asked her about the new yaoi calendar she had hanging just behind the counter. While she may say she just thinks yaoi is good to creep people out, this reporter suspects it runs deeper than that… OR DOES IT? For more sensational stories about Draco’s addiction to hardcore yaoi, flip open to page 51 of the ‘Quibbler’ today!
The RP module inspired ToK member Adnarel to make a Snack Bar RP, which started out strong, and is now moving a bit slower, like many of the other RPs at the Temple. The plot revolves around a fictional city where the Snack Bar is; a haven for all of the Kradenettes from their RL troubles. The Snack Bar, like the rest of the city, has fallen into financial hardship, and it must join together to push the Snack Bar into the new tax year before it gets condemned by the local zoning board. All members are welcome to participate. That’s enough promotion, so this is Adnarel signing off.
He hit enter for the last time, proofread his article, and nodded his approval. There was another article for the Weekly News.
The Temple of Kraden Choose Your Own Adventure
Last week, on CYOA... the Kradenettes discovered what happens when you tempt Saturos:
"Shh," Kyarorain warned them, and held her finger up to her lips and giggled. "Be quiet. Thissa may be our last gender to find out what chance Lach is."
"It's been too long since I've had a good orgy!" Draco declared enthusiastically.
They slowly pulled the door open, wincing at the creak. Meanwhile, Draco and Ky held Lach and Shadow to their side, respectively, one hand over their mouth to prevent them from screaming. They slipping into the closet, and quietly shut the door behind them, enveloping them in total darkness.
"Now then, let's get down to business," Draco said, rubbing her hands together.
"Hey, this closet is occupied, get your own! Though, hey Eval, is that banana pudding I smell?"
"I think it is, Spella," Eval responded with a grin, and as Spella curled a fireball in their hand for light, as Eval raised twin banana pudding pies.
"It ain't an orgy without it," she said with a wink, and she and Spella picked them up, and began throwing.
Things got very, very, dirty very, very, quickly.
By now, however, the shaking and howling from the closet had attracted the attention of the drunken Kradenettes, and they stood outside the closet, scratching their heads as they decided what to do.
Eventually, they found a camera, and prepared to break in and obtain some incriminating blackmail.
They opened the door to...
a) Be bowled over as six people clad only in banana pudding burst out.
b) They managed to get decent in time... but Shadow and Spella, Lach and Draco, and Kyarorain and Eval had somehow switched clothes. Aaaawkward.
c) They find a tea party calmly in progress in the closet. Who needs booze, apparently?
d) The closet apparently, had morphed into a wormhole to another dimension, sucking all the Kradenettes in... to another world~
You, Kradenettes, voted D.
Being sucked into a wormhole was quite a sobering experience, to say the least. The Kradenettes were drawn into the portal and through a fantastical tunnel, its walls shaded with whirling lights and shapes the likes of they had never seen before, coloured with shades they had no names for. They seemed to be able to see inside, outside, and between everything at once, as if things existed in all dimensions in every possible configuration.
They were inside the fabric of reality.
Suddenly, the wall of the wormhole darkened, and the outline of a man appeared. A moment later, Inanis from the Temple of Kraden RP ripped through the wormhole and out the other side, strings of reality peeling before his sheer badassery.
The wormhole wobbled, shook... and fell apart.
They fell into darkness.
YOU ARE DEAD. Back to start!
In the vast darkness below them, they saw a splotch of colour rising and rising up to meet them... by sheer instinct, they angled for it - anything was better than falling for all eternity.
They ripped through the fabric of reality and landed, miraculously, on soft green grass, with the sun shining innocently in a blue sky above.
"Hey," Dracobolt said, risingfrom the grass and dusting off. "Doesn't that look like... Mount Aleph?"
They all turned to look, and lo and behold, none other than the first peak stood before them. They stood on its foothills, and there before them was Vale - a small town, just recovering from its destruction at Aleph.
"I don't believe it," Alex said. "We've travelled through space and time to the Weyard of the heroes!"
"The homeland and time of Kraden!" Saturos said, bowing reverently. "We are truly blessed."
And before their very eyes, the eight heroes of Golden Sun exited Vale far below and began climbing the hill towards them. Soon, they would meet!
But, there was a problem...
a) Not really. ^_^ There was no problem. Let's see if they know where to find Kraden!
b) The wormhole had messed with their reality - everyone's genders were reversed? How could they reverse this?
c) They were unarmed, hung over, and facing a world overloaded with newfound Alchemy, just outside the most xenophobic town in the world and faced by the eight of the most powerful Adepts in the world. Run!
d) The wormhole had altered their bodies, but in a different way - they were each transformed into a monster from the Golden Sun world! Could they ever return to normal? (Be advised if you choose this, also state what kind of monster you'd like to be.)
Dear Mister Advice Guy
Dear Mister Advice Guy,
My friend broke into my house one night, rearranged all the furniture in my room and waited for me to come back. When I did, he told me my room was better that way. What should I do?
Don't get mad--get even. You'll want to break into your friend's room sometime when he's not there and completely trash the room. When he notices and confronts you about it, claim that its feng shui was way off. Be sure to use phrases like "on the tail of the tiger" and "the chi was going through the face of the dragon" when you explain why. You know, the usual Eastern mystical crap.
Mister Advice Guy