Temple of Kraden Choose Your Own Adventure
Last time on C. Y. O. A...
Sunny's dark claw faded as she considered Draco's proposal.
And that's when Draco flicked her hair back and leapt through the air, one leg outstretched elegantly in front of her.
Her pirate boot landed squarely on Sunny's back, flipping the Lunarian head over heels over Isaac - but with the tenacity borne of sadistic intent, she kept her grip on the chain.
In fact, yanked it harder.
Isaac squirmed as his neck was just about on the breaking point. Literally.
"Karst, eat your heart out," Felix muttered.
Meanwhile, Draco straddled Sunny and lowering her head, grabbed the front of her shirt, hissing. "Sunny, control yourself! Isaac is their friend!"
But maddened with rage at the thought of killing Isaac, Sunny raised her free hand and formed a whip of darkness, wrapping it around Draco's waist, like some kind of insidious belt. Twisting, she pulled her arm to the side, bringing Draco with her, and jerked Isaac's chain.
While she was distracted, Draco put her in a headlock and, passing her hand in front of Sunny's face, caught the Lunarian as she suddenly collapsed.
She laid the Lunarian down gently, and unwound the chain from the unconscious Isaac's neck.
"How...?" was the question hanging in the air.
Draco waved, showing off the Sleep Ring on her finger. "Easier to conceal than chloroform," she grinned.
"I don't want to know why you have that," Saturos sighed. He turned and bowed to the GS heroes. "I apologize for the poor impression. Some of us... have issues with Isaac."
The GS heroes looked at each other, and...
a) Alex leapt out from the bushes, plunging a psynergetic hand into Isaac's chest and stealing the power of the Golden Sun.
b) Felix calmly walked up and drawing his darksword, plunged it through Isaac's heart. "Now that he's out of the way with, and my Proxian friends avenged," he said calmly, "As the new Lord of Vale, I hereby welcome you to Weyard."
c) Draco knelt beside Isaac and, splaying her hand over his neck, cast Ply. "Come back to our house," Garet invited, his arm around Mia. "We can talk some, and work things out."
d) Jenna and Mia each grabbed one of Isaac's arms and began to haul him away. "Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry!" Jenna called. "You know, I always thought Isaac would be rather tasty..." Mia mused. "I'm not quite dead yet..." Isaac's groggy protest died on his lips as he was dragged through the grass.
You, Kradenettes, voted D.
"Hey Jenna, have you ever heard the joke about the farmer who had a peg-leg'd pig, who walked on four pig legs because the farmer wanted to eat some pig, but loved the pig too much to kill it?" she asked casually as she ran her machete over the millstone, sparks flying as it sharpened. "I think we have a similar situation here."
"I hear ya, sister," Jenna said as she tied the last knot. Isaac was now firmly tied to the grill; all that was left was to slid him over the waiting fuel. "I'm so glad I finally get to eat Isaac. I've longed for this day for so long," she said, rubbing her hands together briskly. Fire brimmed from her hands from the fiction as she knelt and spread her hands over the logs of wood, lighting them.
Meanwhile, everyone else peeked around the corner of the cave, their faces stacked cartoon-style as they all fought to see.
"Good gods," Felix murmured. "I never knew they had it in them to act like this."
"They are clearly possessed," Piers declared.
"It could only be..." Saturos whispered. "The spirit of the fearsome Inf. He has haxxored their programs. Did we do this? Are we ultimately responsible for things turning out this way?"
Draco smirked. "Nah, of course not."
Ivan concentrated, hands to his head. "I don't think they're possessed... I don't sense any ghosts or spirits nearby."
"If we're going to do something, we better do it quickly," Garet said, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
Jenna dusted her hands off as she stood and smiled. "Mia, do you have the spit ready?"
Mia held up her mace. "Oh yeah."
"Mmmmmhph!" Isaac's eyes were wide with fear as he shouted in vain into the apple strapped in his mouth.
"It's now or never," Sheba said tersely.
a) They don't have such a bad idea, after all. Let's all join in; who wants a piece of Isaac?
b) Sunny drifted out lazily then turned defiantly to the others. She glanced to Mia, then to Jenna. She smirked, showing Lunarian fangs. "You're missing spice."
c) "Bitch! Skank! Isaac is mine!" Mia says protectively, clutching Isaac's chest.
"No! I should get the bigger and more of the hunk, Isaac loves me more!"
"That's it, I'll just eat you, too!"
d) Isaac looked through distressful eyes at them all.
~Do you really want to eeaaaat me~ Do you really want to make me cry-eay-ei~
"I think the prisoner wants to say something," Jenna said, cackling. She donned her black witch hat and robs, then ripped the apple out of Isaac's mouth.
Isaac miraculously burst all his bonds and jumped up, immediately transforming into a debonair.
"It's time for a musical!" he said, summoning a top hat and cane, beginning to snap his fingers.
Draco leapt into his arms. "Do me. NOW."
Dear Mister Advice Guy
Dear Mister Advice Guy, I am in a spot of bother. I am currently tied up aboard a ghost pirate's ship, and all my friends are stranded on a island populated by the most evil creatures in existance. My friends and I are meant to be on some kind of quest to rule the world or something, but we now seem to be royally [radio edit]ed. What are your recommendations?
Dear Mystery Person,
Normally, I'd say believe in the power of love, or your friends, or your heart, or some heartwarming crap like that, because though it may sound cheesier than a brick of cheddar, it kills ghost pirates and other supernatural villains dead nine times out of ten.
However, since you said that you and your friends are all on a quest to rule the world, I doubt the goody two-shoes approach will work here. Therefore, I suggest singing "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" very loudly and off-key until the ghost pirates run to the afterlife to escape your singing. Then, all you need to do is transform into your super-powered self and go kick copious amounts of buttock.
If, however, you can't transform into a super-powered being, then you probably deserved to be caught by ghost pirates in the first place.
Mr. Advice Guy
Dear Mister Advice Guy,
I have a friend who invites herself over every single day. She's really annoying and I'm sick of hanging out with her. What should I do?
Sincerely, A jerk who hates their friends
Dear Friend-Hating Jerk,
Upon further review, I suggest that you place your hands around your so-called "friend"'s neck and squeeze until she stops moving. Failing that, whacking her around the head with a baseball bat will do wonders.
Mr. Advice Guy
And we have an extra-special temporal mail for you today:
Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
I'm starting my new job as the Temple Weekly News Advice Columnist tomorrow, and I don't know how I should answer the questions! There's so many ways I can advise them! What should I do?
Mr. Advice Guy
Dear Past Self,
Remember this one rule: "When in doubt, go for the laugh." It'll work all the time, unless they're too stupid to get the joke--in which case, death threats are appropriate if both used sparingly and incredibly over-the-top. Give my regards to the Temple's past.
A manga by Mia
The Temple Weekly News was lucky enough to be given the chance to include the prelude chapter of Mia’s manga project. Since the pages are large graphics, there will be one page per… page. Just check out the next nine pages to read this cool new manga. Once again, thank you, Mia!