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| Jokes game; can be funny at times. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 30 2006, 04:09 PM (2,790 Views) | |
| Post #71 Aug 5 2010, 08:23 PM | Alex |
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Ohh!! I feel better about my shoes that have died now. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired |
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| Post #72 Aug 5 2010, 08:26 PM | That English-Edge |
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I've got a load of Jimmy Carr jokes. He tried to come up with the shortest jokes he could think off. Here's a 4 word joke. Venison's deer isn't it? |
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Carlsberg don't make members...
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| Post #73 Aug 6 2010, 09:25 PM | Alex |
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Who's Jimmy Carr? And tell us some more Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things |
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| Post #74 Aug 7 2010, 12:47 AM | That English-Edge |
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Jimmy Carr... Maybe you might not have heard of him, British Commedian, used to present Distraction in the U.S. though. His stuff, well a great deal of it is REALLY rude... So, I've filtered a lot of it out mind. Here's the joke that is shorter version. 2 word joke: 'Dwarf Shortage'. 'What's the best thing before sliced bread? Breadknife? No... Ginormous sandwiches.' 'No man is an island... Except the Isle of man.' 'Say what you like about pacafists' 'Travelodges' slogan is: Nothing like a good night's sleep'. 'I was going to leave my body to science, and I thought NO! I'll leave it to Geography' 'There is a fine line between obsessive and compulsive... It's a hyphon.' 'Why do you never hear of people getting 5 months to live?' 'I went to see a hypnotists' show, and really rather liked it. Which made me suspicious.' 'I had an outter body experiance... I was beside myself.' If anyone likes those jokes that are really edgy... Check out Frankie Boyle on youtube. Some of his stuff are just outrageous. |
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Carlsberg don't make members...
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| Post #75 Aug 7 2010, 12:48 AM | Faro |
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lol never pet the sweaty things! Sorry.. I don't have a joke. Someone else go 8( |
"He was hacking on me"
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| Post #76 Aug 7 2010, 02:49 PM | Alex |
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LOL! Those are great Ed! What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? They get taller |
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| Post #77 Aug 8 2010, 06:15 AM | Chris |
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lmao. A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your rese...arch also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?" |
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Hol-ee Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that!
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![]() ![]() Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks? ~ Pinhead | |
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| Post #78 Aug 8 2010, 02:42 PM | Faro |
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lol.. freakin lawyers! What do you call a three legged monkey? .. never mind. I thought I could come up with something funny, but.. I can't : ( |
"He was hacking on me"
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| Post #79 Aug 8 2010, 05:16 PM | Alex |
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lol I thought I saw a 3 legged monkey at the zoo once. Turns out he was just gifted. A lawyer was questioning a medical examiner during a trial. "How many autopsies have you performed?" "Hundreds" "And how many of those hundreds were dead?" "All of them were dead." "Did you perform the autopsy on Mr Smith?" "I did." "Did you check for a pulse or breathing or any signs of life before beginning the autopsy?" "No." "Then how could be sure he was dead?" "Because his brain was in a jar on my desk." "So,just because someone doesn't have his brain in his head,you automatically assume he's dead?" "No, I suppose he could be alive practicing law somewhere." |
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| Post #80 Aug 8 2010, 06:51 PM | Chris |
| lmao! |
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Hol-ee Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that!
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![]() ![]() Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks? ~ Pinhead | |
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