| Welcome to EV Forums. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| A Howl in the Night; One-shot | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Nov 8 2007, 07:16 PM (363 Views) | |
| Icebreath | Nov 8 2007, 07:16 PM Post #1 |
|
.pain.
|
Meh, I'm not a best-seller, whatever. It's a bit short though... comments are welcomed. ^^ --- A howl in the night. A spark of fury. A sound that strangers would find pleasant. A sound that leaves the Pokemon of the forest in pain. The howl spoke of a memory... --- The Ninetales ruled the forest. She was not a tyrant, but kind, merciful, forgiving. She put her needs last, and the needy's first. She helped everyone that needed helping. She had a daughter, a Vulpix, heir to the forest title of queen. In every way the Ninetales was good, her daughter had the same traits, but maxed to the height. Her reign would bring peace to them all, and her mother was proud. Her daughter was her pride and joy. But there was her father. The silver fox. He was angry. He was savage. He was a tyrant. At first, he was a good king, not as great as his mate, but satisfying the needs of the forest enough, and the inhabitants loved him. However, as the days... months... years... they had passed by. He loved his title as king. Soon, the laws of the forest were made to satisfy his needs... His mate made one of the hardest choices she had ever fufilled... hesitating at first... but the safety of the forest was her first priority. She sent away her once-beloved mate. He was an outcast, exiled from the beautiful forest kingdom. He would seek revenge. He planned to become king once more. Power-hungry... blood-thirsty... he was prepared. His plan was set. On a day so clear, with the cobalt sky showing off its best colors... the autumn leaves showing off theirs. The day seemed regular, innocent, just a normal day that would pass by like the others. However, this day deceived everybody. It was the day of the silver fox's plan. The first victim would be the loyal followers of his former mate. He would make them fear him. He would make them fear for themselves... and when they left their queen unguarded... One by one, they were plucked away from the kingdom, murder after murder. Ninetales, the wise queen, brought her remaining citizens of her kingdom to a tranquil forest, away from the old one that was being tortured by her mate. She planned to come back to it, though, and do in her mate. Her daughter, though, was merciful and naive, and thought there was a chance that her father would listen if she spoke to him. She believed that none deserved to die through murder, and she did not want her mother to knowingly commit this deed. Who needed to shed blood. Blood that belonged to their former love? The Vulpix knew that deep down, in the darkest abyss in her mother's heart, that she still loved the silver fox. Her mother tried to convince her not to go, that it was too dangerous, but she insisted. Ninetales finally let go, knowing that she ought not to be overprotected, and secretly, she wanted to be with her mate again... her silver love. Her daughter left her hanging. She waited a day... two days... three... on the sixth day, she went off, looking for her daughter. She found her, yes, but in a horrible mess. She found Pokemon scavenging on it, and there was little meat left on the bones. She found the remains of her daughter and mate. Studying the bones with tear-filled eyes, she saw claws ripping into her daughters neck... her mate's claws. She stared at her mate's skull with contempt. She no longer loved him... there would never be a Vulpix dynasty. Thy tyrant had left... and took his daughter away. Eventually, the queen died. She would live in memories, but they slowly fade away, forgotten... but as the generations pass, the Pokemon of the forest tell of a ghostly Ninetales that comes on the same day, every year, that calls to them. It was a howl with no spoken words, but the inhabitants thought it had a simple meaning: The merciful. The naive. The Vulpix that left. Forever. The voice speaks. A howl in the night. ~Icebreath |
 Banner by me, do not steal. Rawr. | |
 |
 
|
| IceMasterX | Nov 8 2007, 10:20 PM Post #2 |
1/10 of the Total Forum Posts are MINE! >D
|
lawl it sounds like a fairy tale. XD It could certainly be made much longer- a good read though. There needs to be more intensity... it was sorta abrupt at the end... how old are you anyway? There's one place where you made it two sentences where it should be one "Ninetales, the wise queen. She brought..." that should be joined. Thanks for posting! XD |
If I'm not typing my reply in a forum, I'm most likely pressing the refresh button every five seconds. If you are doing this too, copy this into you're signiture. (Started by IceMasterX)   | |
|
|
|
| Icebreath | Nov 10 2007, 12:06 AM Post #3 |
|
.pain.
|
I don't reveal my personal info to many people... mwahaha... ^^; Heh heh, I'm in middle school, that's all I'll give away. Now that I read through it again... it seems shorter than ever... and I'll fix the sentence... thanks! ^^ |
|
Banner by me, do not steal. Rawr. | |
|
|
|
| Shadow | Nov 10 2007, 01:52 AM Post #4 |
/Eyes*on~the*Sky\
|
Ooh, I like the story. ^^ It is kind of short right now, but, in my opinion, it doesn't need as much lengthening as it does strengthening. It does sound a little like a fairy tale, and if you would like to keep it similar to that, I'd reccommend going through and adding details, adding descriptions. Why was Vulpix's father exiled? Was it because he was so savage, or did he turn savage because of his exile? What do you mean by savage? Show us some examples. ^^ The same for the queen, and Vulpix. But, I like the idea of it, and it's very pretty. =D I also really like the beginning; the short, repeating sentences add a haunting power to it. ^^ |
     --Sketches-- [Swordplay] [Graphics] [Stories] [Sprites] --Poetry-- Adorable little Buneary made by Cyndaquil201! =D Thanks! | |
|
|
|
| IceMasterX | Nov 10 2007, 04:42 AM Post #5 |
|
1/10 of the Total Forum Posts are MINE! >D
|
Like shadow was saying, strengthening would be good. And if you'd still like to keep it sort of short, I would still recommend making it less abrupt and longer at the end. ^^ |
|
If I'm not typing my reply in a forum, I'm most likely pressing the refresh button every five seconds. If you are doing this too, copy this into you're signiture. (Started by IceMasterX) | |
|
|
|
| Icebreath | Nov 11 2007, 01:13 AM Post #6 |
|
.pain.
|
I tried adding more details, particuarly to the end, to lengthen it a bit, and I added the history of the silver fox. ^^ |
|
Banner by me, do not steal. Rawr. | |
|
|
|
| Hazelnut | Nov 11 2007, 02:29 PM Post #7 |
|
Yeah, that looks better now that you edited it. |
|
| |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Pokemon Fanfiction · Next Topic » |
4:45 PM Sep 3
