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Random Joke of the day; oh yes im funny
Topic Started: May 8 2008, 01:38 PM (795 Views)
Piggy
Looks like Dirk Benedict
[ *  *  *  * ]
All terrible...

Hugs and Kisses

Matt
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Piggy
Looks like Dirk Benedict
[ *  *  *  * ]
A group of American soldiers are sitting around in camp, laiding themselves up, making stupid bets and taking money off of eachother (It's what I assume they do when they arent shotting British soldiers). One particular squaddie, Johnson, is gettting a bit too big for his boots and, on seeing this, the Sergeant comes over and decides to take him down a peg. He strides over and barks "Lieutenant Johnson!!", to which he promptly replies "Yes sir!"
"Do you think you are above your fellow soldier!?"
"No sir""
"Do you think you are above ME Lieutenant Johnson!?"
"No Sir!"
"Lieutenant Johnson I will make you a bet. I bet the length from theend of my penis to my tesicles is greater than the length between yours, do you understand!?"
"Yes Sir!"
With that the sergeant drops his trousers and shows that it an impressive 12 inches between the end of his penis and his testicles.
"Now Johnson, drop them!"
The Lieutenant does, and immediately everyone in the vicinity just strares in awe. After a fewseconds the Sergenat gathers his wits and manages to force out a sentence.
"Lieutenant...where the HELL are your Balls!?"
To which he replies...
"In Vietnam, SIR!"
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dark knight
daemon prince
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lolololololololol
waiting for my time
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token
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lol very funny except for the fact that a lieutenant outranks a sergeant - damn civvies :)
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Bennett
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swampy some of those really are terrible but keep them coming they amuse me ^^
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Bennett
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Paddy and Murphy sitting in the pub. Paddy says to Murphy im going on holiday next week want me to get you some fags.
Murphy says yes please mate.

Two weeks later....

Paddy: Murphy heres your fags, thats £90.

Murphy:Paddy where the hell did you go on holiday!

Paddy: Butlins!
Viridians W-6/D-0 /L-0
Empire W-2 /D-1 /L-1
Blood Bowl (Dwarfs) W-4 /D-2 /L-0
Greeks W-0/D-1 /L-0
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Tau W-0/D-2/L-1
Paolo's Orcs W-1/D-0/L-0
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vrykolakas
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Pocket money
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omg bennet uve done it ... uve found a joke worse than swampys lol
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Rick
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Awesome
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
It is terrible. Maybe I'm having a stupid moment, but from whence is the humour supposed to arrive?
Rick

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Formerly known as the Black Dragons

Won: 6 / Lost: 3

Star Player: Styx (32 SPPs)

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vrykolakas
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Pocket money
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paddy buys two gold fish and call them 1 and 2. murphy says why did u call them 1 and 2. paddy replies coz then if 1 dies i still have 2

95 year old goes to gum glinic and is asked to fill a sperm bottle. he comes back 2 days later with the empty bottle and the nurse looks at him and asks why is it empty. the man goes well first i tried with my right hand, then with my left, then with both, then my wife tried with her false teeth in, then with them out, then ethel from next door tried... bu we just could get the lid off

a man asks his barber how to treat baldness. the barber says the best way to treat baldness is with female love juices. the man looks at the barber and says but your balder than i am and the barber replies yes but u gotta admit it, i got one hell of a mustache
necrons W-0 / D-0 / L-0
demons W-3 / D-0 / L-0
tyanids W-0 / D-0 / L-0
since 01/01/09
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dark knight
daemon prince
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keep the jokes coming guys
waiting for my time
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Rick
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Awesome
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A stuffed bear once applied for a job as a miner. He was taken on and told to head into the woods, where he'd find the mine to work. He was given all the necessary equipment - a hard hat with a torch, a pick, a shovel, and one of those cages with a canary in, in case of a gas leak.

Anyway, he headed off on the Monday morning, worked a full day, did a good job, and the foreman was pleased with him. He left his equipment at the mine (even the canary) and headed home. On Tuesday, he woke, went to work, and again put in a decent day's work. Once again, he left his gear (including the cage, with the canary) at the mine and headed home. On Wednesday he was running a bit late. He arrived at the mine and went to fetch his gear, and thought his canary was there, he was unable to find his pick. Distraught, he went to the foreman to report the loss. To his surprise, the foreman was nonplussed.

"Doesn't it shock you at all that my pick has just disappeared?" the stuffed bear asked.

"Not at all," replied the foreman. "Today's the day the Teddy Bears have their picks nicked."

--------------------

A snail retired. Nothing remarkable about that, except this snail had made an excellent living out of the stock market, and had retired a billionaire. With money no object, the snail decided to fulfil his lifelong dream.

Since it had been a very young snail, this snail had wanted to race in Formula One. Now with the money and time, the snail made it happen. He set up his own team, and funded the production of his own car. When the season started, there was just the small matter of the number of his car. Now, snails, even ones who have played the stock market all their lives, have no head for numbers, not even knowing any. The snail decided instead just to paint an 'S' on the side of the car, to represent him being a snail.

When the first race began, the snail was revelation, effortlessly keeping pace with the leaders and managing to overtake them and win. The crowd were heard to say: "Look at that 'S' car go!"

Rick

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Formerly known as the Black Dragons

Won: 6 / Lost: 3

Star Player: Styx (32 SPPs)

Total Team Value: 1,840,000

Read the coach's review of our first season here



Foxwig Games
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Piggy
Looks like Dirk Benedict
[ *  *  *  * ]
*sigh*

Well told, but ultimately, not funny.

I'd offer some myself, but the subject matter of most of mine are likely to cause offense

Hugs and Kisses

Matt
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Rick
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Awesome
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The USS Enterprise (the modern aricraft carrier) was leading a strike group across the Atlantic ocean when they received a radio message in a distinctly British accent. "USS Enterprise, you are on an intercept vector with our position. Please deviate from your present course."

The captain on the bridge was of the stubborn, overly patriotic sort and was going to be damned before he let some limey tell him what to do. He had his communications officer send a message back, insisting that the British move out of the way of his fleet. The British reply came back: "Negative, Enterprise. Please deviate from your course immediately".

At this, the captain flew into a rage, and went to the comms station personally. "Now listen here!" he yelled. "This is the captain of the flagship of the US Navy, leading a strike force large enough to lay waste to your whole damn country! Any attempt to intefere with our passage will be considered an act of war, and we will respond to it with extreme prejudice! What have you got to say to that?"

The reply came back: "We're a lighthouse."
Rick

Posted Image

Formerly known as the Black Dragons

Won: 6 / Lost: 3

Star Player: Styx (32 SPPs)

Total Team Value: 1,840,000

Read the coach's review of our first season here



Foxwig Games
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