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Viewing Single Post From: A Look at My NGE Screenplay....
evanglion91 Jun 1 2009, 06:12 PM
Lillim
[ * ]
 jerk. why are you being like this. I want to make these films and you are being mean.
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F*ck me, he actually was writing something.

And it's quite good!

OK, couple of observations. First, the narration. I assume the narration is extradiegetic; that is, it's the voice of some omniscient observer, and not of a character in the film. If that's the case, scale the narration back a little, or even excise it entirely. Let the images do the talking. I understand the appeal of a narrator's voice, heralding in a vast expansive epic, but if it gets overused it occurs as indulgent. Don't use extradiegetic means to try to add drama and portent to images which don't merit it on their own terms.

Other than that, some basic mistakes in the grammar and punctuation. You use "then" in the place of "than" a couple of times, some unnecessary apostrophes, some unnecessary capitalisations... oh, and by "super-posed" you mean "superimposed". if you want to submit this as a professional screenplay, you'll have to tidy it up.

However, I do like the tone you're shooting for, retaining some of Evangelion's iconic flourishes like the NERV logo and staying true to the Eva timeline, but also placing the plot in a much more immediate context which would work as a blockbuster. I'd be interested to see where you go with it, even if I'm not entrely sold on it.

Do you want to IM about the films learn what I have planned and maybe join the film?
Edited by evanglion91, Jun 1 2009, 06:13 PM.
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A Look at My NGE Screenplay.... · Neon Genesis Evangelion Live Action Movie