Concrete Dreams

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Concrete Dreams; My first song.
Topic Started: Apr 17 2008, 06:20 PM (162 Views)
JayBee	Apr 17 2008, 06:20 PM Post #1
Super Saiyan Posts: 2,802 Group: Members Member #45 Joined: April 24, 2006	(drum played with snare and bass mainly) (a 4-1 bass setup) (a 8-1 guitar setup) CONCRETE DREAMS Written By: Jacob Birkinshaw AKA JayBee Its time to leave this town time to be out of here you know the outside world has nothing to fear The cities used you Mr. Jones left you helpless and weak and all on your own A life worth living some would say no a life worth leaving most would say go The Cities used you Mr. Jones left you helpless and weak and all on your own As these concrete dreams they fall to pieces all they choose to leave us are foolish dreamers Now you know the worlds used you Mr. Jones... Now be f***ing cruel. tell me what inspirations ive had that i dont know about. where it breaks from the rhyming scheme, what lines and ideas are weak. come on be a butthole. So im gonna be the first to get this writers thing group up and running.
	"putting LSD in your salt shaker... and if its in bad taste then f*** it that's my own flavour"


Thrash Til' Death	Apr 19 2008, 07:24 AM Post #2
"You will love Avatar! YOU WILL LOVE AVATAR!" Posts: 5,385 Group: Admin Member #3 Joined: April 9, 2006	Sounds like Phillip Larkin decided to write hip-hop. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
	The Thrasher's Word: Sky Blue Video Review Thanks to Vegeta for the banner. "There's a reason backstory is backstory: it's backstory!" - Mark Kermode


JayBee	Apr 19 2008, 07:48 AM Post #3
Super Saiyan Posts: 2,802 Group: Members Member #45 Joined: April 24, 2006	i have no idea who Phil Larkin is so i'll say no.
	"putting LSD in your salt shaker... and if its in bad taste then f*** it that's my own flavour"


Nannerpus	Apr 20 2008, 09:19 AM Post #4
Super Saiyan Posts: 4,062 Group: Members Member #167 Joined: July 5, 2006	I actually really enjoyed that. To be honest, I can't point out anything wrong with it, but I am not much of a poet and I usually get called out on rhyming scheme and what not.
	Vindictive 1) disposed to seek revenge; intended for or involving revenge: (VENGEFUL) 2) intended to cause anguish or hurt: (SPITEFUL)


Cro	Apr 20 2008, 04:59 PM Post #5
Autobot Posts: 965 Group: Members Member #1,079 Joined: October 16, 2007	I really liked it too. Philip Arthur Larkin, CH, CBE, FRSL, (9 August 1922 � 2 December 1985) was an English poet, novelist and jazz critic. He spent his working life as a university librarian and was offered the Poet Laureateship following the death of John Betjeman, but declined the post. Larkin is commonly regarded as one of the greatest English poets of the latter half of the twentieth century. In 2003 Larkin was chosen as "the nation's best-loved poet" in a survey by the Poetry Book Society[1] and in 2008 The Times named Larkin as the greatest post-war writer[2]. Larkin was born in Coventry, the only son and younger child of Sydney Larkin (1884�1948), city treasurer of Coventry, who came from Lichfield, and his wife, Eva Emily Day (1886�1977), of Epping. From 1930 to 1940 he was educated at King Henry VIII School in Coventry, and in October 1940 went up to St John's College, Oxford to read English language and literature, taking a first-class degree in 1943. Unlike many of his contemporaries during the Second World War, he took the full-length, unbroken degree course, having been rejected for military service because of his bad eyesight. At Oxford he met Kingsley Amis, a lifelong friend and frequent correspondent. In late 1943, soon after graduating from Oxford, he applied for, and was appointed to, the position of municipal librarian at Wellington, Shropshire. In 1946, he became assistant librarian at University College, Leicester (Kingsley Amis was inspired to write Lucky Jim on visiting Larkin and seeing the common room of Leicester University). In March 1955, Larkin became librarian at the University of Hull, a position he retained until his death. He famously labelled Hull as 'Coventry-by-the-Sea'.
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Noodles Loves You	Apr 21 2008, 11:35 AM Post #6
I Don't Love You I'm Just Passing The Time Posts: 6,803 Group: Global Moderator Member #4 Joined: April 9, 2006	makes me think of the zutons(well, when they were good, ya know, who shot the zutons era) or the arctic monkeys and im not sure why.
	I Want To Drink, Drink, Drink, Smoke, Fuck, Fight, I Want To Shout, Trip, Scream, I Want To Die! I Want To Be Arrested, I Want To Be Molested, And I've Damaged My Brain, Next Weekend Let's Do It Again! Also I don't like many of you, and take great joy out of punishing anyone who's a douchebag. Keep that in mind.


JayBee	Apr 21 2008, 12:15 PM Post #7
Super Saiyan Posts: 2,802 Group: Members Member #45 Joined: April 24, 2006	i was going more for a "Stroking Smiths" type of thing but i suppose i could settle for Arctic Monkeys
	"putting LSD in your salt shaker... and if its in bad taste then f*** it that's my own flavour"


A-10 Thunderbolt II	Apr 21 2008, 10:09 PM Post #8
Battle Angel Posts: 172 Group: Members Member #1,720 Joined: February 14, 2008	not bad.. could stand to be a little longer...
	"We're doomed, and there's plenty for all!!!!"


JayBee	Apr 22 2008, 11:40 AM Post #9
Super Saiyan Posts: 2,802 Group: Members Member #45 Joined: April 24, 2006	thats what i was thinking but i didn't want to make a "Stairway To Heaven" lengthened thing on my first attempt cos i knew it would be wholly sh*t if i did. but thank you for helping.
	"putting LSD in your salt shaker... and if its in bad taste then f*** it that's my own flavour"


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