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A Look at My NGE Screenplay....; Screenplay, EVA, 2009
Topic Started: Jun 1 2009, 01:03 PM (159 Views)
evanglion91
Lillim
[ * ]
:studious:

ACT I
BIRTH (BA-SU)

FADE IN: TITLE SCREEN.

The screens flicker, but remain black. We see bright neon
color letter’s appear slowly almost bending towards us, a
bit like the opening of Alien...

Superpose: Ne (OC) EN.

The letters fade and flip around from the periodic
symbolizes to a title...

Superpose: NEON GENESIS EVANGELION.

FADE TO:

EXT. SPACE--MILKY-WAY,SOLAR SYSTEM, PRIMORDIAL PLANETS,
(FIRST IMPACT) - NIGHT

Our solar system as it would have been millennia’s ago.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
After the Earth was created, it was
ordained to change.

Theia, a planet about the size of Mars, bears down on the
third planet from the sun - Earth before it became the
blue-green alive body it is today. Earth has no moon.
Theia approaches Earth at an angle to the axis of the solar
system.

EARTH: A barren, red and brown planet.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Before man walked the Earth, how
would he see the sky was chosen for
him.

Thea collides with Earth. Clouds of dust and debris from the
impact spew into space and on to the surface of the barren
wasteland.

Theia drifts slowly away from Earth on a path out of the
solar system. Three large chunks from Earth takes up orbit.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And with that time new life was
created.

The Chucks start to make there own gravitational pull and
then float away from the earth.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
And in the emptiness left behind
fashioned his world.

A Moon now circles Earth.
NARRATOR
The second impact would be a
different kind. It would cleanse
but not destroy.

EARTH: Reshaped by the collision with Theia.
The impact site. The primordial coastline.
The ocean where a hunk of land has become what is now JAPAN.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
...And so for nearly 4 billions
years the earth grew...

The camera flies down towards earth where we see groups of
all different nationalities fighting in a grand battle while
some do other things (dance, Build homes, Etc...) They are
very early versions of the civilizations.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
They fought in War, created
technologies, learned and
grew...thousands, billions,
millions of different group of
humans...
(pause)
...Of Flash and Blood. And they
lived on fighting and living for
thousands of years until...out of
the sky it came.

We see people in different countries (Mexico, America,
Africa, Japan Etc...) looking up in to the sky in wonder as
a shooting star or meteorite comes over their heads and
spiraling earth.

CUT TO:


EXT. FRINGES OF EARTH’S ATMOSPHERE-OVER ANTARCTICA.
The meteor hurls and spirals towards the earth thrusting
through the atmosphere, heating up more and more
towards the approaching white glistening snow-capes of
Antarctica. comes Little pieces flying off here and there.
Then slamming in to the surface of Antarctica, sending a
blast of energy, snow and ice for miles.

NARRATOR (V.O)
...And time stopped, the world
stood still and everything changed.
Life went on...oblivious to the
going and comings events as such.
But soon the world will have to
look as the darkness falls and the
sun rises over a new day, a changed
world, a new world. A world in need
of saving. But soon it would come
come time when the world would be
held in the hands of those who
would be more lost then the world
it self and the time would come for
them to stand up and look over the
changing lives...and shape the
world for a new age!

The camera moves over the smoldering rock of the snow
imbibed Meteorite and fog appears. Moving up towards the
gray sky the sounds of a hum being heard as the camera
perches for the sound until...

Now Moving through the frame are skids of helicopters, not
that we could make them out as that though; rather, hard
shapes that glide by at random through the fog, then a
phantom in full view floats through the white clouds.

FADE TO: TITLE CARD, OVER BLACK:

ANTARCTICA
SEPTEMBER 10, 2000

EXT. SKY OVER ANTARCTICA - DAY
The camera moves over what is left of the snowy landscape of
Antarctica. The entire continent is melted with only Big
islands of ice left over. We the camera is moving towards
one of the only left is still a big solid ice cap.

The Camera then pans around to show Three black futuristic
helicopters roaring over the sky of the arctic continent.
Then the camera pans to the side of one of the helicopters
and we see a red symbol of half a fig leaf with the motto
"God’s In His Heaven... All’s Right With The World" forming
the quarter circle on the bottom in the background with the
word: NERV, Super-posed over the leaf.

then the camera continues to move and goes in through a window inside of the front of the main helicopter...

PAN TO:

INT. HELICOPTER - DAY
Inside the helicopter are Misato: a thirty-four year old
women, tapping her fingers and looking around impatiently.
Ritsuko: a forty-three year old women with blonde hair,
reading a book. Commander Ikari: a forty-five year old man,
involved in his own thoughts. Rei: a fourteen year old
girl with pale skin, staring out into space seemingly
distant from everything around her, and some Security.
All of the team are dressed the same in light snow gear
consisting of (a under-armer type shirt, a vest, sweat pants
of a sort and goggles all of the attire are gray, white, amd
black.) Misato sighs, stands up, and begins to walk towards
the front of the helicopter.

Rituko looks up at her curiously. She passes Ikari and Rei.
Neither one noticing her. She makes her way to the cockpit
coming to a door, which reads: "Cockpit.", in Japanese (a
subtitle appears under in English). She knocks on the door.

PILOT (O.S)
Come in.

She opens the door and walks in to the room where two pilots
sit at the controls. The Pilots have to yell over the heavy
sounds of the wings of the aircraft.


there's more but I don't want to give it away.
Edited by evanglion91, Jun 1 2009, 01:05 PM.
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Noodles Loves You
Member Avatar
I Don't Love You I'm Just Passing The Time
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Lessons: if you're writing a screenplay, don't make it half shooting script half script. otherwise it just looks amateurish. otherwise not bad
Posted Image

I Want To Drink,
Drink,
Drink,
Smoke,
Fuck,
Fight,
I Want To Shout,
Trip,
Scream,
I Want To Die!
I Want To Be Arrested,
I Want To Be Molested,
And I've Damaged My Brain,
Next Weekend Let's Do It Again!

Also I don't like many of you, and take great joy out of punishing anyone who's a douchebag. Keep that in mind.
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evanglion91
Lillim
[ * ]
Thanks. you would go see this film?
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Noodles Loves You
Member Avatar
I Don't Love You I'm Just Passing The Time
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
No, I'm a pretty pretentious filmgoer, and hate evangelion. That and it needs something more
Posted Image

I Want To Drink,
Drink,
Drink,
Smoke,
Fuck,
Fight,
I Want To Shout,
Trip,
Scream,
I Want To Die!
I Want To Be Arrested,
I Want To Be Molested,
And I've Damaged My Brain,
Next Weekend Let's Do It Again!

Also I don't like many of you, and take great joy out of punishing anyone who's a douchebag. Keep that in mind.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Thrash Til' Death
Member Avatar
"You will love Avatar! YOU WILL LOVE AVATAR!"
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
F*ck me, he actually was writing something.

And it's quite good!

OK, couple of observations. First, the narration. I assume the narration is extradiegetic; that is, it's the voice of some omniscient observer, and not of a character in the film. If that's the case, scale the narration back a little, or even excise it entirely. Let the images do the talking. I understand the appeal of a narrator's voice, heralding in a vast expansive epic, but if it gets overused it occurs as indulgent. Don't use extradiegetic means to try to add drama and portent to images which don't merit it on their own terms.

Other than that, some basic mistakes in the grammar and punctuation. You use "then" in the place of "than" a couple of times, some unnecessary apostrophes, some unnecessary capitalisations... oh, and by "super-posed" you mean "superimposed". if you want to submit this as a professional screenplay, you'll have to tidy it up.

However, I do like the tone you're shooting for, retaining some of Evangelion's iconic flourishes like the NERV logo and staying true to the Eva timeline, but also placing the plot in a much more immediate context which would work as a blockbuster. I'd be interested to see where you go with it, even if I'm not entrely sold on it.
Edited by Thrash Til' Death, Jun 1 2009, 05:45 PM.
Posted Image

Posted Image
The Thrasher's Word: Sky Blue Video Review
Thanks to Vegeta for the banner.

"There's a reason backstory is backstory: it's backstory!" - Mark Kermode
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Noodles Loves You
Member Avatar
I Don't Love You I'm Just Passing The Time
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Okay, you've gotten praise from two relatively cynical people.... let it go to your head
Posted Image

I Want To Drink,
Drink,
Drink,
Smoke,
Fuck,
Fight,
I Want To Shout,
Trip,
Scream,
I Want To Die!
I Want To Be Arrested,
I Want To Be Molested,
And I've Damaged My Brain,
Next Weekend Let's Do It Again!

Also I don't like many of you, and take great joy out of punishing anyone who's a douchebag. Keep that in mind.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
evanglion91
Lillim
[ * ]
jerk. why are you being like this. I want to make these films and you are being mean.
______________________________________________________________

F*ck me, he actually was writing something.

And it's quite good!

OK, couple of observations. First, the narration. I assume the narration is extradiegetic; that is, it's the voice of some omniscient observer, and not of a character in the film. If that's the case, scale the narration back a little, or even excise it entirely. Let the images do the talking. I understand the appeal of a narrator's voice, heralding in a vast expansive epic, but if it gets overused it occurs as indulgent. Don't use extradiegetic means to try to add drama and portent to images which don't merit it on their own terms.

Other than that, some basic mistakes in the grammar and punctuation. You use "then" in the place of "than" a couple of times, some unnecessary apostrophes, some unnecessary capitalisations... oh, and by "super-posed" you mean "superimposed". if you want to submit this as a professional screenplay, you'll have to tidy it up.

However, I do like the tone you're shooting for, retaining some of Evangelion's iconic flourishes like the NERV logo and staying true to the Eva timeline, but also placing the plot in a much more immediate context which would work as a blockbuster. I'd be interested to see where you go with it, even if I'm not entrely sold on it.

Do you want to IM about the films learn what I have planned and maybe join the film?
Edited by evanglion91, Jun 1 2009, 06:13 PM.
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